daq@hpfcso.HP.COM (Doug Quarnstrom) (01/17/90)
Cynic enters the bar. He is black, or more correctly, he is dressed in black, but an aura of blackness seems to hang in the air about him. He pulls a flask from his pocket an takes a hit of Southern Comfort. He has alway been sure that the comfort is in knowing that there are a few less brain cells to conspire to torment him tomorrow. "Take that," he thinks. He crosses to the bulletin board and leaves a note: To Jilara: I am glad to see that you did not belittle the women who ride behind in your posting. The world needs all kinds and those who ride behind serve an important role. It is not right or wrong, it just is. The people who ride beside also are important. They are not greater or lesser, they merely are. I ride alone. If you ride with someone behind you, then you always have someone at your back. People behind your back can get into mischief of all sorts. Their hands could be at your neck and you would not even know. People who ride beside might decide that they are leading and expect you to follow. It is far better to ride the paths alone, to feel the soilitude and the silence. You may occaisionally seek out the herd, or ride for a bit with a fellow traveller, but it is better to keep your options open in case you spot a vista that demands your attention, but does not capture that of your companion. As for soul mates, friends, etc, I agree that the women I have been closest to were not lovers. In fact the few women who I was close to and became my lovers, departed from me in bitterness and anger. My male friends are all slowly being sucked up and devoured by the evil disease of marraige. Marraige. I hate it. It steals your friends and makes them dead to you. No longer can you do the things you did. They are gone, and it is never the same. This soul mate nonsense is like a yearning for heaven. It is, perhaps, a nice idea, but it does not exist, and to wish for it is to waste your time pining for the impossible. Perhaps it is better to find the friends you can, get what you can from them, give what you must, and just be alive. Friends. They come and leave again. Spirits rise and fall. Emotions beckon from the dark. You heed the lonely call. Comforts soothe then fall away. Lovers. Silent. Stalk their prey. Rage expands. Compassions grow. It seems so new, But still I know I've seen it all before. It will never change or rearrange. I laugh. I sing. I scream. I cry. I'll do this till the day I die. Cynic
jason@hpcndm.CND.HP.COM (Jason Zions) (01/18/90)
As Jilara winds down her description of The Woman Beside, Jazz levers himself out of his chair and begins to walk slowly across the room. "That's a rather interesting metaphor; I haven't heard it put that way before. I could carp a bit about it being male-centered, but the societies most of us live our day-to-day lives in are male-centric, to my dismay. "You say you are a Woman Who Rides Beside:" I have my own quest, even as they. Because of that, I will probably never share someone's life, because I cannot surrender my own dreams for those of another. I know what society expects of women, and know I cannot meet that expectation. But I can share thoughts, and dreams, and keep people going, and offer insights into maintaining their relationships with the women in their lives. And maybe, ultimately, I am richer. "It appears to me that you place a constraint upon yourself. Just as there are women who choose to follow their own path, there are men who choose not to follow their own; instead, to ride ahead of or behind their woman. There may not be many of these today. I suspect that, as many women who see themselves as forced to ride behind chafe at their limits, there may be men who truly have little vision of their Path, or lack strength to blaze that Path they see; there may be men, in fact, who see their Path as riding behind their chosen companions, nurturing and caring for their partners in pursuit of a greater Path." By this point Jazz has crossed the room once and has returned to one side of the fireplace, leaning his backside against the wall, his upper body leaning forward, looking directly at Jilara. You sort of get the feeling that, when he is a bit wound up, tying his hands to his sides would render him speechless. "Could you ride with such a man? Would you accept one as a partner, accept the nurturing and care-taking he chooses to provide you with as you pursue your Path? If you can, if such behavior falls within the scope of what you desire, then there is a way in which you can share a life together. "From the way you speak, though, I would guess not. I don't remember who first said it, but the line comes to mind: ``Two people sharing a life? Seems to me like that's two people each living half a life.'' I personally agree with that; two individuals cannot share a single life." He shakes his head a little, straightens up and starts to walk slowly towards Jilara. "Just as, I suspect, you would not want a man to ride behind, and would rather he ride beside - do you not believe there are men looking for such a woman to ride beside? Each with a separate Vision, Destiny, Path; but each providing care, nurturing, strength, support, being" the ones who understand when they speak to us of the goals and dreams, mother-hen and mother-confessor, battle-comrade and companion of the road. "Yes, there must be common or parallel components to the Path, or riding beside is impossible. There must be compatibility in Vision, or realizing the Vision becomes impossible for one without blinding the other. These are not simple things, and it's probable that many partners who seem likely would cause conflict in the long run because of this." His voice grows more intent. Across two tables and ten feet, he locks eyes with Jilara. "But it is possible. Part of the task may be maintaining sufficient flexibility in outlook, in the eyes you use to enVision; permitting your partner and yourself to evolve, together, a more closely aligned pair of Visions, a more co-linear Path. "We only need a single eye to see; one source of information to give us vision. But that vision is flat, limited. A second eye, a second viewpoint, slightly different from the first, moved a little off to one side, perhaps of a different color or with differing faults, gives us true sight: solid, more intense, wider and farther in perception." Jazz pauses a few seconds, blinks, and starts to walk again. "I don't mean to imply that a Vision is necessarily limited because it is pursued by a single person, alone. But it is true that more hands make light work, when the task is shared; more eyes looking in the same direction increase the strength and clarity of the view. "Jilara, you remind us that ``[t]here are prices for everything.'' What I suggest is subject to that. It means trading in two horses for a set of Siamese twin horses, joined