alan@rnms1.paradyne.com (Alan Lovejoy) (04/18/89)
--- The Stone Collection ---
18 April 1989 Compiled by Alan Lovejoy Largo, Florida USA
The following is a list of mostly whimsical benchmark names that have been
proposed by a host of people on USENET, by my fellow employees at
AT&T Paradyne, and by myself. These benchmark names are modelled on
the names of some actual benchmarks (Whetstone, Dhrystone, Dhampstone,
Mhoistone, Rhealstone and Iostone) which usually have the form ?h*stone.
I regret to say that when I first started compiling this list, I was only
doing it for my own personal use and therefore it never occurred to me
that I should keep track of authorship. I would appreciate it if any
authors could contact me to claim their rightfull credit if they see
their benchmark name listed here without attribution.
Many of the names were suggested by multiple sources. I have made no
attempt to figure out who was first; it is best to simply assume that
all suggesters arrived at their names independently, and to leave it
at that.
Names that are new to this version are marked with an asterisk.
Benchmark Name: Object(s)/Subject(s) of benchmark Author
--- Names suggested by me:
Fhlintstone: Computer graphics animation Alan Lovejoy
Lhintstone: Measures performance of "lint" Alan Lovejoy
Whrystone: Funniness of ?h*stone benchmark name Alan Lovejoy
Bhridgestone: Computer aided civil engineering Alan Lovejoy
Fhirestone: Thermodynamic modelling; Alan Lovejoy
* Where your mileage may vary :-); ???
* Number of lazy, good for nothing, goldbricks
which can be laid off upon installation of a
computer system. There are two accepted
pronounciations: fa-hire-stone (as in I am)
or fire-stone (as in you are). ???
Ghrindstone: Text processing Alan Lovejoy
Lhoadstone: Program loading; Alan Lovejoy
* Benchmark that is a lhoad of
<insert favorite expletive here> ???
Bhirthstone: Process creation; Alan Lovejoy
Speed of new product development
(measured from conception to delivery). Dave Brown
Hhengestone: Celestial navigation Alan Lovejoy
Philosopherstone: Artificial intelligence Alan Lovejoy
*Ghemstone: Home-computer windowing systems Alan Lovejoy
*Sphinxstone: Riddle generation software Alan Lovejoy
*Gholdstone: Financial software Alan Lovejoy
*Einstone: Relativistic performance; Alan Lovejoy
Nearness to speed of light (logarithmic) Steve Fowler
*Charlestone: Dancing ability Alan Lovejoy
*Errol Fhlynnstone: Software piracy Alan Lovejoy
*Rheinstone: Extent to which a benchmark name inspires
other similar benchmark names (in honor
of Rheinhold P. Weicker's "Dhrystone") Alan Lovejoy
*Sthepstone: Object-oriented language performance; Alan Lovejoy
Robot balance/motion software Alan Lovejoy
*Khornerstone: Computer aided structural engineering Alan Lovejoy
*Rhedstone: Ballistics Alan Lovejoy
*Bhrownstone: Real estate Alan Lovejoy
*Hhingestone: Gate delay simulation Alan Lovejoy
*Johnstone: Amount of crap poduced by a system Alan Lovejoy
*Prhestone: Performance/Temperature ratio Alan Lovejoy
*Ghravestone: For deciding when a system shoul be allowed
to Rust In Peace Alan Lovejoy
*KholdSoberStone: Ability of symbolic algebra programs
to derive... Alan Lovejoy
*NhoUnturnedStone: Sorting and searching Alan Lovejoy
--- Names suggested by my coworkers:
Hheadstone: Rate of defunct process creation; Steve Fowler
Speed of product obsolesence. Dave Brown
*Siltstone: Bit residue at bottom of bit bucket Steve Fowler
*Puddingstone: Theorem proving Steve Fowler
*Afghanistone: Measure of danger to Soviet soldiers Steve Fowler
*Khabulstone: Number of Soviet soldiers killed/year Steve Fowler
*Khobblestone: Bootstrapping Mike Wolfe
*MastersAndJohnstone: Orgasms Per Hour Mike Wolfe
Rhinestone: From Duke University...measures program ESP Roy Crabtree
* Tests for cheap, flashy computer
architectures ???
*Hhihostone: Number of systems that dwarf yours.
(Less than 7). Roy Crabtree
*Bhostone: Number of supervisors owning a system.
(Always more than 1). Roy Crabtree
Warestone: Hirsuteness Ware Lynch
Wherestone: Navigation; Ware Lynch
* Turns computer into a hairy stone
if the moon is full ???
Lhivingstone: Anthropological ability Akash Deshpande
*KhastInStone: Resistance of system to change George Leach
*Phreestone: Measure of available memory Bill Freeman
--- Names suggested by USENET posters
Rhosettastone: Natural language translation Robert Garvey
Rhollingstone: Sound/music generation; Devin Ben-Hur
DSP chip performance; Robert Garner
Power supply distortion; Abhijit Chaudhari
For use on CMOS technology Paul Shields
Fhlagstone: Boolean algebra/logical machine operations Devin Ben-Hur
Lhinestone: Vector graphics Earl Killian
Lhynestone: Wire-frame graphics ???
