[comp.sources.apple2] v001SRC046: now -- ad-lib Generator For Orca

jac@yoko.rutgers.edu (Jonathan A. Chandross) (05/03/91)

Submitted-by: Jawaid Bazyar (bazyar@cs.uiuc.edu)
Posting-number: Volume 1, Source:46
Archive-name: games/gs/shell/orca/now
Architecture: ONLY_2gs
Version-number: 1.2

Ad-lib generator.  Requires Orca shell.

Enjoy.


###################################

=now.doc
-
-===========
-    NOW
-===========
-
-Version 1.2
-
-There are no parameters for now.  Note that now's output might be 
-considered offensive by some.  You've been warned.  People who don't
-read doc files first (or look at movie ratings or read reviews etc...)
-don't deserve to be protected from 'obscenity'.
-
-In any case, now uses VERY random numbers (the x and y positions of the 
-electron gun in the monitor) to generate some (usually) funny statements.
-Give it a try...
-
------
-
-Jawaid Bazyar
-Derek Taubert
-
-Copyright 1990 by Procyon Software
-Freeware - distribute but don't sell!
-
-This utility is FreeWare.  Distribute them as much as you like, just
-don't sell them or distribute modified versions.  Send me your comments -
-I'm eager to hear from you for suggestions and improvements.
-
-Also, if you make any modifications to the code please do not redistribute
-them. Instead, send me the changed source along with an explanation and
-I will consider including your change in the next version.
-
-	Jawaid Bazyar
-	1120 Maple Street
-	Mt. Vernon, IL 62864
-
-	Internet/ARPAnet     bazyar@cs.uiuc.edu
-	GEnie                J.BAZYAR
-
=now.c
-#include <stdio.h>
-#include <stdlib.h>
-#include <time.h>
-#include <ctype.h>
-
-static char     *faster[] = {
-        "\"Let the games begin!\"",             "\"Sweet Jesus!\"",
-        "\"Not that!\"",                        "\"At last!\"",
-        "\"Land o' Goshen!\"",                  "\"Is that all?\"",
-        "\"Cheese it, the cops!\"",             "\"I never dreamed it could be\"",
-        "\"If I do, you won't respect me!\"",   "\"Now!\"",
-        "\"Open sesame!\"",                     "\"EMR!\"",
-        "\"Again!\"",                           "\"Faster!\"",
-        "\"Harder!\"",                          "\"Help!\"",
-        "\"Fuck me harder!\"",                  "\"Is it in yet?\"",
-        "\"You aren't my father!\"",            "\"Doctor, that's not *my* shou\"",
-        "\"No, no, do the goldfish!\"",         "\"Holy Batmobile, Batman!\"",
-        "\"He's dead, he's dead!\"",            "\"Take me, Robert!\"",
-        "\"I'm a Republican!\"",                "\"Put four fingers in!\"",
-        "\"What a lover!\"",                    "\"Talk dirty, you pig!\"",
-        "\"The ceiling needs painting,\"",      "\"Suck harder!\"",
-        "\"The animals will hear!\"",           "\"Not in public!\"",
-};
-
-static char     *said[] = {
-        "bellowed",             "yelped",               "croaked",
-        "growled",              "panted",               "moaned",
-        "grunted",              "laughed",              "warbled",
-        "sighed",               "ejaculated",           "choked",
-        "stammered",            "wheezed",              "squealed",
-        "whimpered",            "salivated",            "tongued",
-        "cried",                "screamed",             "yelled",
-        "said",
-};
-
-static char     *the[] = {
-        "the",
-};
-
-static char     *fadj[] = {
-        "saucy",                "wanton",               "unfortunate",
-        "lust-crazed",          "nine-year-old",        "bull-dyke",
-        "bisexual",             "gorgeous",             "sweet",
-        "nymphomaniacal",       "large-hipped",         "freckled",
-        "forty-five year old",  "white-haired",         "large-boned",
-        "saintly",              "blind",                "bearded",
-        "blue-eyed",            "large tongued",        "friendly",
-        "piano playing",        "ear licking",          "doe eyed",
-        "sock sniffing",        "lesbian",              "hairy",
-};
-
-
-static char     *female[] = {
-        "baggage",              "hussy",                "woman",
-        "Duchess",              "female impersonator",  "nymphomaniac",
-        "virgin",               "leather freak",        "home-coming queen",
-        "defrocked nun",        "bisexual budgie",      "cheerleader",
-        "office secretary",     "sexual deviate",       "DARPA contract monitor",
-        "little matchgirl",     "ceremonial penguin",   "femme fatale",
-        "bosses' daughter",     "construction worker",  "sausage abuser",
-        "secretary",            "Congressman's page",   "grandmother",
