bchurch@oucsace.cs.OHIOU.EDU (Bob Church) (11/28/90)
Ok, this has nothing to do with Apple computers. On the other hand, setting up mailing lists so that sick kids can get world record amounts of get well cards doesn't either but we always get them around Christmas. Therefore I shamelessly lifted this from alt.slack and crossposted it to here. [] Craig Shergold's battle against the incurable disease Gineokenella was going very well until last month, when he was suffocated by a collapsing pile of postcards. As a memorial to Craig, the Stamp out Printed Matter (SPAM) society has been founded. We advocate sending massive quantities of E-mail, TV signals, loud noises, etc., but we are against anything that is printed or written on paper. Why? * Paper uses up trees! Every time you use a sheet of paper, you've shortened a tree somewhere by 1/64 inch! * Paper can give you nasty cuts. * Sometimes paper mutates into a form which cannot be disposed of--such as the pile of National Geographics that's been in your parents' attic since 1948. * Saddam Hussein's middle name, in Arabic, means "paper". * Paper is almost, but not quite, edible, leading to millions of cases of paper poisoning every year as stupid people thing that paper is good food. * Paper was a key material used at Nazi Tactical Headquarters for most of World War II. * Paper can KILL if it's thrown hard enough, sometimes. So there you have it. Help prevent future postcard tragedies. The next time some poor innocent kid who just happens to be named Chraig Shergold wants you to send him postcards, send him a million phone calls instead. To get rid of your paper, the SPAM society suggests that you sort it by type of paper and dispose of it thusly: 1.) Convert all newspapers into fake fireplace logs. 2.) All business correspondence, college homework, junk mail, etc., can be fed to a handy paper shredder and used to seed clouds to make it rain to help crops grow to prevent world hunger. 3.) All paper money--the most DANGEROUS form of paper--should be placed in an envelope and IMMEDIATELY sent to: KIBO PO BOX 722 BOSTON, MA 02117-0722 Thank you for your care, hope, love, understanding, and cash. Kibo