CCCAMPER@UMCVMB (01/12/90)
(wish it didn't take 8 to 10 hours for these to be distributed!) There is the one other problem with our discussions in that we are not face to face. (someone just mentioned this. Mike?) I write to my brother at Berkeley and he can say *anything* to me on Bitnet and I know Doug has a very warped, dry sense of humor and I *know* he loves me. So it would never occur to me to read anything offensive into one of his comments. Unless a remark is done in such a forward manner there is no mistaking a hostile tone we could all benefit by giving the author the benefit of the doubt. Very truthfully, Kurt's remark yesterday didn't phase me a bit. I also am quite sure that my comments back were taken as the simple explanation that was intended. What surprised me were how many other people were afraid that I was offended and wrote to make me feel better! I didn't feel badly anyway, and by the time I left work around noon I was nearly euphoric. What an unexpected outpouring of love!!!!! Unfortunately, I think there may be times when the emotional impact of list members is just as strong when it's negative. No matter *what* anyones purpose is, it is detestable to me to think that we hurt each other. It seems that making our first assumption of an author's tone to be kind could help a great deal. Our own efforts to hide malice behind kind words (as happens often) should be eliminated to simplify understanding. You might try being honest, ie, "I may have read this wrong but it makes me angry and hurt".... (the respectful way to deal with others, not "you are bad" but "you have done a bad thing") Thank you very much to all of you who sent such wonderful notes yesterday. But believe me, I'm not fragile. If I were they would have crushed me long before I ever made it to Christia! God is my strength. Ever-present and never failing. In His love and care, Elizabeth ( I still think we are all learning, even from the negative)