WMartin@Office-3@sri-unix.UUCP (09/12/83)
From: WMartin at Office-3 (Will Martin) The following item appeared in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch of 12 Sep 83: NOW, YOU TOO CAN BE A STAR By Marylin Schwartz, c 1983, Dallas Morning News If you've been wishing for the moon and the stars, here's an update. The moon is still out of reach. But the stars can now be put on your American Express card. For just $35, an Illinois company will name a star in your honor. "This is definitely for the person who has everything," explains Jane Johnson, a spokesman for International Star Registry of Northfield, Ill. "You can even pick your own constellation. We have a copyright on the concept of designating stars with names instead of numbers. This includes about 400,000 stars in the Northern Hemisphere." Ms. Johnson says this means, 2000 years from now, explorers could very well uncover the charting of the Eiseman Star. This is not Eiseman named for a famous astrologer or even Eiseman named for a famous philosopher. This is Richard and Louise Eiseman of Dallas. "We were just thrilled when some friends surprised my husband and me with our very own star for our anniversary," explains Mrs. Eiseman. International Star Registry makes a record of each star and then sends detailed charts to the people whose names they designate. "We also send a parchment proclaiming a star has been named in your honor," says Ms. Johnson. "You need a telescope to find them. That's why we stick to the Northern Hemisphere. All our stars can be sighted within the United States." Ms. Johnson says astrologers have 26 different, more scientific listings of star locations. "There is a Smithsonian listing, a Czechoslovakian listing, a Hungarian listing and so on," she says. "We are all talking about the same stars. But we use names. They use numbers." She points out that even real-life stars like having a heavenly star. "Johnny Carson has a star named after him," she says. "So do Suzanne Pleshette, Barry Manilow, Dolly Parton, the late Shah of Iran, Elvis Presley, Lucille Ball, Burt Reynolds, Calvin Klein, Elton John, and all that television M*A*S*H gang." She won't say who made the purchases. That is confidential. "But I can tell you that we reserve the constellation of Andromeda for celebrites," she explains. "The stars in Andromeda just seem to shine brighter than anywhere else." She says customers frequently request constellations that are their birth signs. Binary stars are also popular. They are recommended for lovers. "That's because binary stars are actually two stars that revolve around each other," she says. Ms. Johnson explains that her organization always tries to be creative in its recommendations. For instance, the registry suggests that pilots might like the Aquila constellation. That's the sign of the eagle. Dog lovers like Canis Major and Canis Minor, the greater dog and the lesser dog. "For lawyers," she says, "we always recommend the Big Dipper." ***End of article*** So help me, that is what it said... After typing this, I now feel like a National Enquirer staffer. Can you believe that a for-real newspaper published this drivel?!?!? I realize that some of the text makes no sense at all, but I guess it fits in with the subject... Note how "astrologers" is used instead of "astronomers" and I still can't make head or tail of what explorers in 3983 are doing when they "uncover the charting of the Eiseman Star"! Regards, Will Martin
REM@MIT-MC@sri-unix.UUCP (09/18/83)
From: Robert Elton Maas <REM @ MIT-MC> Sigh, the ripoff continues. By the way, you can't get a copyright on a concept, only on a specific writing which describes it. The FTC should be told about that misleading advertising.
esj@ihuxl.UUCP (09/20/83)
As someone from UT Astronomy (I think) pointed out, the IAU is the body which officially names celestial bodies. There can be a thousand of these ripoff companies naming stars and it doesn't mean squat, except for the people who are getting rich by using other peoples' ignorance. Jeff "I'll sell you a plot on Mars" Johnson