CCCAMPER@UMCVMB (02/02/90)
Zane, This is in reference to your post on divorce......As many of you know I have an "ex husband", and I have a *real* husband now. I am curious where you think this puts someone in my situation. God did not make the marriage to my ex-husband, and He did *not* join us together. The "ex" was an obsessive adulter and physically and mentally abusive. My *real* husband is a loving and gentle man who helps me be glad to be alive, not wish I were dead. God most *definitely* joined us together and has continued to bless us in the 3 years of our marriage. Divorce is horrible. But so is a living hell. It is impossible for me to believe that my God, who gave His son to die for *me* has not given Robert to me as a very special gift. Robert has helped bring back the parts of me that were lost. He has helped to bring warmth and love and joy to a heart that was numb. He has helped me to believe in myself and to learn to trust and to dare to love. Jesus was working on these things in my heart, but it wasn't until He gave Robert to me that they actually came to be. I stayed with my ex husband for many years, believing that if my son and I prayed hard enough and believed enough, that God would surely change him. I learned to humble myself and not ask where he was and what he was doing. Just to simply provide a home for him. In the end *he* was the one who physically threw me out. It took two times. But I couldn't go back anymore, I couldn't face that terror. The months that followed involved going into hiding for safety, threats on my life, attempts on my life on winding country roads, and pleas to "come back"... all the while he was living with someone else. If two reasonable Christian people are married and unhappy, they should go to every extreme possible to make that marriage work. But when you state that someone like myself should never be remarried, should never have a chance for warmth and companion- ship and the happiness that two loving people can share my own experience tells me that you are wrong. I made a mistake in marrying him, he is a pathological liar and I had no idea he was so different from the person I believed him to be. He is not a reasonable human being and will not seek real help for his problems, but he is expert at hiding them from others when he wishes. I 'turned the other cheek' many, many times. God has not asked me to live in loneliness because of a naive mistake. I know that He approves of my marriage to Robert. My problem with your letter on this topic is that it was exactly this kind of thought and misunderstanding that kept me in that marriage so long. Until it was almost *too* late. And it hurts me to think that there may be women out there who read it and feel bound by guilt and shame to stay in a situation such as mine until it is too late. Until they are dead, whether physically, mentally, or both. If anyone feels compelled to comment on this it is fine with me. Please just be careful in what you say because this is a very difficult topic and I may be strong, but I have my limits. Gratefully in His love and care, Elizabeth
U1A9A@WVNVM (Bernice Tennant) (02/03/90)
Elizabeth,
God Bless You!! I am so amazed that you are so happy and loving after what
you have been through. Your attitude and remorse over your past and desire to
do Gods will with love and good cheer are a testimony for God and I am sure he
loves you and blesses you. Remember Elizabeth, your husband committed adultry
and forced you to leave. If your remarriage was a sin, then it is a sin cause
d by him. We all sin and through Christ we are forgiven. Sometimes we are dr
iven to sin by other people. I am sure God understands. It is your heart he
is judging. I can tell you have a good heart and I am glad you have made me
face this situation and think about it. I hope this helps some.
Your friend in Christ, Bernice