Bhlarneystone: For use in measuring performance of
vaporware; ???
* Rigorous test of Irish computing systems ???
Bhlackstone: Magical ability; unix wizardry ???
Ehverybodymustgetstone: Hipness of a system; ???
* Tests the degree of nondeterminism in an
instruction set ???
Slyandthefamilystone: Funkiness of a system ???
* Soul music appreciation ???
Baudstone: Serial io Stephen Friedl
Sahndstone: Silicon compiler/chip performance; Devin Ben-Hur
* Degree of granularity in a system; George Leach
* Raw electrical performance of chips ???
Soahpstone: Daytime (cable) tv viewing; Devin Ben-Hur
Bubble memory technology; David Brooks
Number of dirty tricks used by programmer; Alan Lovejoy
* Measure of how clean a design is ???
Whatstone: Statistical verification of (pseudo)
random number generators; Devin Ben-Hur
* Voice recognition systems ???
Whystone: Heuristics; ???
* Asks computer "Why bother?" a whole bunch
of times ???
Nhetstone: Network performance w/real time control Alex Colvin
Measure of similarity to USENET ???
Nhewstone: Measure of similarity to television news ???
Ghallstone: Rate at which audacioius claims are made by
administrators, used car salesmen and Sun
sales representatives; Robert M. Panoff
Measure of MIPS inflation due to
marketing hype; John R. Latala
Measure of frenchness; ???
* Medical diagnostic expert systems ???
Khidneystone: Rate at which customer is pissed off by
administrators, used car salesmen and Sun
sales representatives; Robert M. Panoff
Medical diagnostic expert systems ???
Yhellowstone: Ability to put out fires; ???
* Simulates a "let it burn" policy on your
computer's memory ???
Number of trees burned/hour Steve Fowler
Mhilestone: Ability to meet deadlines; ???
* How many design revisions (i.e., laps
around the engineering department) before
the project collapses ???
Mhillstone: Degree to which something impedes progress ???
Sticksandstone: Measure of how insulting something is ???
* Number of bad things you can say about the
operating system per second ???
Thunderstone: Noise generated by union leaders after a
strike is called; ???
* Measures floating point speed by simulation
of falling meteors ???
Touchstone: Pixel resolution of touch screens ???
Standingstone: Availability of goods in the Soviet Union ???
* Benchmark by iterated astronomical
calculations. Phase-of-moon dependent.
Requires operator to wear animal skins. ???
Swhordinthestone: Elected official's ability to lead ???
* Finds the once and future computer
architecture ???
Lhymestone: Mineral exploration software; ???
* Extent to which purchase of system leaves
sour taste in customer's mouth ???
Phreciousstone: Measure of the $$ spent on a computer system Abhijit Chaudhari
Hhstone: A benchmark for determining the quality of
benchmark names. Abhijit Chaudhari
Lhithpstone: Measures the efficiency of the lisp
interpreter. Abhijit Chaudhari
Stohnehenge: Used to measure the power of previous
generation computers. Abhijit Chaudhari
Xhf25qcdtstone: Measures the efficieny of a random number
generator. Abhijit Chaudhari
Khillstone: Benchmark measuring the physical damage caused
to a compter terminal when a process crashes. Abhijit Chaudhari
Swhearstone: Efficiency of verbal abuse (can be run alnog
with Kihllstone). Abhijit Chaudhari
rm*hstone: Measure of the amount of work undone by a
silly error. Abhijit Chaudhari
Mhenustone: Measures the number of pop-up / pull-down menu
items that a system can draw per second;
It would test raw CPU performance, special
graphic hardware support, and operating system
efficiency; and it would probably give a good
indication of a menu-based system's speed as
seen by an interactive user. Richard L. Carlson
Shumnerstone: PostScript font rasterization. David Brooks
Lhodestone: Cartography applications; David Brooks
Time to load a program/boot the OS S. Crispin Cowan
Fholkestone: Quantum-effect technology David Brooks
(The town at the English end of the Channel Tunnel)
HharryStone: Legal "bench"-mark; Bob Adolt
* Tests whether an input voice is Mel Torme's ???
Ehlizastone: Measure of how many times per second a computer
and operating system can misundertsand or
misinterpret the commands you give. Prem Sobel
ShlyStone: Measures speed of machine in providing random
answers to meaningless questions. Elliot S. Frank
Thombstone: How many processes the OS can kill/sec. S. Crispin Cowan
Ehstone: How many Canadians, like, worked on the
system, eh? ???