-        "penguin",              "German shepherd",      "stewardess",
-        "waitress",             "prostitute",           "computer science group",
-        "housewife",
-};
-
-static char     *asthe[] = {
-        "as the",
-};
-
-static char     *madjec[] = {
-        "thrashing",            "slurping",             "insatiable",
-        "rabid",                "satanic",              "corpulent",
-        "nose-grooming",        "tripe-fondling",       "dribbling",
-        "spread-eagled",        "orally fixated",       "vile",
-        "awesomely endowed",    "handsome",             "mush-brained",
-        "tremendously hung",    "three-legged",         "pile-driving",
-        "cross-dressing",       "gerbil buggering",     "bung-hole stuffing",
-        "sphincter licking",    "hair-pie chewing",     "muff-diving",
-        "clam shucking",        "egg-sucking",          "bicycle seat sniffing",
-};
-
-static char     *male[] = {
-        "rakehell",             "hunchback",            "lecherous lickspittle",
-        "archduke",             "midget",               "hired hand",
-        "great Dane",           "stallion",             "donkey",
-        "electric eel",         "paraplegic pothead",   "dirty old man",
-        "faggot butler",        "friar",                "black-power advocate",
-        "follicle fetishist",   "handsome priest",      "chicken flicker",
-        "homosexual flamingo",  "ex-celibate",          "drug sucker",
-        "ex-woman",             "construction worker",  "hair dresser",
-        "dentist",              "judge",                "social worker",
-};
-
-static char     *diddled[] = {
-        "diddled",              "devoured",             "fondled",
-        "mouthed",              "tongued",              "lashed",
-        "tweaked",              "violated",             "defiled",
-        "irrigated",            "penetrated",           "ravished",
-        "hammered",             "bit",                  "tongue slashed",
-        "sucked",               "fucked",               "rubbed",
-        "grudge fucked",        "masturbated with",     "slurped",
-};
-
-char *her[] = {
-        "her",
-};
-
-static char     *titadj[] = {
-        "alabaster",            "pink-tipped",          "creamy",
-        "rosebud",              "moist",                "throbbing",
-        "juicy",                "heaving",              "straining",
-        "mammoth",              "succulent",            "quivering",
-        "rosey",                "globular",             "varicose",
-        "jiggling",             "bloody",               "tilted",
-        "dribbling",            "oozing",               "firm",
-        "pendulous",            "muscular",             "bovine",
-};
-
-static char     *knockers[] = {
-        "globes",               "melons",               "mounds",
-        "buds",                 "paps",                 "chubbies",
-        "protuberances",        "treasures",            "buns",
-        "bung",                 "vestibule",            "armpits",
-        "tits",                 "knockers",             "elbows",
-        "eyes",                 "hooters",              "jugs",
-        "lungs",                "headlights",           "disk drives",
-        "bumpers",              "knees",                "fried eggs",
-        "buttocks",             "charlies",             "ear lobes",
-        "bazooms",              "mammaries",
-};
-
-char *and[] = {
-        "and",
-};
-
-static char     *thrust[] = {
-        "plunged",              "thrust",               "squeezed",
-        "pounded",              "drove",                "eased",
-        "slid",                 "hammered",             "squished",
-        "crammed",              "slammed",              "reamed",
-        "rammed",               "dipped",               "inserted",
-        "plugged",              "augured",              "pushed",
-        "ripped",               "forced",               "wrenched",
-};
-
-static char     *his[] = {
-        "his",
-};
-
-static char     *dongadj[] = {
-        "bursting",             "jutting",              "glistening",
-        "Brobdingnagian",       "prodigious",           "purple",
-        "searing",              "swollen",              "rigid",
-        "rampaging",            "warty",                "steaming",
-        "gorged",               "trunklike",            "foaming",
-        "spouting",             "swinish",              "prosthetic",
-        "blue veined",          "engorged",             "horse like",
-        "throbbing",            "humongous",            "hole splitting",
