Nadine.Thomas@p59.f1.n360.z1.fidonet.org (Nadine Thomas) (08/21/90)
Index Number: 9899
In a message to Nadine Thomas <13 Aug 90 11:26:00> Adrienne Barhydt wrote:
AB> Well said! I have been struggling with this idea for several years
AB> now. I could not see that every day I was pushing myself to my
AB> absolute limit. I can see that now. I am learning that I must do
AB> as you say and do - "in order for me to survive day to day my
AB> disabilities have to be formost and upfront". But what a battle
AB> that is! It is clearly not how our culture teaches us to live our
AB> lives.
The paradox is that if we respect our disability and do LESS then
we will be able to do MORE. Our culture teaches us to ignore our
body messages and push on etc. because perfection is pushed in our
society - in advertising etc. To look at our "weaknesses" is taboo
and to accept less than perfection is a sin and unheard of!
Had a little girl about 3 1/2 or 4 climb up on the seat next to me
at the docs office today. She looked at me and I smiled at her she
figured I was okay and smiled back then asked me what that was on
my arm and hand and I told her it was a special brace cause I had a
boo boo and I showed her my scar. I told her it made my arm feel
better. She smiled again, satisfied, and got off the chair and
went back to her mommy. In a couple of years she will be
indoctrinated enough that she will not dare to be so spontaneous
and may even pretend I don't exist - because I am not perfect.
AB> And I want to be sure that you know that you are successful at
AB> helping others. I know because I am one
AB> that you have helped.
Thank you.
Actually, we help each other. It is wonderful to have a give and take
and not all give or not all take.
AB> I still wonder if there isn't a way to reach a point of such
AB> complete self acceptance that my limitations will move from the
AB> foreground of my mind into the background and I'll be freer to
AB> procede with my life. I haven't quite said what I mean here, let
AB> me try again. I know that my disabilities are real, my
AB> limitations are real, there is no going back to my former life.
AB> Reality is now. Maybe what I am looking for is this - will there
AB> come a time when living within the limitations becomes routine?
AB> Ha! I'll answer that myself - it's clearly yes and no. This is
AB> shaping up into a bunch of thinking out loud. I'm still not
AB> certain I've pinned down the question I mean to ask so I think
AB> I'll just let it continue to percolate in my mind.
You got the answer correct. yes and no. We go through the grief
cycle the same as people do when someone dies but we go through it
many times because there is no end till we are dead or a cure of
some sort. So, yes, we do have acceptance at times and if we go
into a flare or whatever (spasms etc.) we start the grief cycle
again. Each time I go into a flare I am left a bit worse then
before the flare so I have to go through the cycle again and when I
get to acceptance and I start a flare again it starts all over
again. The grief cycle is the hardest for us to get used to and
even harder for significant others and family to understand and get
used to.
AB> I don't have pain to keep my disabilities in mind all the time.
AB> I have leg spasms much of the time and fatigue from as little
AB> exertion as using my left hand to type which make it next to
AB> impossible not to be aware of the disabilities. At times the
AB> spasms get so crazy that all I can do is play computer games that
AB> require my full attention but no thought - just reflexes. It is
AB> hard to convince myself that this is okay to do.
That is the same as pain in that it is not something you can forget
as your leg is bouncing and twitching etc. Pretty difficult to
ignore (grin). What would you tell someone else who came to you
and said they were having difficulty allowing themselves to just
play computer games when the spasms and fatigue are so much they
can do nothing else? I thought so. Now, allow yourself the same
break you would give that other person. Think of this - inside
each of us is an inner child (us) who needs to be nurtured and
loved. Would you tell that little child she couldn't play? She
needs to once in a while so go ahead, let her - and while you are
at it play games with her and enjoy yourself too (grin).
AB> The points you make are excellent, Nadine. They give me a
AB> lot to think about. Thanks!
Thank you.
