n8442349@unicorn.WWU.EDU (joy ralph m) (01/18/90)
The door opens somewhat slowly and a small centaur steps somewhat hesitantly inside. She looks like what you would have if you crossed a hobbit with an overfed Shetland pony. She shakes the damp out of her chestnut hair and stops, then with a look of resolution and hope on her face, she clops over to the bar. "Bailey's and chocolate milk" she says, laying a dollar on the countertop. Then taking a deep breath, she steps forward. "I'm usually pretty shy, and even in a place as warm and friendly as this I have a hard time speaking up. But I need some sympathy right now, so I decided to tell my story and then see if any one here has any good ideas." She shuts her hazel-green eyes for a moment. "Last spring, my advisor told me of a job that particularly suited what I was studying. My other form is a biology/anthropology major, with an interest in forensics. The position was of caretaker at a local funeral home. I would live on-site, in a very nice apartment, and do odd jobs around the place - wash the cars, set up for services, vaccum, etc. And as a bonus, if I were interested (as I most certainly was), I could take the opportunity to study enbalming and other aspects of funeral operation that relate to forensics." "I jumped at the chance. Even better, when I interviewed for the position, they told me they prefered couples." She pauses and drinks. "Now, I happen to have been involved in a relation- ship for two years at the time of the interview, and we had been living together for 4 months. We consider ourselves married, though there are no papers on file anywhere to that effect. I still remain somewhat naive, however, and so, when they asked me if I was married, I chose honesty and answered that no, I wasn't, but that I was part of a couple." She stops. "Well, you can guess the result. They hired the other guy who also interviewed with them, despite the fact that I was better qualified academically and in the other _stated_ areas of need." She takes another drink, and sighs. "Why am I telling all of you patient people this somewhat grisly story? I talked to my advisor again today, and she said that (surprise, surprise) the position is open again because the man they hired left/didn't work out. (I know him, and am not surprised. This is not personal jealousy, either, as other people expressed surprise that he was chosen over me, my advisor included.) BUT, she told me, they won't consider me unless I am willing to live there alone or unless my SO and I get married officially." She stops again, and a look of anger flits across her face. "Now, she (my advisor) told me that the owner of the funeral home had said that this was because of their elderly and conservative clientel; that apparently they were afraid that if word got out that they employed a couple who were LIVING IN SIN (not her words) it would be detrimental to business." Her right forefoot begins to stamp lightly in agitation. "I wasn't aware that living with someone was a condition that made itself apparent merely through physical appearance. Or perhaps I have an invisible sign on my forehead visible only to elderly, conservative people. Considering the contact that I would have with patrons of the home (very little), I don't see that they would have the chance to find out, let alone spread the word. We both wear rings on the appropriate fingers, so, if called upon, we could present the illusion of being married, if that truly was the problem." One last stamp, rather loud. Mike frowns. "Sorry. Anyway, if that's their attitude, there's not much it seems I can do about it. I'm not willing to move out on Corey (my SO) if only because he has been supporting _me_ through school for the last year, and I'm not going to take this break if he can't share it. And that doesn't even touch on the fact that he'd have a problem with me living apart, anyway, he's pretty possessive sometimes. I just needed to blow off some steam. Thanks for listening." She finishes her drink. "To listening ears -- all of them." __CRASH__
mwolf@granite.cr.bull.com (Mary-Anne Wolf) (01/18/90)
A female voice comes from the vicinity of the ceiling. "Welcome centaur. I'm glad that you overcame your usual shyness enough to share your problem with us. It is a problematic question as to how far an employer can interfere with your personal life. There are horror stories of IBM employees who were fired when they started to date technically trained people from other computer companies. I absolutely support what I understand to be your decision that your SO is more important than this job. If it were me, I would have decided the same. It is frustrating and unfair that you possibly cannot have both. It makes a difference when your employer is providing you with a place to live, and it is quite possible that the employer is telling the truth about the opinion of the clientel. If the employer is providing the apartment to you, then they ARE entitled to specify that they WON'T provide it to your SO as well. There are a couple of options. One is for you and your SO to either GET legally married or to PERSUADE the emplpyer that you are. A pair of friends of mine lied to their landlord about whether they were married. If a similar situation were to arise, lieing about your marital status might be called for. A less drastic solution is for YOU to be the only one who OFFICIALLY lives in the apartment, but for your SO to be a permanent live-in guest. Another option is to decide that an employer who is so restrictive is NOT worth it, and to find another job. It depends on what your other options are. You have good reason to feel frustrated. Hope this helps." Mary-Anne mwolf@pws.bull.com (or mwolf@granite.cr.bull.com) "It is so clear. You were meant to be here...from the beginning." --
mandel@granite.cr.bull.com (Mark Mandel) (01/19/90)
Silverblack pushes his chair away from the table and stretches.
"I would find it easier to feel your situation and try to think about
it if I knew why you and your SO don't feel like getting formally
married. Is it that you don't like having pieces of paper on file,
with their resulting legal effects? Are you (either or both of you)
allergic to the religious aspects of marriage that you were brought up
with or exposed to, or perhaps to the states of some marriages you've
seen?