-        "serpentine",           "curved",               "steel encased",
-        "glass encrusted",      "knobby",               "surgically altered",
-        "metal tipped",         "open sored",           "rapidly dwindling",
-        "swelling",             "miniscule",            "boney",
-};
-
-static char     *dong[] = {
-        "intruder",             "prong",                "stump",
-        "member",               "meat loaf",            "majesty",
-        "bowsprit",             "earthmover",           "jackhammer",
-        "ramrod",               "cod",                  "jabber",
-        "gusher",               "poker",                "engine",
-        "brownie",              "joy stick",            "plunger",
-        "piston",               "tool",                 "manhood",
-        "lollipop",             "kidney prodder",       "candlestick",
-        "John Thomas",          "arm",                  "testicles",
-        "balls",                "finger",               "foot",
-        "tongue",               "dick",                 "one-eyed wonder worm",
-        "canyon yodeler",       "middle leg",           "neck wrapper",
-        "stick shift",          "dong",                 "Linda Lovelace choker",
-};
-
-static char     *intoher[] = {
-        "into her",
-};
-
-static char     *twatadj[] = {
-        "pulsing",              "hungry",               "hymeneal",
-        "palpitating",          "gaping",               "slavering",
-        "welcoming",            "glutted",              "gobbling",
-        "cobwebby",             "ravenous",             "slurping",
-        "glistening",           "dripping",             "scabiferous",
-        "porous",               "soft-spoken",          "pink",
-        "dusty",                "tight",                "odiferous",
-        "moist",                "loose",                "scarred",
-        "weapon-less",          "banana stuffed",       "tire tracked",
-        "mouse nibbled",        "tightly tensed",       "oft traveled",
-        "grateful",             "festering",
-};
-
-static char     *twat[] = {
-        "swamp.",               "honeypot.",            "jam jar.",
-        "butterbox.",           "furburger.",           "cherry pie.",
-        "cush.",                "slot.",                "slit.",
-        "cockpit.",             "damp.",                "furrow.",
-        "sanctum sanctorum.",   "bearded clam.",        "continental divide.",
-        "paradise valley.",     "red river valley.",    "slot machine.",
-        "quim.",                "palace.",              "ass.",
-        "rose bud.",            "throat.",              "eye socket.",
-        "tenderness.",          "inner ear.",           "orifice.",
-        "appendix scar.",       "wound.",               "navel.",
-        "mouth.",               "nose.",                "cunt.",
-};
-
-struct table {
-        char    **item;
-        short   len;
-};
-
-typedef struct table    TABLE;
-#define SZ(a)           sizeof(a) / sizeof(char *)
-
-TABLE   list[] = {
-        faster,         SZ(faster),     said,           SZ(said),
-        the,            SZ(the),        fadj,           SZ(fadj),
-        female,         SZ(female),     asthe,          SZ(asthe),
-        madjec,         SZ(madjec),     male,           SZ(male),
-        diddled,        SZ(diddled),    her,            SZ(her),
-        titadj,         SZ(titadj),     knockers,       SZ(knockers),
-        and,            SZ(and),        thrust,         SZ(thrust),
-        his,            SZ(his),        dongadj,        SZ(dongadj),
-        dong,           SZ(dong),       intoher,        SZ(intoher),
-        twatadj,        SZ(twatadj),    twat,           SZ(twat),
-        (char **)NULL,  (short)NULL,
-};
-
-#define LLINE   50
-static short    lwidth;
-
-main()
-{
-        register TABLE  *ttp;
-        register char   *cp;
-        int             getpid;
-        time_t          now;
-
-        getpid = *((int *) 0xE0C02E); /* read the horz and vert scan locs */
-        now = time(&now) / rand();
-        srand(getpid + (int)((now >> 16) + now + time(&now)));
-
-        for (ttp = list;ttp->item;++ttp,++lwidth) {
-                for (cp = ttp->len > 1 ? ttp->item[rand() % ttp->len] : *ttp->item;*cp;++cp,++lwidth)
-                        if (isspace(*cp)) outsp();
-                        else putchar(*cp);
-                outsp();
-        }
-        if (lwidth) putchar('\n');
-}
-
-static
-outsp()
-{
-        if (lwidth > LLINE) {
-                putchar('\n');
-                lwidth = -1;
-        }
-        else putchar(' ');
-}
-
-
+ END OF ARCHIVE