Nadine
--
Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!360!1.59!Nadine.Thomas
Internet: Nadine.Thomas@p59.f1.n360.z1.fidonet.orgcas@mtdcb.att.com (Clifford A Stevens, Jr) (08/28/90)
Index Number: 9999 In article <13604@bunker.UUCP>, Nadine.Thomas@p59.f1.n360.z1.fidonet.org (Nadine Thomas) writes: NT> Index Number: 9899 NT> NT> In a message to Nadine Thomas <13 Aug 90 11:26:00> Adrienne Barhydt wrote: NT> NT> AB> Well said! I have been struggling with this idea for several years NT> AB> now. I could not see that every day I was pushing myself to my NT> AB> absolute limit. I can see that now. I am learning that I must do NT> AB> as you say and do - "in order for me to survive day to day my NT> AB> disabilities have to be formost and upfront". But what a battle NT> AB> that is! It is clearly not how our culture teaches us to live our NT> AB> lives. NT> NT> The paradox is that if we respect our disability and do LESS then NT> we will be able to do MORE. Our culture teaches us to ignore our NT> body messages and push on etc. because perfection is pushed in our NT> society - in advertising etc. To look at our "weaknesses" is taboo NT> and to accept less than perfection is a sin and unheard of! NT> NT> Had a little girl about 3 1/2 or 4 climb up on the seat next to me NT> at the docs office today. She looked at me and I smiled at her she NT> figured I was okay and smiled back then asked me what that was on NT> my arm and hand and I told her it was a special brace cause I had a NT> boo boo and I showed her my scar. I told her it made my arm feel NT> better. She smiled again, satisfied, and got off the chair and NT> went back to her mommy. In a couple of years she will be NT> indoctrinated enough that she will not dare to be so spontaneous NT> and may even pretend I don't exist - because I am not perfect. But then did the childs mother smack her and say, "Don't bother the poor cripple!"? Unfortunately, I've seen that before! Kids are great, innocent and curious! But parents think being handicapped is contagious! ------------ Militant Handicapped Survivor! Cliff Stevens MT1E228 att!cbnewsj!ncas (908)671-7292
era@ncar.ucar.edu (Ed Arnold) (09/03/90)
Index Number: 10026 In article <13715@bunker.UUCP> cas@mtdcb.att.com (Clifford A Stevens, Jr) writes: |But then did the childs mother smack her and say, "Don't bother the poor |cripple!"? Unfortunately, I've seen that before! Kids are great, innocent |and curious! But parents think being handicapped is contagious! Gee, Cliff! Are you really as exciting a person as you seem to be?! Or did you just move your splat key to where the dot used to be?!! :-) -- Ed Arnold * NCAR * POB 3000, Boulder, CO 80307-3000 * 303-497-1253(voice) 303-497-1137(fax) * era@ncar.ucar.edu [128.117.64.4] * era@ncario.BITNET era@ncar.UUCP * Edward.Arnold@f809.n104.z1.FIDONET.ORG
cas@mtdcb.att.com (Clifford A Stevens, Jr) (09/04/90)
Index Number: 10056 In article <13763@bunker.UUCP>, era@ncar.ucar.edu (Ed Arnold) writes: | Index Number: 10026 | | > article <13715@bunker.UUCP> cas@mtdcb.att.com (Clifford A Stevens, Jr) writes: | > But then did the childs mother smack her and say, "Don't bother the poor | > cripple!"? Unfortunately, I've seen that before! Kids are great, innocent | > and curious! But parents think being handicapped is contagious! | | Gee, Cliff! Are you really as exciting a person as you seem to be?! | Or did you just move your splat key to where the dot used to be?!! :-) Ok, so I get excited. This has been commented on before, but I think my use of *EMPHASIS* is a bigger problem! And it's not splat, but bang! ------------ Militant Survivor! Cliff Stevens MT1E228 att!cbnewsj!ncas (908)671-7292