ron@brl-tgr.ARPA (Ron Natalie <ron>) (08/02/84)
I soloed at a controlled field and just after my first takeoff I got a "Doesn't it fly a whole lot better without that fat flight instructor in it?" from the tower. Ron Cessna Heavy 4YF.
nathanm@hp-pcd.UUCP (nathanm) (08/12/84)
I flew to and from Portland International on Thanksgiving day a few years ago. The controllers strike was a few months old, but traffic was so light that the existing staff was in a wonderful mood. One advisory I received: "Keep an eye out for an Air Oregon Metroliner at 12 o'clock. You'll recognize him by the cranberry jelly dripping from the wings." ---------- Nathan Meyers hp-pcd!nathanm
brian@sequent.UUCP (08/18/84)
I was listening to the Hillsboro (OR) tower one IFR day and heard a conversation which convinced me that Air Traffic Controllers are indeed human. The pilot flying an IFR approach contacted the tower and did his speal. The tower acknowledged and as is often the case at Hillsboro, gave a hazardous bird warning. These were special birds, though, (and especially large): "Warning, hazardous bird activity in the vicinity of Hillsboro Airport, Caution advised. Be advized there is a flight of swans on a left downwind for runway 12" The pilot thanked the tower and continued on. After a while, he asked for an update on the geese. "They're not GEESE, they're SWANS! And they're now left base for 12" The pilot was getting close now and was apparently concerned that the swans would interfere with his landing, so just a minute or two later he called in again. The towers response: "The geese are about one mile out on a final for 12." Then: "It looks like they're going to make a missed approach." After a moment: "Yup, they're making a missed approach, and better than a lot I've seen. Bonanza XXXXX cleared to land runway 12."
gmm@bunker.UUCP (Gregory M. Mandas) (08/27/84)
[] This is the first time I knew how to be a pilot in command. This is a tower conversation I held at Springfield, Ohio. There is an Ohio Air National Guard unit flying A-7's. On this day a pair of them were landing as I approached. ME: Springfield Tower, Cherokee 2295t 5 miles south landing 6. TWR1: 2295t set up right base for 6. At this time the A-7's did a closed pattern. The flew flat out, side-by-side down the runway, chopped the power, climbed to pattern altitude and pealed off for sequencing. TWR1: 95T execute a right 360 and contunue until advised for sequencing behind traffic. TWR2: (A different voice) 95T disregard 360. Contunue on base. You are cleared to land number 2 behind A-7. ME: Tower, 95T. NEGITIVE. I will continue 360. Request landing number 3 behind second A-7. TWR1: (The First guy) 95T, roger. Continue 360. ME: Tower, 95T, Thank you. ------ Several days later I was approved for a downwind crossing an intersecting runway. As I crossed 6/24 on downwind for 15/33 I noticed 4 A-7s executing a closed pattern. They passed under me flying on the deck, two-by-two. The Guard guys use military radio freqs so general aviation has no idea what they are doing, save the instructions given by the Tower. I wish I could fly in the Air National Guard. Greg Mandas ittvax!bunker!gmm
normb@tekred.UUCP (Norm Babcock ) (08/28/84)
While doing touch-n-goes at Hillsboro (Oregon) airport,
I had just turned final for 30 when the tower notified me
of something different than the usual bird activity:
twr: "016, be advised that there is a dog heading for the
intersection of 30 and 20"
me: "Roger, 016 looking"
I looked, but couldn't spot the hound, so I called the tower:
"This is 016, could I have a dog check, please?"
twr: "Roger, he's in position and holding"
me: "016 has traffic"
me: "this is 016, traffic has left the active and seems to
be heading for the ramp"
twr: "Roger, you're cleared to land, we'll pick him up on
point seven" (Hillsboro ground)
The Hillsboro tower folks have displayed a sense of humor
more than once.William.Sholar@CMU-CS-C.ARPA (08/29/84)
Departing Dulles last week I got the following clearance from the tower: "Grumman 14N, cleared for immediate takeoff. Make left turn as soon as possible after takeoff, avoid the tower if at all possible." Less amusing was the clearance I received on my first solo, shortly after the PATCO folks were replaced: "Cessna 68Q, cleared to land, you are number one ahead of a Citation on two mile final." (very short pause) "Oh hell, this isn't working out very well -- 68Q, make a left turn now." In retrospect, it was a good lesson in just who has to be ultimately responsible for the airplane. -------
dwl@hou4b.UUCP (D Levenson) (08/31/84)
At MMU (Morristown, New Jersey) the tower once informed me, in reply to my reporting turning final, "Mooney 48Q is cleared to land; a Cessna 150 reported dragon flies on the approach!" Dave
barrett@hpcnoe.UUCP (barrett) (09/11/84)
I too have really enjoyed working with the controllers in the Portland OR vicinity. While taking a fellow pilot to an FSS with full weather info (TV monitors, charts, and the whole mess), I landed at portland international (PDX) thinking that was where it was. The actual location was at Hillsboro about 10 miles to the west of PDX. When requesting clearance for leaving PDX, the following dialogue occured: "Portland Tower, Grumman 9861 Lima ready for departure" "61 Lima, what's your destination?" "Hillsboro" "61 Lima, NONSTOP??? " Dave Barrett hplabs!hp-dcd!Barrett
dwight@timeb.UUCP (Dwight Ernest) (09/13/84)
On the subject of tower conversations, I can remember reading in FLYING magazine not too long ago of the following conversation overheard on an FAA Center frequency in the southwestern U.S. on a very quiet Sunday night (actually an early Monday morning, I think). It seems the airline pilot was bored and hadn't heard anything on the circuit for a long time... (Pilot) Phoenix Center, United 788. (Controller) United 788, Phoenix Center. Go ahead. (Pilot) Ahhhh, Phoenix Center, say your position, over. (Controller, apparently without hesitation and with a straight face) Firmly seated, sir. (Pilot) Phoenix Center, maintain altitude and heading. Out. (Controller) <click click> -- --Dwight Ernest KA2CNN \ Usenet:...vax135!timeinc!dwight Time Inc. Editorial Technology Group, New York City Voice: (212) 554-5061 \ Compuserve: 70210,523 \ EIES: 1228 Telemail: EDPISG/TIMEINC \ MCI: DERNEST
cfiaime@ihnp4.UUCP (Jeff Williams) (09/16/84)
TWA 111: Kansas City Center, be advised that you are broken up.
Uhhh...not you personally...
(This was overheard near Salina, Kansas while giving instrument dual.)
(Heard near Springfield, Mo.)
Approach: Delta 573, say your position.
Delta 573: I'm the first officer, what are you?
(And my favorite, from Richard Taylor)
Approach: Barnburner 1234A, squawk ident.
Barnburner 1234A: Ident! Ident! Ident! SQUAWK!!
Jeff Williams - AT&T Bell Laboratories
ihnp4!cfiaimedvs@hpfclo.UUCP (dvs) (09/28/84)
I'll admit that you can hear some pretty amazing lines from the tower, but I've also heard a few good ones from the pilots, too. As an example ... A few years ago I was working local control at an airport which had a squandron of ANG RF-4's stationed there. It was in the evening and a training flight of 2 F-4's was recovering when the east arrival controller informed me that they would be entering a 6 mile initial. Shortly there after, the flight came up on tower freq and reported initial. As was customary when dealing with fighters who often made multiple practice approaches, I responded, "Banshi05, tower, say type landing and intentions after." The F-4 jock barked his reply, "Full stop ... drink beer." Dan "there's alot more where that came from" Simula