holmesda@ncar.UCAR.EDU (HOLMES DAVID) (09/04/90)
BAR-BE-QUE OF DOOM (a space age love story) She led him into the bedroom with a smile on her lip. "Aha! Good easy buttsex!" he thought lackadaisically. "Good thing I brought my penis!" he chuckled to himself. "What?" she asked, momentarily unsure of the situation. After all, he wasn't good looking, what with a cleft head and all. "Oh, nothing!" he said with a toothy grin. "No, really, what?" she said aging. "Oh, I was just glad I brought this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a swollen ivory fist. "ooooh, ahhhh," she grunted. "That's good, because I brought THIS!" she reached into her pouch and pulled out a disfigured foot. "This will be fun! Just like you promised in your ad!" he blurted. She drew him down onto the futon. He lay back, but something pricked him in the back. "Ack! What's this?!?" he articulated, pulling huge mandible out from under the covers. "Oh, don't worry yourself with that, love. Look at this?" she said thrusting her cat in his face. "What!" "Oh, woops. I mean this?" she said, shoving her face in his face. "Hm." he thought, "she has a weird face." In fact, she had a huge wiry hair coming out of her tooth. She kissed him with restrained abandon. The way her hair tickled his esophagus really excited his pulsating fist. "Watch this!" he whispered lewdly, hoping to turn her on. He friskily fluttered his eyeflap at her lap, which groaned restlessly with a torpid passion. "Do me!" she said sarcastically. She rolled over and spread her cheeks in a very ladylike fashion, which reminded him of Princess Di or Al Sharpton. He drew out his ivory fist and paused. She reached back and handed him some tarry looking substance with bits of meat and bone in it. He lubricated the fist thoughtfully and gingerly rammed it home. She cried for more while he increased the tempo of his plunging stroked her well- formed placenta until she climaxed. A thick and soupy sludge emerged from her sternum with tired irony. "oh you're so good!" she sighed. He removed the fist and she rolled over, gasping for nitrogen. He pensively caressed her lungbag with his good stump. Suddenly, she hit him in the head with the disfigured foot. "Ngsfll!" he screamed. "What'd you do that for?!?" "That tickled, " she countered with disdainful flatulence as she careened his cleft cranium again. "Snit!" he cried as his tooth flew from his sweaty mouth. "C'mere lover. Do me right!" She threw him back against the bed and straddled him. He smiled in spite of the blood flowing from his gums. Suddenly, a three fingered appendage quickly emerged from her gaping vaginal orifice to grab his manhood. It dropped the leg and then correctly pulled the pulsating pecker into the. "Hi-yah!" he screamed wildly. She held him down w/ all of her arms. "Smanch Snig Fnortgobbel Shit!" she screamed. Her jaws opened to a monstrous proportion and ripped off his lips with her suction leg. Amidst all of his screaming and wild gyrating, he strangley thought, "hm. funny I never noticed those suction legs." That was the last thought he ever thought, though, because she then opened her vagina and sucked him in, where a small creature inside efficiently dismembered his cerebellum. "Thanks, Dad." said the creature inside as it absorbed the flesh voraciously. /*--------------------------------------------------- */ /* david holmes | famous pick-up lines */ /* john schallenkamp| -i'd eat through a mile of your */ /* holmesda@snoopy. | shit 2 c where it came from. */ /* colorado.edu | -U'r so good lookin I'd eat a */ /* -----------------| banana out of your ass. */ /* questions and | -Hey! I was eating that! */ /* comments welcome | */ /*--------------------------------------------------- */ -- Mail rec.arts.erotica submissions to erotica@telly.on.ca. Most software will automatically mail your postings to that address.