in such a way that they can be separated for a time and function adequately, but when together can run farther, faster, longer, than any two horses carrying two people together. Economies of scale, if you will." At that, a rather disgusted image crosses his face. "I think the Siamese Horse image is a good indication I've rambled on too long; I probably need to rein in my imagination, saddle myself for a bit; besides, it's 6:45 PM and time to put the feedbag on. "But think about it, Jilara; as much as you refuse to give up your dream, any partner worth having would be just as unwilling to give up his or hers. There is a way to keep both sets of dreams and yet still share lives." By this time Jazz has managed to find the corner of the room where his stuff was piled up. He snags his coat and shoulder bag, leaving a pair of saxophones (didn't he walk in with only one? Aw, never mind!) and a small stack of trade rags on the table. "I'm gonna take a walk over to that Chinese place about a mile and a half up the road - anyone wanna split some Garlic Chicken and Mo Shu Pork? Oh, yeah, Mike, can I bring you anything back..." Jazz
estokien@jarthur.Claremont.EDU (Eric Stokien) (01/19/90)
I can not agree that just because a woman has ambition and her own ideas, she can not be a companion to a man. It may be impossible in a college situation, when people are going to be going off to many different places and careers. But once a person is on their own and where they want to be, there will be others who may share the same dreams and interests in the area. Many men, myself included, want a woman with her own ideas and goals. I've never changed my path to follow a woman, and I'd never expect or even like a woman to follow me if it would be hurting her own ambitions. To put it terms of your metaphor, just because two people are on different horses, doesn't mean they can't hold hands. Relationships involve compromise, but that doesn't mean that they have to hold a person back, or be unwelcome, or even be non-mutual, relationships are simply sharing. A personal but not necessarily solo opinion from Eric Stokien Lover, Punster and Budding Astrophysicist
mandel@granite.cr.bull.com (Mark Mandel) (01/20/90)
In article <9060008@hpfcso.HP.COM> daq@hpfcso.HP.COM (Doug Quarnstrom) writes: >Cynic enters the bar. ... > >I ride alone. If you ride with someone behind you, then you >always have someone at your back. People behind your back >can get into mischief of all sorts. Their hands could be >at your neck and you would not even know. People who ride >beside might decide that they are leading and expect you >to follow. > > ... My male friends are all >slowly being sucked up and devoured by the evil disease >of marraige. Marraige. I hate it. It steals your >friends and makes them dead to you. No longer can you >do the things you did. They are gone, and it is never the >same. (Silverblack thoughtfully turns the braided gold ring on his left ring finger. On -- or just above -- the table in front of him, a feline grin slowly fades in and then out of visibility, seeming to emanate a warm glow.) I'm sorry you're so bitter about relationships and marriage. I have to guess you've been badly burned, perhaps by relationships other than your own (parents', perhaps; I'm not asking, just thinking aloud). He who has no one at his back has to have eyes in the back of his head to feel safe; and then, what when he must sleep? There IS no safety this side the grave. My lady and I don't expect 100% compatibility. (Also remember what Janelle said about compatibility; net timewarps being what they are, you may be reading this before you read her observations.) But being together, with its compromises, disagreements, and choices, is much, much better for both of us than being alone. We lean on each other. We enrich each other. Cynic, there are always choices to make, giving up some things to get others. The solo way is not the only way, and many of us find the road immeasurably more bearable, even *good*, with a companion. No toast this time. (Up to the bar.) Mike, a decaf coffee please, with milk. -- -- Mark Mandel (InterNet: Mandel@granite.cr.bull.com) /* My employer is not responsible for anything I say, do, think, or eat. */
davidsen@sixhub.UUCP (Wm E. Davidsen Jr) (01/20/90)
In article <1990Jan19.160031.19228@granite.cr.bull.com> mandel@granite.cr.bull.com (Mark Mandel) writes: | My lady and I don't expect 100% compatibility. (Also remember what | Janelle said about compatibility; net timewarps being what they are, | you may be reading this before you read her observations.) But being | together, with its compromises, disagreements, and choices, is much, | much better for both of us than being alone. We lean on each other. | We enrich each other. Amen. My wife and I have finally worked out how to live together with minimal friction and maximal enjoyment. We each have our own interests and pleasures, and while I take pleasure for her when she does well at something, and she takes pleasure in my successes, we each do things which don't involve the other. That leaves us time to do the things together which we both enjoy. Since we both pursue things which don't interest the other, neither of us is "dragged along" to activities we dislike. One less source of disagreement. Because our schedules only leave us a limited time to be physically together, we concentrate on finding things to do with that time, to make it "quality time." Finally, we compromise on things which are areas of disagreement. Neither of us tries to make the other into a different person (any more). This takes committment to making things work, to agreeing on a compromise and having both people abide with it instead of trying to renegotiate. This is the secret, because a compromise only works if you make it, live by it, and then stop fighting about it. -- bill davidsen - sysop *IX BBS and Public Access UNIX davidsen@sixhub.uucp ...!uunet!crdgw1!sixhub!davidsen "Getting old is bad, but it beats the hell out of the alternative" -anon
sterling@maxwell.physics.purdue.edu (Bruce S. Woodcock) (01/20/90)
Sir Sterling walks stiffly to the bar. He puts 2 on the bar. "A
Pink Lemonade for me, and whatever the lady wants," he says, pointing to
Jilara.
The paladin takes his drink to the line, sipping it slowly. He then
speaks.
"It is with great pain that I announce that I have decided to move on
from my current relationship. She just wants to be friends, and there`s
nothing I can do to change that. I still love her, I think always will if
it was true love, but all I can do now is be her friend and move on in the
search for new friends and lovers. If she changes her mind, she`ll let me
know."
"To the future," he toasts, "and whatever new propsects it brings."
<DRINK!>
*****CRASH*****
"Jilara, would you care do dance? I`m sure Fast Eddy can think of
something appropriate...."
-Sterling-