Greg.See-Kee@f631.n712.z3.fidonet.org (Greg See-Kee) (07/21/90)
Index Number: 9351
I notice that you don't seem to be using an OFF-LINE MESSAGER
yet. Try to locate a BBS with Qmail, Silver Xpress or even
OpusMessageKit. Ask further if you have more trouble.
AB> The trick for me now is to accept myself as I am. After a lot
AB> of years of being tough and always figuring out new ways to do
AB> things I am simply out of energy. It's time for me to do the
AB> grieving for what I've lost and figure out what is important
AB> and what is not so that I can cut out some more things I can no
AB> longer do.
I'm glad that you have recognised these as the essential &
unavoidable steps of the early stages of the Disability
Bereavement process. In the past months, I've described these
steps in outline - but had very little chance to go further.
AB> It all looks so cut and dried and mechanical when I put it down
AB> in words like this but it's all a boiling pit inside of me.
There are several stages of this "emotional exploration" that are
best done outside of this keyboarding. Several that I've tried
are:
1) Unposted "letters" (full of venom, anger, hostility, etc.)
2) Posted but heavily censored letters (only the Light & Bright
pleasantries of the full situation).
3) Writing several "inventories" of your personal assets (really
a very detailed resume or "curriculum vitae"). Can detail
this further if anyone is interested)
4) "Talking" to your pets & plants
5) Attempting to attend courses of study
6) Attempting mail order courses of study
7) Getting lots of nice junk mail sent to you.
8) Phoning one or several telephone counselling agencies
9) Trying to befriend others in worse (!) situations to yourself
10) Trying to talk on talk-back radio programs
11) Collecting & sorting real job advertisements
12) Writing job applications
13) Attending job interviews
14) Trying to return to work - paid or not, full- or part-time.
My own disability was probably the worse that you could ever wish
on anyone. My brain damage meant that I literally had to
RE-LEARN EVERYTHING: moving, sensing, communicating, "manners",
sleep & feed patterns, etc. From a coma, to total amnesia of 12
weeks, I've very slowly reached my real age from Day-One to 40
years. It took me five & a half years to do this re-growth.
AB> What seems most clear at this
AB> moment is that I have been living in a self-imposed isolation
AB> for a while, slipping deeper and deeper into single minded
AB> pursuit of some solitary hobbies.
Like being a teenager or child -- all over again. An essential
stage in the whole bereavement cycle.
AB> This seems like a place where I can start
AB> (in Abled) to do this.
I knew theoretically that there were BILLIONS of people before
me, who had already "graduated" from severe disability. As you
are finding out however, no-one has yet properly mapped out the
terrain.
This International Fidonet Conference is just one of the tools
for "Empowerment". I hope that you also explore the other tools
at your disposal.
... c:\dos\sign.lis
--
Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!3!712!631!Greg.See-Kee
Internet: Greg.See-Kee@f631.n712.z3.fidonet.orgAnn.Parsons@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.org (Ann Parsons) (07/25/90)
Index Number: 9498 Hi Adrienne and Greg, AB>> grieving for what I've lost and figure out what is important AB>> and what is not so that I can cut out some more things I can no AB>> longer do. As I said before, Adrienne, good searching to you. Keep it up! >"I'm glad that you have recognised these as the essential & >"unavoidable steps of the early stages of the Disability >"Bereavement process. In the past months, I've described these >"steps in outline - but had very little chance to go further. >" AB>> It all looks so cut and dried and mechanical when I put it down AB>> in words like this but it's all a boiling pit inside of me. The more you "put down" the less steam you'll have down there! >"There are several stages of this "emotional exploration" that are >"best done outside of this keyboarding. Several that I've tried >"are: >" >" 1) Unposted "letters" (full of venom, anger, hostility, etc.) Try a diary if letterws addressed to Occupant don't appeal. I got a great deal of emotional support from mine when I lost my boyfriend in 1988. >" 2) Posted but heavily censored letters (only the Light & Bright >" pleasantries of the full situation). Yep, you're right here, Old Curmudgeon. People, that is the run-of-the-mill people don't want to hear about your troubles. <grin> >" 3) Writing several "inventories" of your personal assets (really >" a very detailed resume or "curriculum vitae"). Can detail >" this further if anyone is interested) Interesting premise, I think you've got something here. >" 4) "Talking" to your pets & plants Yep, did you know that petting a cat or dog can actually lower your blood pressure? Talking to animals is great! I have a cat that will answer me with miaows. <grin> >" 5) Attempting to attend courses of study >" >" 6) Attempting mail order courses of study I think here I like the view of not trying to do anything but doing it. >" 7) Getting lots of nice junk mail sent to you. Yes, this can work too, but what the heck to do with all that paper? The poor driads! <grin> >" 8) Phoning one or several telephone counselling agencies >" >" 9) Trying to befriend others in worse (!) situations to yourself Again, don't try, do! >"10) Trying to talk on talk-back radio programs >" >"11) Collecting & sorting real job advertisements Good thought here, makes you look through the possibilities. There's a name for it, but I disremember it now. Something about vocational readiness. Some jargon names anyway. But the theory works. >"12) Writing job applications Gotta send 'em after you write 'em. >"13) Attending job interviews >" >"14) Trying to return to work - paid or not, full- or part-time. Yep, three cheers for volunteerism!!! And if you get back to work, you've gone through the woods. >"My own disability was probably the worse that you could ever wish >"on anyone. My brain damage meant that I literally had to >"RE-LEARN EVERYTHING: moving, sensing, communicating, "manners", >"sleep & feed patterns, etc. From a coma, to total amnesia of 12 >"weeks, I've very slowly reached my real age from Day-One to 40 >"years. It took me five & a half years to do this re-growth. >" AB>> What seems most clear at this AB>> moment is that I have been living in a self-imposed isolation AB>> for a while, slipping deeper and deeper into single minded AB>> pursuit of some solitary hobbies. Dangerous that. But you already know that, or you wouldn't be here, Adrienne. >"Like being a teenager or child -- all over again. An essential >"stage in the whole bereavement cycle. >" AB>> This seems like a place where I can start AB>> (in Abled) to do this. You're right there. >"I knew theoretically that there were BILLIONS of people before >"me, who had already "graduated" from severe disability. As you >"are finding out however, no-one has yet properly mapped out the >"terrain. That, my dear Old Curmudgeon, is cuz everybody's internal landscape is different. We are all individuals. You can't map out this terrain, you can only teach mappping skills to the explorer. <grin> >"This International Fidonet Conference is just one of the tools >"for "Empowerment". I hope that you also explore the other tools >"at your disposal. >" >" >"... c:\dos\sign.lis >"--- Via Silver Xpress V2.27 Well, Old Curmudgeon, that's a new signature, I kinda like it, sort of spacy, but it's a signature. <grin> Ann P. -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!260!204!Ann.Parsons Internet: Ann.Parsons@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.org