[misc.handicap] Changes

Adrienne.Barhydt@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Adrienne Barhydt) (07/19/90)

Index Number: 9297

>  You won't be alone, and  there are lots of us who can be with 
> you during your trials.  You don't have to do anything, or be 
> anything except yourself.  We care for you just as you are, without 
> conditions.  You make a difference to us. 
 
The trick for me now is to accept myself as I am.  After a lot of 
years of being tough and always figuring out new ways to do things 
I am simply out of energy.  It's time for me to do the grieving for 
what I've lost and figure out what is important and what is not so 
that I can cut out some more things I can no longer do.
 
It all looks so cut and dried and mechanical when I put it down in 
words like this but it's all a boiling pit inside of me.  It 
occurred to me sometime the middle of last night that I need to 
take a look at absolutely everything in the context of my deep down 
most cherished values.  Wow - what a sobering thought.  Typing out 
these words that have only existed in my head before is thoroughly 
freaking me out!  What seems most clear at this moment is that I 
have been living in a self-imposed isolation for a while, slipping 
deeper and deeper into single minded pursuit of some solitary 
hobbies.  I need to change this.  I want to change this.  This 
seems like a place where I can start (in Abled) to do this.  I need 
your help. 

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Adrienne.Barhydt@f778.n115.z1.fidonet.org (Adrienne Barhydt) (08/10/90)

Index Number: 9683

> I do lots of things in time and energy saving ways that have 
>become habit for me and I just cringe when I see someone making  
>5 or 6 trips when they could do it in only 2. 
 
I am envious and amazed when I see that.  I find that I'm losing 
the knowledge of what's hard and what's easy for able-bodied 
people.  My husband has started doing most of the cooking in the 
last few weeks and he dashes around the kitchen after a full day's 
work and fixes things in 15 or 20 minutes that were taking me an 
hour and a half or more and it's hard for me to believe it's 
possible even though I used to be able to do it too.  And at the 
same time it's hard for me to believe that it takes me an hour and 
a half.  It's very unreal at times.  Like I can't believe either 
the old reality or the new.
 
This extends to asking people to do things for me.  I know how hard 
it is for me to do so I think I'm asking for some huge favor when 
it's just a trivial nothing.  I guess more realistically my fear is 
how many trivial nothings can I ask for before I've asked for too 
much.   
 

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