ecn-pa.haamu (07/19/82)
"We next went to the school of languages, where three
professors sat in consultation upon improving that of their
own country.
"The first project was to shorten discourse by cutting
polysyllables into one, and leaving out verbs and partici-
ples, because in reality all things imaginable are but
nouns.
"The other, was a scheme for entirely abolishing all
words whatsoever: and this was urged as a great advantage in
point of health as well as brevity. For, it is plain, that
every word we speak is in some degree a diminution of our
lungs by corrosion; and consequently contributes to the
shortening of our lives. An expedient was therefore
offered, that since words are only names for *things*, it
would be more convenient for all men to carry about them,
such *things* as were necessary to express the particular
business they are to discourse on. And this invention would
certainly have taken place, to the great ease as well as
health of the subject, if the women in conjunction with the
vulgar and illiterate had not threatened to raise a rebel-
lion, unless they might be allowed the liberty to speak with
their tongues, after the manner of their forefathers: such
constant irreconcileable enemies to science are the common
people. However, many of the most learned and wise adhere
to the new scheme of expressing themselves by *things*;
which hath only this inconvenience attending it; that if a
man's business be very great, and of various kinds, he must
be obliged in proportion to carry a greater bundle of
*things* upon his back, unless he can afford one or two
strong servants to attend him. I have often beheld two of
those sages almost sinking under the weight of their packs,
like pedlars among us; who, when they met in the streets
would lay down their loads, open their sacks, and hold
conversation for an hour together; then put up their imple-
ments, help each other to resume their burthens, and take
their leave.
"But, for short conversations, a man may carry imple-
ments in his pockets and under his arms, enough to supply
him, and in his house he cannot be at a loss; therefore the
room where company meet who practise this art, is full of
all things ready at hand, requisite to furnish matter for
this kind of artificial converse.
"Another great advantage proposed by this invention,
was, that it would serve as an universal language to be
understood in all civilized nations, whose goods and uten-
sils are generally of the same kind, or nearly resembling,
so that their uses might easily be comprehended. And thus,
embassadors would be qualified to treat with foreign princes
or ministers of State, to whose tongues they were utter
strangers."
-- Jonathan Swift, *Gulliver's Travels*, Pt. 3, Ch. 5thomas (07/19/82)
Why is it that Swift has an answer to all the woes of the world?