moorthy@hctdemo.leis.bellcore.com (Velu Sembugamoorthy) (05/11/91)
I do not know whether you would like to read the kind of experiences that
I am reporting here. If so, I will report more later. The reason why I am reporting here
is to find out whether any scripture or master has talked about similar stuff.
Before this experience I had not read any of the religious/philosophical system.
I have not performed any yogic experience for any religious reasons. I did occasionally
on my own by looking at some book in order to be healthier. From 1970 to 75 I went
tremendous frustration because I could not fit myself into the working environment
in a famous research institute in India. In 76, I developed the habit of listening
to Bhajan songs ( songs mostly in Hindi and Sansckrit that praise Indian Gods)
whose meaning I did not fully understand. After hearing this for about 30 mnts or so,
I used to sit silently for a while and get up. One day when I was sitting silently
in my room after hearing the songs, suddenly I heard a strange breathing sound
behind my back. Hearing this I felt as if something at the topmost part of my head
started rotating. Suddenly I "saw" (with eyes fully closed) an outline of me sitting.
There was only outline there. I clearly felt that is me. The outline was of golden
colour. Next moment I felt a golden colour light entering through the whole of my body
and washing each and every cell of my body. I could feel and "see" (eyes closed again)
it happening. At that time I experienced tremendous joy in me, the like of which
I never experienced in my life before. This joy persisted for about three 3 weeks after
the experience. At the next moment, the golden light completely filled me ( just me
without any body consciousness) and overflowed.
At that time I "saw" ( eyes closed) the golden light everywhere before me. The "me"
here had no body consciousness. It is just me. Rooted at the golden light, I saw
a black leaflike stuff oscilating. There was a voice saying that it is your mind
and a small part of it is left. Then the black leaf started shrinking and finally
only a dot of the balck leaflike stuff i.e., the point whch was connected to the
golden light remained. At that time I felt
that the dot to be same place as my top of my head. Then the dot also vanished and
I was not aware of what happened aftwerwards. After sometime, I do not know How long
it was, I became aware of the black colour before me. Soon after I regained my
physical conciousness. As I said before, the tremendous uncomparable joy remained
with me for about three weeks. I tried to understand the experience by talking
to some people and reading some books. I did not succeed. Slowly I forgot
abou this experience.
But very soon I came across Krishnamurti's book "commentaries on living",
liked it but could not understand very much. Nevertheless I kept reading. Nothing
happened till January 1986 at Austin, Texas. After that date I went through many
experiences. I would like to describe the one in 1989 because it was related
very much to the first one.
One day I was sitting and hearing some Bhajan songs, eyes closed.
Then Suddenly I saw an yellow, golden like rectangular strip of light at the back of
my head from my neck to top of my head. Then I "saw" a kind of rose light
spread everywhere behind me except at the golden strip. The rose light
was closing on the golden strip. All this time I was exprncing all these as well as
"seeing" it. I felt that I was two, the one experiencing these light behind
and the other who is seeing the whole thing. Then suddenly the rose light succeeded
in closing onto the goilden strip. When it happened, I fully became the me who was
watching the whole experience. The rose and golden light converged at some point in me
(remember I had no boundry of me and no physical body) and I "saw" a golden ball of
light with some traces of rose light at that point at which the light converged in me.
I flet tremendous love at that point of me, the love which I have never experienced
before in my life. When I came out
of this experience I started feeling and "seing" other people in that golden ball of
of light.
I think I will stop at this point. I still read Krishnamurti. I understand
him much better now. I understand what he means when he says that your mind cannot
force itself to be in the present; only Love can do it; you cannot go after it."
I will talk other experiences related to Krishnamurti later if there is any interest.
I understand now how experiencing becomes an experience and the experiencer;
and the experiencer gets got in trying to understand the experience. Sometime this
desire to understand the experience vanishes in me. Some other time there is a desire
to interpret this in terms of what has been known already in the scritptures and books.
Today is one such day. Hence this message. I hope I have not bored you. Please let me
know anybody who had similar experience or any book which talks about this experience.
(Lately I read Muktananda's "Play of consciousness". He does not describe the kind
of experience that I went through.) Thanks./moorthy