Guy.Fisher@f539.n157.z1.fidonet.org (Guy Fisher) (07/28/90)
Index Number: 9579 [This is from the Spinal Injury Conference] > I've been doing GREAT. I've been having a wonderful love affair, > complete with GREAT SEX and romantic nights ... I hate being a quad but I > love life, especially right now. Jack -- This is a rather personal topic, I know, so feel free to tell me to get lost ... However, this is probably one of the most stressful aspects of becoming a quadriplegic (at least for me, and I am willing to bet for many others, too!), that is the prospect of romantic, intimate, and especially sexual relationships. There is very little information about not only the physical aspects of a sexual relationship, but perhaps more importantly the emotional processes involved in establishing one. I am dating a girl now, and believe that eventually these issues will arise (so to speak). I think I am fairly prepared to deal with them (we communicate very well), but there are still many fears and apprehensions. It would really help if you might comment on some of the fears both you and your partner faced, and some of the processes you went through in overcoming them. Certainly no "details" are necessary (unless you feel they are appropriate), and you may feel free to reply by NetMail (fido 1:157/539). Again I will certainly understand if you choose not to elaborate on this very personal subject. Regardless, I must say that I am very happy you are enjoying your life. I hope it continues to go well. Thanks, -- Guy M. Fisher -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!157!539!Guy.Fisher Internet: Guy.Fisher@f539.n157.z1.fidonet.org
Joe.Chamberlain@f140.n150.z1.fidonet.org (Joe Chamberlain) (08/09/90)
Index Number: 9620
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
GF> This is a rather personal topic, I know, so feel free to tell me to
GF> get lost However, this is probably one of the most stressful aspects
GF> of becoming a quadriplegic (at least for me, and I am willing to bet
GF> many others, too!), that is the prospect of romantic, intimate, and
GF> especially sexual relationships. There is very little information
GF> not only the physical aspects of a sexual relationship, but perhaps
GF> importantly the emotional processes involved in establishing one.
The first time I kissed a girl I wondered if I was doing
it right. I was scared I had bad breath. I didn't know which
way to tilt my head so we didn't bump noses. I was 11. I had the
same thoughts several years later when I engaged in my first
sexual experience. Plus, I was afraid of getting her pregrant
or hurting her.
After I broke my neck things were ever worse. Insecurity
is the biggest problem. Is she gonna be turned off by my
wheelchair, by my crippled hands, my urinary applance, or
whatever. Can she accept me as a lover who cannot perform as
normal men perform.
You begin to wonder why she wants you. Why not the other
guy walking around. Will she regret her decision later. Why?
Then somewhere you meet the right girl and everything
just seems right. You still have all the questions and
insecurities, but they are secondary. You wonder but you explore
and find mutual satisfaction. She likes being on top. You like
sucking her kneecap. You giggle, laugh, love, make dirty jokes,
and generally fall in love. You have those secret little
meanings to everything, that no one else shares.
When that happens enjoy it. If it lasts forever, then
you are very lucky indeed. If it lasts for several years, then
you are still very lucky.
Enjoy.
-=joe=-
--
Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!150!140!Joe.Chamberlain
Internet: Joe.Chamberlain@f140.n150.z1.fidonet.orgJean.Prophet@f33.n371.z1.fidonet.org (Jean Prophet) (08/10/90)
Index Number: 9665 [This is from the Spinal Injury Conference] > Then somewhere you meet the right girl and everything > just seems right. You still have all the questions and > insecurities, but they are secondary. You wonder but you explore > and find mutual satisfaction. She likes being on top. You like > sucking her kneecap. You giggle, laugh, love, make dirty jokes, > and generally fall in love. You have those secret little > meanings to everything, that no one else shares. > > When that happens enjoy it. If it lasts forever, then > you are very lucky indeed. If it lasts for several years, then > you are still very lucky. I didn't quote it all, Joe, but your message was GREAT !! It doesn't MATTER what will or won't happen when you love someone. It's the closeness that counts. Buddy and I have been married 15 years - of that time, he's been injured 11 years .... I don't think the times BEFORE his accident were any better than the times we have had SINCE his accident .... The WORST part was when HE was afraid to try (and I'm sure that all of you have gone through that). I'm not sure if his problem was that he was afraid of disapointing ME, disapointing HIM, hurting himself, or a combination of all three, but it took me a long time to convince him that it didn't matter if anything happened or not .... I just wanted to be close. Well, it's GREAT when it does, doesn't matter when it doesn't and I love him just as much now as 15 years ago (well, it's ALMOST 16 years now). I didn't mean to butt in, but I felt there needed to be something said from the OTHER side <grin>. Jean -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!371!33!Jean.Prophet Internet: Jean.Prophet@f33.n371.z1.fidonet.org
Frank.Whitney@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.org (Frank Whitney) (08/10/90)
Index Number: 9667 [This is from the Spinal Injury Conference] > When that happens enjoy it. If it lasts forever, then >you are very lucky indeed. If it lasts for several years, then >you are still very lucky. I couldn't agree with you more! I know that in all of my experiences that it was well worth the risk. Since my accident I've had two serious long term relationships. The first was for 10 years with my old girlfriend and the second is with my wife. If I'd been more understanding I'd probably still be with the first. At least I learned from the experience and we're doing better for it. Frank -- Via Opus Msg Kit v1.01 -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!261!1000!Frank.Whitney Internet: Frank.Whitney@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.org