GATLING@SUVM (Keith E Gatling) (02/05/90)
Actually, this is probably more of a reply to Eric's response to the first two.
Eric, it seems that what you are saying about the possibility of the
first marriage not really being a marriage at all is very close to
the Catholic understanding which gives us the concept of an annulment.
Which is to say that even though both parties said all the right words
and followed all the legal details, their hearts were not in it from
the start, and so it was not a sacramental marriage in the first place.
Certainly it was legal, as far as the state was concerned, there
is usually no question of that, and as such, it never jeopardizes the
"legitimacy" of any children. However, the understanding of the Cath-
olic church in marriages that it has decided "never existed" (see also
"annulled") is that they are merely setting asunder what *man* has put
together. Presumably God would've done a better job.
And in fact, this is the belief of many Christians (as in people
who would check that off as their religion on the census form), that
marriages are things that *man* has put together and we ask God to
bless; and that unless God has blessed it, he has not been the one to
put the two people together.
I would also like to mention that it is indeed possible for a
Christian who believes that divorce is never an option to use that
belief as an excuse for laziness, benign neglect, or even abuse in
the marriage. I read an article in a Christian (not merely census
form Christian) about a person who thought that way. He believed
that once he was married, since both he and his wife were Christians
who didn't believe in divorce, that he didn't have to do anything to
take care of the marriage, and that it would all take care of itself
simply on the basis that they were both Christians. When his wife
asked for a divorce after years of neglect on his part and a refusal
by him to admit that they might actually need to do some work on the
marriage on their own, instead of throwing all the responsibility for
its upkeep on God, he was rather surprised.
I seem to recall that that particular marriage did indeed end in
divorce, however I also seem to recall that he now does counseling of
other Christian couples to point out to them the mistakes that he made,
and especially to point out that even though you may be a Christian who
doesn't believe in divorce, you still need to take care of your marriage,
you can't take the other person for granted, and you can't say, "Okay
God, we're married and don't believe in divorce. You keep this thing
together."
If I could remember the name of the magazine, I'd give you the
citation. Unfortunately, it's something I read in the laundromat about
two years ago. However, I could take a trip to that laundromat and at
least check out the name of the magazine. It was something that someone
would leave there on a regular basis.
That's all for now.
keg