rhys@batserver.cs.uq.oz.au (Rhys Weatherley) (09/29/90)
Well, since there were a substantial number of requests from comp.sys.ibm.pc.misc readers, here is a list of what does and doesn't constitute a real programmer :-). I'm also posting this to comp.misc. This is the text of a sheet of paper I have pasted to my wall. It is in no way my creation (it's a photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy), and so please send complaints on a one way trip to the bin in the corner (trash can for Americans :-). Enjoy! Rhys. P.S. I have more where this came from, but I'm 5 weeks away from end of year exams and I need to catch up :-(. REAL PROGRAMMERS ---------------- - Real programmers are a figment of the imagination. - Real programmers detest candy-ass architects. Candy-ass architects won't allow Execute instructions to address another Execute. Real programmers despise petty restrictions. - Real programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet trained. They wear neckties and carefully line up sharp pencils on an otherwise clean desk. - Real programmers don't believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules. Managers firm up schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules. Real programmers ignore schedules. - Real programmers don't bring paper bag lunches. If the vending machine sells it, they eat it. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche. - Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand. - Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings of the object deck. - Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Cavemen drew flowcharts, and look how much good it did them. - Real programmers don't drive cars, or any other complicated mechanical contrivance. Walking or bicycling are okay. If a real programmer's bicycle breaks down he has a technician fix it. - Real programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport which requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is okay, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room. - Real programmers don't write applications programs, they program right down to the BARE METAL. Applications programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming. - Real programmers don't write in APL, unless the whole program can be written in one line. - Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually no programmers write in BASIC after the age of twelve. - Real programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy applications programmers. - Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. - Real programmers don't write in LISP. Only faggot programs contain more parentheses than actual code. - Real programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of those pinky computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories. - Real programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for gutless people who can't decide whether they want COBOL or FORTRAN. - Real programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all, and take what they get. - Real programmers have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. They exist only to deal with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners, and other mental defectives. - Real programmers like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave oven. Real programmers use the heat from the CPU. They can tell which jobs are running from the rate of popping. - Real programmers never grow old. They suffer from burnouts, monumental crashes, or bugs in their DNA. - Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night. - Real programmers scorn floating point arithmetic. The decimal point was invented for pansy bed-wetters who are unable to think big.
ts@uwasa.fi (Timo Salmi) (09/29/90)
In article <5041@uqcspe.cs.uq.oz.au> rhys@batserver.cs.uq.oz.au writes: > >Well, since there were a substantial number of requests from >comp.sys.ibm.pc.misc readers, here is a list of what does and doesn't >constitute a real programmer :-). I'm also posting this to comp.misc. > : The only thing that is true real programming is writing executable code directly with a binary editor. Every other definition is for wipms only. :-) :-) :-) ................................................................... Prof. Timo Salmi (Moderating at anon. ftp site 128.214.12.3) School of Business Studies, University of Vaasa, SF-65101, Finland Internet: ts@chyde.uwasa.fi Funet: gado::salmi Bitnet: salmi@finfun
zmls04@trc.amoco.com (Martin L. Smith) (09/30/90)
In article <1990Sep29.100526.2667@uwasa.fi> ts@uwasa.fi (Timo Salmi) writes:
The only thing that is true real programming is writing executable
code directly with a binary editor. Every other definition is for
wipms only. :-) :-) :-)
IMHO Prof Salmi is being unreasonable. Clearly anyone who could pass the
traditional guru exam of writing a device driver by typing directly into
cc is a real programmer (actually I think the use of a binary <<editor>>
weakens Prof. Salmi's example). I, as an example, am constructing this
message by rubbing the TXD line on my modem against a battery.
--
Martin L. Smith Amoco Research Center
P.O. Box 3385
zmls04@trc.amoco.com Tulsa, OK 74102
[zmls04@sc.msc.umn.edu] 918-660-4065rhys@batserver.cs.uq.oz.au (Rhys Weatherley) (09/30/90)
zmls04@trc.amoco.com (Martin L. Smith) writes: > Clearly anyone who could pass the >traditional guru exam of writing a device driver by typing directly into >cc is a real programmer (actually I think the use of a binary <<editor>> >weakens Prof. Salmi's example). I, as an example, am constructing this >message by rubbing the TXD line on my modem against a battery. cc!! How non-guru-ish using a high-level language! Real gurus (and real programmers) use "cat >device-program-name" :-). Rhys. +===============================+==============================+ || Rhys Weatherley | University of Queensland, || || rhys@batserver.cs.uq.oz.au | Australia. G'day!! || +===============================+==============================+
peter@ficc.ferranti.com (Peter da Silva) (10/01/90)
In article <5041@uqcspe.cs.uq.oz.au> rhys@batserver.cs.uq.oz.au writes: > - Real programmers don't bring paper bag lunches. If the vending machine > sells it, they eat it. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't > eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche. Oh my god. Our vending machines *do* sell quiche. -- Peter da Silva. `-_-' +1 713 274 5180. 'U` peter@ferranti.com