jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM (Jane Beckman x2637) (01/20/90)
"My experience is that most are not secure enough to deal with a woman cast in quite my mold," Jilara says thoughtfully. "I talked to my first fiance last night, about my second ex-fiance. The second claimed to be my equal, want a woman who was independant. What he really meant was that he wanted a woman who wouldn't make too many demands on him. He also got very resentful of the fact I didn't need him, that I could have my own life without him... My first fiance and I lasted three years, through a lot of hardships and tragedy, and the reason we did was he was the man who rode at MY back. He was, essentially, a good wife. But ultimately, it was his very dependance that drove us apart. It was reflection on this that first made me realize, years back, that I was the Woman Beside. All my life, my best friends have been men, or other women who ride beside." Her eyes sparkle a moment, and she tosses her head. "Maybe there's an answer. But life is a koan, ultimately, isn't it? The answer is the one that is both and neither? The Third Way, as Zen puts it. I didn't mean to imply I have cut off options. But a lot of men have. I wonder if there's a correlation between this and the fact that most of my close friends are either men who regard me as "one of the guys" or lesbians who like men? A willingness to accept people simply as people, without automatic pigeon-holes? I always wondered how I was going to explain about Stephanie, my sword-sister, to Eric... There's a strange sensual attraction to vitality, a vitality that I've only seen matched in one other person, and that a fellow I met here in the Place." She laughs. "Maybe one of the reasons I read Green Arrow comics is because I am fascinated with the conflicts of two superheros trying to relate to each other in the boundings of a semi-conventional relationship. Toss in, also, one Woman Beside lover who is a better match for Ollie, ideologically, than his beloved Dinah. Stir with a mandrake root, and watch it get weird... But I'm rambling. Just wanted to clarify." ---Jilara the Exile <motcsd!fsdcupt!jane@apple.com> (I hope.) "If I'm not home accepting what I cannot change, I'm out changing what I can't accept." ---Ashleigh Brilliant (alternate identity may be jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.com---don't you love computers with identity crises?)