jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM (Jane Beckman x2637) (01/17/90)
Jilara leans back against the wall, stretching out her legs. "I don't know about you guys, but I must be one of the few people here who isn't in a corner. I tend to take the table along the mid-wall to the right. I guess I just don't like corners---make me feel trapped. I don't sit with my back to the door, either, even in Callahan's...paranoids live longer." She sits up and snaps her fingers. "Oh yeah, that's right. I wanted to extend Alaric's greetings to you all. He's unable to get into the Place right now, and is dropping me notes by other means. He might show up as a shadow, now and then. I have some small magics at my disposal..." She gets up and starts to pace, her arms folded behind her back, going six feet one way, six feet the other. Friends call this her "bee dance," and it usually means troubling thoughts are besetting her. "Materialism. Oh yes, I know this one. I have a sister-in-law who's a materialist, and a brother who's not. Unfortunately, she's the strong-willed one... I have come to the ultimate realization that money is only as good as the peace of mind it brings you. I can live very nicely without a lot of things. I can't live without people. And people are the safety net that will keep you going when the money runs out. My friend Stripes...when his money ran out, his friends were what took care of him. He inherited money, earlier this year, and it mostly went away, due to his triple bypass surgery... But the friends stepped in and helped. I was so glad to be taking guitar lessons from him, because I learned so much, and it helped him with survival money. I have a friend with whom I've traded short-term loans to keep the rent paid and food on the table, over the years. We were both so in debt: keeping each other going was a bond we shared, along with the debt worries. I'm soon going to have a small bit of money, a few thousand from an ancient insurance policy of my father's. What am I doing? I'm using it to help people. Paying off some of my debts is immaterial. People have done a lot for me, over time. I want to pass it on." Absently, she bites a knuckle, a bad habit of when she's thinking, and stops by the fireplace, looks at the shimmering fire and glass shards. "Material goods..." She sighs. "I've been accused of being materialistic, for "hoarding old stuff that has no value except sentimental." Not materialism in the conventional sense, is it?" she laughs ruefully. "My sister-in-law attacks me for having the mentality of a museum curator. Maybe I LIKE museums. There are a few things I find it hard to live without, though, like music. What did the Romans say (was it Pliny?) "Sell your bread and buy hyacynths, for bread is food for the body, but hyacynths are food for the soul?" " She laughs ruefully. "I've always said I'm the ultimate materialist; if I love something enough, I'd rather see it in the hands of my worst enemy than not have it exist at all. Is that weird? People say it is." She looks up at a water-stained hunting print on the wall by the fireplace. "Gee, Callahan, that's exactly the sort of thing I'd keep, myself. No real value, but it helps make The Place what it is, know what I mean?" She smiles. "I think Alaric would appreciate what I'm going to say next, were he here. Samurai are supposed to distain money. That doesn't say it doesn't have uses, but you learn not to attach importance to having or not having it. A true samurai, who actually follows bushido (and plenty of them didn't) would come into money and spend it to help some poor family, things like that. He doesn't let these things influence his world-view. I've spent my last nickle, literally, a couple times, to do something for someone who needed some gesture to make them feel better. And never regretted. This is something that I think might have become a major point of contention between myself and my former SO. He was very into success, money, all that sort of thing. He'd grown up in a home with a good deal of money, but no love. I remember when he found out these garnets he'd kept and thought were wonderful were worth about $10 apiece. Suddenly, he didn't think they were so nice at all. (He left them behind when he moved out, too.) I kept wondering if, if I were to become unemployed, he'd start hating me, because I was no longer worth something. He didn't see the correlation. I did..." She sighs again. "Probably a good thing we didn't get married... Funny, though, but I don't think I've ever seen someone made happy by having money, but I've seen a lot of people made absolutely miserable by it. Do I have enough? Will I lose it? Is someone cheating me? Do I have more than so-and-so? It is possible to be happy in poverty; I've known people who are poor but very rich in other things. Having no money, they treasure what matters: fellow humans." She smiles at Callahan knowingly. "And as it ever occurred to you that this bar has the cheapest drinks around?" He blushes. "Uh huh, I thought so. Keep it up, my friend. It makes the Place unique." Callahan gets very busy mopping the bar... ---Jilara the Exile <motcsd!fsdcupt!jane@apple.com> (I hope.) "If I'm not home accepting what I cannot change, I'm out changing what I can't accept." ---Ashleigh Brilliant (alternate identity may be jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.com---don't you love computers with identity crises?)