bruceb@telesoft.UUCP (Bruce Bergman @favorite) (02/24/86)
[line eater offering]
I'm posting this to both net.jokes and net.ham-radio, mainly
because I haven't read anything about "real life" this funny
in a long time, and it involves hams.
This was taken from the latest issue of the newsletter my ham
club puts out. I can't vouch for it's authenticity, but the
ham who contributed it is a pretty reliable source.
Evidently an insurance company wanted to know the whole story
about one of their claims - I'd say this guy gave them everything
they requested...
Enjoy!
----------------------------------------
"I am writing in response to your reqest for additional information in
block number three of the accident-reporting form. I put "poor
planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I
should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will
be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the
accident I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower,
when I completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of
several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 lbs of tools and
spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material
down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by
using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the
top of the tower."
"Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and
loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I wentback to the
ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent
of the 300 lbs of tools. You will note in block #11 of the accident-
reporting form that I weigh only 155 lbs."
"Due to my suprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say,
I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower.
In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming down.
This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only
slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers
of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley."
"Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and
was able to hold on to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximat-
ely the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and
the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools,
the barrel now weighed approximately 20 lbs. I refer you again to my
weight in block #11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent
down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I
met the barrel coming up, this accounts for the two fractured ankles
and the lacerations of my legs and lower body."
"The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries
when I fell onto the pole of tools and fortunately, only three
vertabrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay
there on the tools in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty
barrel 80 feet above me...I again lost my presence of mind...I let
go of the rope."
-----------------------------------------
Contributed by Dean Haney W6RFM, retyped by myself, N7HAW.
--
bang!-
allegra!\ \
crash! \ gould9!--\
ihnp4! \ \
>--sdcsvax!---->--telesoft!bruceb (Bruce Bergman N7HAW)
noscvax! / /
scgvaxd! / sdencore!--/
ucbvax! / /
talaris!-falk@sun.uucp (Ed Falk) (02/25/86)
> > I'm posting this to both net.jokes and net.ham-radio, mainly > because I haven't read anything about "real life" this funny > in a long time, and it involves hams. > > [long convoluted, funny accident report] Actually, that accident was taken from a great irish folk-ballad called "Why Paddy's Not At Work Today" or something like that.
ladkin@kestrel.ARPA (Peter Ladkin) (02/25/86)
In article <307@telesoft.UUCP>, bruceb@telesoft.UUCP (Bruce Bergman @favorite) writes: > > This was taken from the latest issue of the newsletter my ham > club puts out. I can't vouch for it's authenticity, but the > ham who contributed it is a pretty reliable source. > There is a recording of Gerard Hoffnung reading this at the Oxford Union, which I highly recommend. It's at least 25 years old, so it might be hard to find. A joke? Let's see.... An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are shown a room with a long upright tube on the floor, with a ping pong ball at the bottom, and a pitcher of beer. The problem is...how to get the ball out? The engineer empties the beer into the tube, and of course there's not enough. He breaks the tube to get the ball out. The physicist empties the beer into the tube, and blows hard down the side to blow the ball out. The mathematician drinks the beer and waits...... A joke you say? But it's Monday.
mjg@ecsvax.UUCP (Michael Gingell) (02/26/86)
This is a case of direct plagiarism of a speech given by an English raconteur and wit, Gerard Hoffnung, to the Oxford University English Speaking Union in the early 1950s. I have a cassette of the speech which was about a building worker taking a barrel of bricks from the bottom of a building to the top. Apart from that and the fact that his presentation is incredibly funny the story is identical. Mike Gingell ....decvax!mcnc!ecsvax!mjg
foreman@winston.UUCP (Alastair Foreman) (02/27/86)
In article <307@telesoft.UUCP> bruceb@telesoft.UUCP (Bruce Bergman @favorite) writes: >[line eater offering] > >I'm posting this to both net.jokes and net.ham-radio, mainly >because I haven't read anything about "real life" this funny >in a long time, and it involves hams... > > ... I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay >there on the tools in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty >barrel 80 feet above me...I again lost my presence of mind...I let >go of the rope." > As far as I know, the original version of this story (involving a bricklayer) is by Gerard Hofnung in his presentation to the Oxford Union, quite a long time ago (1950's ?). The entire presentation is on a VERY funny record. -- Alastair Foreman New Media Technologies Ltd. ..decvax!microsoft!ubc-vision!winston!foreman ..ihnp4!alberta!ubc-vision!winston!foreman #108 4664 Lougheed Highway Burnaby, B.C., Canada, V5C 5T5 (604) 291-7111