Adrienne.Barhydt@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Adrienne Barhydt) (07/19/90)
Index Number: 9297 > You won't be alone, and there are lots of us who can be with > you during your trials. You don't have to do anything, or be > anything except yourself. We care for you just as you are, without > conditions. You make a difference to us. The trick for me now is to accept myself as I am. After a lot of years of being tough and always figuring out new ways to do things I am simply out of energy. It's time for me to do the grieving for what I've lost and figure out what is important and what is not so that I can cut out some more things I can no longer do. It all looks so cut and dried and mechanical when I put it down in words like this but it's all a boiling pit inside of me. It occurred to me sometime the middle of last night that I need to take a look at absolutely everything in the context of my deep down most cherished values. Wow - what a sobering thought. Typing out these words that have only existed in my head before is thoroughly freaking me out! What seems most clear at this moment is that I have been living in a self-imposed isolation for a while, slipping deeper and deeper into single minded pursuit of some solitary hobbies. I need to change this. I want to change this. This seems like a place where I can start (in Abled) to do this. I need your help. -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!105!14.0!Adrienne.Barhydt Internet: Adrienne.Barhydt@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.org
Adrienne.Barhydt@f778.n115.z1.fidonet.org (Adrienne Barhydt) (08/10/90)
Index Number: 9683 > I do lots of things in time and energy saving ways that have >become habit for me and I just cringe when I see someone making >5 or 6 trips when they could do it in only 2. I am envious and amazed when I see that. I find that I'm losing the knowledge of what's hard and what's easy for able-bodied people. My husband has started doing most of the cooking in the last few weeks and he dashes around the kitchen after a full day's work and fixes things in 15 or 20 minutes that were taking me an hour and a half or more and it's hard for me to believe it's possible even though I used to be able to do it too. And at the same time it's hard for me to believe that it takes me an hour and a half. It's very unreal at times. Like I can't believe either the old reality or the new. This extends to asking people to do things for me. I know how hard it is for me to do so I think I'm asking for some huge favor when it's just a trivial nothing. I guess more realistically my fear is how many trivial nothings can I ask for before I've asked for too much. -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!115!778!Adrienne.Barhydt Internet: Adrienne.Barhydt@f778.n115.z1.fidonet.org