Je me souviens-stone: How many expatriate anglo-quebecois
worked on the system? aglew@mcdurb.Urbana.Gould.COM
Kheystone: Speed of DES cracking Dave Brown
Throwstone: Tests for glass houses Paul Shields
Mhonumentalstone: In mockery of benchmark tests
(with apologies to P.B. Shelley) Paul Shields
Yheatstone: "Too long a sacrifice / Can make a stone of the
heart / O when may it suffice?" Paul Shields
Fhred Fhlintstone: Tests for neanderthal operating systems Paul Shields
Khirbystone: The noise volume of the cooling fan of a PC. John J. Marco
*Captain Bhlighstone: Does some sort of micro-mutiny ???
*Sighstone: Relates performance time to how bored the
operator is with doing benchmarks ???
*Chrystone: The operator is *thouroughly* bored now ???
*Sthystones: (Stystnes) Show operator how messy insides of
computer is in relation to its speed ???
*Cherrystone: Number of novice users of root a system can
survive ???
*Schissorspaperstone: A series of benchmarks that can be used
to prove any machine architecture superior to
any other ???
*Stonestone: Relative merit of smoke ???
Fhrankenstone: Number of times benchmark can die and be
resurrected per second snoopy@sopwith.UUCP
[The Fhrankenstone] is currently very dangerous to run, as an electrical storm
is required. It is hoped that a low power technique can be found for the
next release. An industry spy overheard the principal researcher asking his
assistant to "Put the stack-pointer back." It is believed that the
researcher was trapped in a subroutine at the time. Sun's SPARC technology
currently leads the pack in this benchmark, but mAMP, a joint venture between
MIPS and AMPhenol hopes to overtake SPARC with their on-chip battery design
fed by special high-current connectors which also serve as the chip's heat
sink. Company spokepersons were unwilling to reveal how many milliamp-hours
their product would cache on-chip. Public confidence in the new product
was dampened at an early demo of a prototype unit which used a defective
cpu and a pair of automotive battery clamps from a junkyard. The prototype
paniced easily, and the public demanded it be dismantled. Improvements
to the prototype, including a voice-synthesis unit, has calmed public
fears of the new technology. It's not easy being on the cutting edge.
"Hard drives and kilobytes are tinkertoys, I'm talking about the central
networking system."
===========================================================================
From: <uunet!ames!ames!claris!portal!cup.portal.com!Devin_E_Ben-Hur>
for the record, i submitted these...
---------------
RhollingStone -- for benchmarking sound generation systems.
Sahndstone -- for benchmarking silcon (get it, sand) chips.
Soahpstone -- for measuring daytime cable tv usage.
Flahgstone -- for benchmarking boolean operations.
WhatStone? -- for statistical verification of psuedo randome number generators
Devin_Ben-Hur@cup.portal.com
...!ucbvax!sun!cup.portal.com!devin_e_ben-hur
============================================================================
From: uunet!gatech.edu!hubcap!panoff (Robert M. Panoff)
Ghallstones, Khidneystones:
Don't know if I was first or not, but believe I was to suggest these,
although with different definitions than those you posted. Mine arose
from dealing with SUN sales people (Ghallstones being the rate at which
audacious claims are made by administrators, used car sales folk, or SUN
sales; KhidneyStones measure the rate at which you get pissed off by same.
I was running at about 7KS when I came up with them).
rmp, for the Bob's in my office
===========================================================================
From: uunet!Sun.COM!sybase!robert (Robert Garvey)
Robert Garvey robert%sybase.com@sun.com Sybase, Inc
{pyramid,pacbell,sun,lll-tis,capmkt}!sybase!robert Emeryville, CA 94608
> --- Names suggested by USENET posters whose names I failed to record
>
>Rhosettastone: natural language translation (I can't believe I missed this!)
If you're interested in attributing that one, I take credit for it.
============================================================================
>From: rob@amber.UUCP (Rob Adams x5527)
Mr. Adams submitted a list (to rec.humor.funny) he compiled from comp.arch.
Items in his list that were not in mine have been incorportated into mine.
Unfortunately, he did not show who the authors were for each submission.
But he did have a list at the end of who the authors were:
Leonard T. Armstrong
Dave Binette
Donald C. Currie
Myron Deale
Akash Deshpande
Kevin Ferguson
Robert Firth
Steve Fowler
Robert Garvey
Don Gillies
Kim L. Greer
John Hogg
Steve Melvin
Tom Merkel
Scott Neugroschl
David Newton
Daryl Odnert
Robert M. Panoff
Gary Piatt
Renu Raman
Eric S. Raymond
Rick Richardson
Warren Seltzer
Jim Shankland
Neil Weinstock
Ed Wright
and
Devin_Ben-Hur@cup.portal.com
----
Rob Adams
Interleaf, Inc.
Cambridge, MA
rob@ileaf.com
=============================================================================
Alan Lovejoy; alan@pdn; 813-530-2211; AT&T Paradyne: 8550 Ulmerton, Largo, FL.
Disclaimer: I do not speak for AT&T Paradyne. They do not speak for me.
__American Investment Deficiency Syndrome => No resistance to foreign invasion.
Motto: If nanomachines will be able to reconstruct you, YOU AREN'T DEAD YET.