rlr@pyuxd.UUCP (Rich Rosen) (07/18/85)
> (Scene from Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" video.) > Waldo: Gee, mom, you know I'm not like other kids. > (Waldo kisses mom good-bye and steps onto the bus) > David Lee Roth: Sit down - Waldo! And now, we pause for a commercial: [MUSIC OF "HOT FOR TEACHER" IN BACKGROUND, A VEDDY BRITISH ANNOUNCER ENTERS THE ROOM] "Most of you know this as 'Hot for Teacher', by Edward van Halen. But did you know it was originally part of Shostakovich's unwritten masterpiece, the Mendizo Symphony? Many of the great heavy metal compositions were originally written by the great masters. Now you can own this complete collection, "Heavy Metal Classics", on Carumba Records and Tapes. You'll hear Umberto Linguini's 'Il Uomo Ferro'..." [MUSIC OF BLACK SABBATH'S "IRONMAN" BY LARGE STRING ORCHESTRA WITH HEAVY TYMPANI AND PERCUSSION] "And Guillaume Letouche's Chien Noir aria..." [AN OPERATIC VOICE SINGS: "Hey, hey, mama, said the way you mooooove, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you grooooove..." FOLLOWED BY HEAVY TROMBONE AND TUBA ARRANGEMENT OF "BLACK DOG"] "And Klaus Fruehling's 'Schtarren Autobahnen'..." [DEEP BARITONE VOICE SINGS: "Nobody's gonna take my car, I'm gonna race it to the grou-ound" IN GERMAN] "Yes, all these and more..." [LIST ROLLS BY INCLUDING "EINE HOLEN GROSSE LIEBEN", "PARA NOYO", "SMOKEN EIN ZE WASSER", "FIR DU BIST MIR GEROCKEN, GIRSCHAALUTEN ZU", (obviously a Bach cantata) AND "KUNTZEN DRIVEN FUNFZIG-FUNF"] [CUT TO PICTURES OF SEDATE LISTENERS IN A CONCERT HALL SUDDENLY RIPPING OFF THEIR TUXEDOS TO REVEAL IRON MAIDEN T-SHIRTS AS THEY RUSH TO THE STAGE AND BANG THEIR HEADS AGAINST THE ORCHESTRA PIT AS "VANTZEN ROCKEN FUR ALLEN NACHTEN, UNT GEPARTIEN ALLEN TAGEN" BY FRANZ KISSZT IS PERFORMED.] "All these can be yours, for just $12.98 for the 9 record set, $19.98 for the 12 cassette collection, or $437.98 for 15 CD's. Order now!" [THE UNTIL NOW RESERVED ANNOUNCER RIPS OFF HIS JACKET AND TIE TO SHOW HIS DOKKEN SHIRT AND BEGINS BANGING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE CAMERA LENS.] -------------------- Was anyone about to make fun of Waldo? -- "iY AHORA, INFORMACION INTERESANTE ACERCA DE... LA LLAMA!" Rich Rosen ihnp4!pyuxd!rlr