werner@aecom.UUCP (Craig Werner) (01/30/86)
There has been a growing number of stories posted to net.jokes that
end in puns of cliches for punchlines. These have erroneously been referred to
as "Shaggy Dog" stories in some instances, which they are not. But call them
puns, or after George Kirby, "Father Goose Stories", many have been around for
years. This is to inform newcomers that there is a canonical list of these
things, "The Canonical List of Father Goose Stories" and it is posted to
net.jokes once a year on April 1st.
To prevent the flood from newcomers until then, here is the index
file to the Canonical list, which I suggest perusing before posting these
potentially long stories.
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Index of punchlines contained in
"The Canonical List of Father Goose Stories."
1. The following appeared in a signature, but could be expanded:
The squire on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the other two squires.
[No story is connected with this - volunteers accepted.]
2. two obese Patties,
special Ross,
Lester Cheese picking bunions
on a Sesame Street bus!
3. Moral: let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.
4. Moral: people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
5. Moral: don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.
6. The moral? It the foo shits, wear it.
7. Super California Mystic
Expert Halitosis
8. I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this."
9. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
10. "I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco."
11. "A niche in time saves Stein."
12. SOW ROPE, NATEY-O!
13. "Well, ther's something about an aqua volvo, man..."
14. A washed pot never oils.
15. "Transporting mynas over sedate lions for immortal porpoises."
[Other versions of the punch line:]
[ * Transporting Mynahs over a stately lion for immortal Porpoises * ]
[ "FOR CROSSING STATE LIONS WITH OBSCENE PORPOSES!" ]
[ Carrying gulls across a staid lion for immortal popoises.]
[Also note the variety of spellings of the word "porpoise"]
16. "It's a long way to tip a Raree."
17. "RUDOLPH, THE RED, KNOWS RAIN, DEAR"
18. For making an obscene clone fall.
19. "Doctor, the thong is ended
but the malady lingers on!"
20. "Where were you when the fit hit the Shan?"
21. ... They had left no tern unstoned.
22. ... abcess make the fart go HONDA!"
23. "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
24. "THESE ARE THE 'TIMES' THAT DRY MEN'S SOLES."
25. [This one by Anton Winteroak was the most creative and original:]
"Now is the dinner of our wistful gent wrent gory assunder by this
ton of pork !"
[A few people didn't get this one. The story draws from several Shakespeare
Histories and the saying from his Richard the Third, "Now is the winter of our
discontent made glorious summer by this Son of York."]
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> The following did not appear in last year's Canonical collection of Father
> Goose stories, but obviously will appear in this year's:
26. The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper
wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers".
27. Ike's Aunt gets nose hat is fact, son
28. "Dee, who flaps last, flaps left"
29. "That's the beer that made Mel Famie walk us."
30. the first time a reign was called on account of the game.
31. Opporknockity tunes but once.
[Alternate:] O'Pernokkety tunes but once."
32. Came the reply, "That was no laser--that was my knife!"
33. "Hue, and only Hue, can prevent florist friars!"
34. "Stop right where you are, boyfoot bear with teak of Chan!"
35. A gritty pearl is Michael, LLD.
36. Which just goes to show that, a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
37. Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?
38. "We've come to praise your berry not to seize 'er".
[Alternate]: "We have come to seize your berries, not to appraise them."
39. ``When you're out of slits, you're out of pier!''
40. We can't have archaic and edict, too.
41. Contributing to the delinquency of a miner !!!
42. "I'm booking over that four-clove leaver, though I've overcooked before!"
43. "Knick Knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan."
44. another case where the spirit was willing but the flush was weak.
45. "Time's fun when your having flies"
46. A fiery 'stead with the spite of Leed
A clout of dust
And a hearty 'Buy old Silver'
47. it's a rambling rack from George the Turk with an elephant engineer" !!!
48. moral of this story is "All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken
couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen."
49. MORAL: Let a swine be your gorilla in a grainy, grainy bay. And if your
Swede decries, just tell her that a swine will always pay...
--
Craig Werner
!philabs!aecom!werner
"... you can do anything you want, but not everything you want."