531ljr@sunybcs.UUCP (john r. loverso) (04/08/84)
This is something that a friend of mine from Princeton (Roger Hain)
sent me sometime ago. I don't know if it has appeared on the net yet,
so i'll only post the first third of it now, the rest later.
-------
"Real Programmers Don't Write Specs"
Real Programmers don't write specs -- users should consider themselves
lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.
Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write,
it should be hard to understand.
Real Programmers don't write application programs; they program right down
on bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do
system programming.
Real Programmers don't eat quiche. They eat Twinkies and Szechwan food.
Real Programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy applications
programmers.
Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if you
throw them on the machine, they can be patched into working in "only a
few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks
and crystallography weenies.
Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any Real Programmers are around at
9 AM, it's because they were up all night.
Real Programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in
BASIC, after the age of 12.
Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't
decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
Real Programmers don't write in APL. Any fool can be obscure in APL.
Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you
to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and Real Programmers wear
their climbing boots to work, in case a mountain should suddenly spring up
in the middle of the machine room.
Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read
the listings or object deck.
Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of those
pinko computer science languages.
Real Programmers know better than the users what they need.
Real Programmers think structured programming is a Communist plot.
Real Programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's toadies.
Real Programmers like to keep their managers in suspence.
Real Programmers think better when playing ADVENTURE. [Rogue?]
-------------
There are two more pages:
"Real Software Engineers Don't Read Dumps"
"Real Computer Scientists Don't Write Code"
-------------
/john rovert loversodavew@princeton.UUCP (David Wonnacot) (04/10/84)
Correction: Some real programmers do work 9 (pm) to 5 (am)