scs@lokkur.dexter.mi.us (Steve Simmons) (07/26/90)
You sit in a darkened theatre, waiting for the main feature. The screen flickers. Then the words "Coming This Summer . . . " appear on the screen, followed by: In the basement of Simmons laboratories, just eight scenic miles from Hell, a computer is being tortured. Dressed in labcoat and anti-static strap, the maddened sysop approaches the cringing machine. "No! No, master! Please! I've been good! Haven't I answered the phone faithfully? Haven't I been your servant for five trouble-free years?" "You don't run BSD," he snarled, "you're a System V box! Take *this*!" Brandishing a phillips screwdriver, he begins removing the back covers. "Please master, I've got more good years left! I've got a bitmapped screen! A mouse! A comfortable keyboard! Please don't kill me . . ." "You're worth more as parts than as a unit," he snarled, "and the offers have rolled in. It's the repair depot for you!" He picks up a pair of needle-nosed pliers. "No! No! Not the combo board! AAAIIIEEEEEE!!!!! My memory! It's fading . . . and my extra serial ports . . . I can't feel my expansion serial ports . . . *sob*." "What do you care," he sneered, "you've still got a built-in 1200 baud modem, another serial port, and a parallel port. Of course, you won't know how to use them now that I've sold the 3.51 Operating System and Manuals. Bwah-ha-ha-ha . . ." "You sold my OS? But master, how will I boot?" "You can go back to 2.0 if you're desperate for manuals. And besides, 3.51 is still on your hard disk." "All right . . . if that's what you think of me . . . what next, Master? My fast 50MB hard disk? My upgraded power supply? My . . . *sniff* 3b1 top and new monitor?" "No." "No? How about my mouse? My keyboard?" "No." "What do you mean no?" "I mean nobody bought them." "Not even the 100+ backup disks, in ring binders, and 50 or 60 disks of USENET software?" "Nobody bought them." "But . . . except for the combo card, I'm still the same computer. I've still got Cnews, gcc, HDB uucp, smail, pathalias . . . Master, what about all the other spare parts?" "Sold. They bought everything but the basic computer and the original monitor and top." "How much did you get?" "What I was offered for the original package of the whole computer and all the spare parts." "Huh??? But I've still got a 68010, running UNIX . . . I've still got Cnews, gcc, HDB uucp, smail, pathalias . . . I've still got my motherboard and an extra monitor . . . Master, I'm still fully functional!" "That's right, Varth. Now shut up, I've got to mail off all these parts and write another clever ad." "Yes Master." His disk seeks quietly for a moment. "Master?" "Yes Varth?" "Thank you." "Shut up, Varth." He leaves. The computer sits quietly until he is gone. Then his disk chortles, and there is a crackling sound from the phone speaker. You listen closely, and as the screen fades to black you hear: "I'm baaaaacccckkkk . . . " You drop your popcorn into your lap. ================================= ================================= Yes folks, it's amazing but true. People bought spare parts right and left, but when it was all over there was still an entire computer left! And the spare parts brought in about what I was offered for the original computer + spare parts. Go figure. So now it's time for . . . "Ginsu III, The UNIX-PC That Wouldn't Die!" Yep, a complete running UNIX-PC. .5MB ram, one serial and one parallel port. 28ms 50MB hard disk (upgradable to 70 MB if you are handy soldering, current config only uses 8 of 11 heads). UNIX V.2 OS release 3.51 installed, no manuals (but a full backup included). UNIX V.2 OS release 2.0 included on original install disks, plus manual. Includes complete development set, editors, and a boatload of PD software. Will throw in 100 5 1/4 floppies used as backups and all my USENET archive disks. If you've ever priced parts for this machine, you've got a good idea of what an extra motherboard, backplane, etc, are worth. So don't fool around, buy this sucker. You'll not find anything cheaper, and if your present unit dies you'll have to pay going market price to fix it. Or if you're looking for a home mail stop and way to learn UNIX, this is the machine for you. Asking: $500. Make an offer, but make it reasonable -- if all I get is lowballs, I'll give it to charity (don't ask -- I've already got one in mind). No trades unless you've got reasonably large (100MB+) SCSI disks. I pay shipping, in original carton. Also, I've still got an extra 7300-style monitor and topcase (asking $25.00). Again, make me an offer. Special Note to Chris Rhea -- every mail path in the world has bounced. If you're interested, please call. Special Note to Roy Sanwalka -- I've sent you a number of messages that got neither replies nor bounces. If you're interested, please call. To everyone else: Bwah-ha-ha-ha, Steve Simmons Contact info: Home: Office: scs@lokkur.dexter.mi.us scs@hela.iti.org ...itivax!lokkur!scs 313-769-4086 (8-5 M-F EST) 313-426-8989 (6-9PM EST M-F, all day Sat/Sun)