ecn-pa.haamu (07/19/82)
"We next went to the school of languages, where three professors sat in consultation upon improving that of their own country. "The first project was to shorten discourse by cutting polysyllables into one, and leaving out verbs and partici- ples, because in reality all things imaginable are but nouns. "The other, was a scheme for entirely abolishing all words whatsoever: and this was urged as a great advantage in point of health as well as brevity. For, it is plain, that every word we speak is in some degree a diminution of our lungs by corrosion; and consequently contributes to the shortening of our lives. An expedient was therefore offered, that since words are only names for *things*, it would be more convenient for all men to carry about them, such *things* as were necessary to express the particular business they are to discourse on. And this invention would certainly have taken place, to the great ease as well as health of the subject, if the women in conjunction with the vulgar and illiterate had not threatened to raise a rebel- lion, unless they might be allowed the liberty to speak with their tongues, after the manner of their forefathers: such constant irreconcileable enemies to science are the common people. However, many of the most learned and wise adhere to the new scheme of expressing themselves by *things*; which hath only this inconvenience attending it; that if a man's business be very great, and of various kinds, he must be obliged in proportion to carry a greater bundle of *things* upon his back, unless he can afford one or two strong servants to attend him. I have often beheld two of those sages almost sinking under the weight of their packs, like pedlars among us; who, when they met in the streets would lay down their loads, open their sacks, and hold conversation for an hour together; then put up their imple- ments, help each other to resume their burthens, and take their leave. "But, for short conversations, a man may carry imple- ments in his pockets and under his arms, enough to supply him, and in his house he cannot be at a loss; therefore the room where company meet who practise this art, is full of all things ready at hand, requisite to furnish matter for this kind of artificial converse. "Another great advantage proposed by this invention, was, that it would serve as an universal language to be understood in all civilized nations, whose goods and uten- sils are generally of the same kind, or nearly resembling, so that their uses might easily be comprehended. And thus, embassadors would be qualified to treat with foreign princes or ministers of State, to whose tongues they were utter strangers." -- Jonathan Swift, *Gulliver's Travels*, Pt. 3, Ch. 5
thomas (07/19/82)
Why is it that Swift has an answer to all the woes of the world?