G9348712%NMSUVM1.BITNET@MITVMA.MIT.EDU (G a b r i e l) (02/21/90)
Ruchelleh (as my grandmother would say), one thing you might do is to
see how much of the needs that are supposedly sexual are filled in other
ways:
1. The need for intimacy.... having someone with whom you can
share private time and close space, talking about the same sort
of silly stuff (my, how alliterative!) that lovers talk about.
And also the horrible stuff that you are afraid to talk to
someone about.
2. The need for touch.... have someone (who doesn't have the hots
for you, and vice versa) who will, say, massage your neck,
shoulders, back, arms OFTEN (like every day) in return for the
same.
What I'm getting at is more true for men than for women, but it *may* be
pertinent for you anyway. I think that we need to touch and be close,
and that we hardly ever get that except in sex, so we assume that we are
'horny' when, in fact, we are touch-hungry and close-hungry as well as
horny. Touch and love will get you through times of no sex far better
than sex will get you through times of no love or touch (to update the
Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers). The wind-up to all this is that I've
been through times when I did without sex, mostly by choice, and those
times were *much* easier when I had the other two.
G a b r i e l
"Don't wrap it, I'll eat it here." -- (I guess it's still on my mind.)henry@GARP.MIT.EDU (Henry Mensch) (02/22/90)
I think that G a b r i e l addresses the important issues here. nevertheless, we have to remember that sex is still fun ... it just needs perspective. -- h ----
DANGAY%UNC.BITNET@MITVMA.MIT.EDU (Daniel L Leonard) (02/22/90)
gabriel,
cheers !!bravo !
very well stated. i always hug an inmate when in go
to see him and upon leaving. the touching is affirming of
them as human beings. almost all touching in prison (UNLESS
IT's fighting) is considered to be sexual, so they get very
few hugs.
i had an ex as a tennant once. we hugged allot
and felt comfortable asking for one when we needed it.
dangay