You may be able to find sympathetic clergyfolk, either of established
or "alt." religions, who will marry you in a way that embodies your
and Corey's sense of what you want your relationship to be. Such folk
may also be willing to help with the legal side ("marriage" as defined
by the state) and the contractual/practical side (your prospective
employer's requirements."
Silverblack looks down into his glass. "Just enough." Up to the
chalk mark. "To your success, friend!" CRASH!
--
-- Mark Mandel (InterNet: Mandel@granite.cr.bull.com)
/* My employer is not responsible for anything I say, do, think, or eat. */zardoz@apple.com (The One Eyed Man) (01/19/90)
In article <427@unicorn.WWU.EDU> n8442349@unicorn.WWU.EDU (joy ralph m) writes: > The door opens somewhat slowly and a small centaur > steps somewhat hesitantly inside. She looks like what you > would have if you crossed a hobbit with an overfed Shetland > pony. She shakes the damp out of her chestnut hair and stops, > then with a look of resolution and hope on her face, she > clops over to the bar. "Bailey's and chocolate milk" she > says, laying a dollar on the countertop. Then taking a deep > breath, she steps forward. The One Eyed Man looks up from his table. "Now that's a horse of a different color," he says to no one in particular. [a Very Good Oppurtunity is presented to the little critter, but...] > > "I jumped at the chance. Even better, when I interviewed > for the position, they told me they prefered couples." She pauses > and drinks. "Now, I happen to have been involved in a relation- > ship for two years at the time of the interview, and we had been > living together for 4 months. We consider ourselves married, > though there are no papers on file anywhere to that effect. > I still remain somewhat naive, however, and so, when they asked > me if I was married, I chose honesty and answered that no, I > wasn't, but that I was part of a couple." She stops. The One Eyed Man nods, listening intently. > "Well, > you can guess the result. They hired the other guy who also > interviewed with them, despite the fact that I was better > qualified academically and in the other _stated_ areas of need." > > She takes another drink, and sighs. "Why am I telling > all of you patient people this somewhat grisly story? I talked > to my advisor again today, and she said that (surprise, surprise) > the position is open again because the man they hired left/didn't > work out. (I know him, and am not surprised. This is not personal > jealousy, either, as other people expressed surprise that he was > chosen over me, my advisor included.) BUT, she told me, they > won't consider me unless I am willing to live there alone or > unless my SO and I get married officially." She stops again, > and a look of anger flits across her face. "Now, she (my advisor) > told me that the owner of the funeral home had said that this > was because of their elderly and conservative clientel; that > apparently they were afraid that if word got out that they > employed a couple who were LIVING IN SIN (not her words) it > would be detrimental to business." "First thing to do," he says, "it take the big neon sign off of your forhead that says LIVING IN SIN. That might help. But remember also that funeral homes tend to cater to elderly personell, some of them dead. While the dead ones don't complain too much, their brothers, cousins, sisters, &c tend to be the ones who pay the bills, and they really don't want to offend those folks too much." > Her right forefoot begins to stamp lightly in agitation. > "I wasn't aware that living with someone was a condition that > made itself apparent merely through physical appearance. Or > perhaps I have an invisible sign on my forehead visible only > to elderly, conservative people. Considering the contact that > I would have with patrons of the home (very little), I don't > see that they would have the chance to find out, let alone > spread the word. We both wear rings on the appropriate fingers, > so, if called upon, we could present the illusion of being > married, if that truly was the problem." One last stamp, > rather loud. Mike frowns. "Sorry. Anyway, if that's their > attitude, there's not much it seems I can do about it. I'm > not willing to move out on Corey (my SO) if only because he > has been supporting _me_ through school for the last year, > and I'm not going to take this break if he can't share it. > And that doesn't even touch on the fact that he'd have a > problem with me living apart, anyway, he's pretty possessive > sometimes. I just needed to blow off some steam. Thanks for > listening." She finishes her drink. "To listening ears -- > all of them." __CRASH__ "Well," the One Eyed Man says, "what we have here is a clash of cultures. If the two of you consider yourselves married (in YOUR culture, that accounts for quite a bit), and have the appropriate commitments to each other, than that should be enough for anyone (in YOUR culture). But you are dealing with someone outside of your culture. And that seems to be the problem. My SO and are working (more like sliding, actually) together on our sixth year. Taxes, more than anything else, have kept us unmarried. Almost everyone we know thinks we ARE married, and in a cultural sense, we are. However, it sounds like the funeral home didn't want people who considered themselves married. They wanted people whom THEIR culture considered married. Sadly, this is where the cultures clash. A word of warning: I am NOT saying you should go out and get married. Then again, if you are already married, and their is not other overriding reason, why not get the papers and open a few more doors? BTW, in case you think I am being a bit hypocritical, let me eludicate my own situation a bit further. My SO is a Quaker, and we talked a long time (and still are talking) about the situation. The upshot is that we would be paying a sizable marriage tax, and we don't wish to contribute more to the guns-and-war types than we absolutely have to. In every other sense, we are married. As to your own problem, you need to decide. If you are married, then you don't need to tell people you aren't. If you aren't, then stick to your guns. As I remember some states you can be married by both of you simply stating (in public and on paper) that you are. So be careful if you aren't. ************************************* * When you do it to me, it's discrimination * When I do it to you, it's AA ************************************* -- These are my ideas. Oy vey, are they mine. -- zardoz