karn (12/09/82)
Alright, I can see how this discussion has moved to a new (lower?) dimension. Two can play this game. Setting ASRM [asynchronous sarcastic response mode]... Scene: Aboard the Starship CodeTrek, in the year 2116, patrolling the outer reaches of the solar system. In an attack by the evil Vogons on the CodeTrek, the chief communications officer has been killed. Helmsman: Captain! The entire Vogon battle fleet is just passing the orbit of Pluto. At their velocity, they will reach Earth in only 5 hours. Navigator: I have their orbital data plotted, sir. Captain: We must get this 5 megabytes of data to Earth to warn them in time. Get that ham operator up here to run radio communications, and get this information off to earth. Hot shot CW operator (N2XS's great-great-great grandson): OK, captain, I can do this with just my 2N2222 and 9-volt battery. However, at 25 words/minute, it will take 555.555 hours to get all the data across. Captain: 555.555 hours!?! Why don't you use ASCII? Operator: Ass-key? I use only my hand on the key, thank you. Captain: No, NO! ASCII is a computer code! Operator: Oh, those newfangled machines. *I* don't need them. Why, I can copy CW blindfolded in my sleep. Did I ever tell you about the time... Captain (exasperated): Can't you start sending the data now? Operator: Oh, sure, cap'n, but I don't think it'll do any good. There are only two ham radio operators left on the earth these days, one in Antarctica and the other on a DX-pedition in Nepal. Since they never removed the code requirement, we were able to keep all the kids, lids and space cadets off the air and keep the airwaves open for us REAL operators. Of course, there aren't too many of us left these days... Captain: Can't you run the packet-switched hyperspace net? Operator: What's that? Captain, I can even send at 30 wpm if I tune up my Vibroplex. I don't need any of that digital stuff. Look, it almost ruined ham radio when it came out 150 years ago. Its still too new to be relied on for the safety of the Solar System, I say. Five hours later, the Vogons build their hyperspace bypass through where the planet Earth used to be. Phil Karn, KA9Q