storer@hercules.csl.sri.com (Martin Storer) (08/14/90)
Index Number: 9797
I have a handicapped friend who had the following experience:
He contacted a dating service in the Buffalo, NY area. They
had three prerequisites for "membership" or whatever their term
was: (1) must have access to "your own transportation"; (2) must
have telephone; (3) must have full-time job. Dave has a full-time job but
can't drive and probably won't ever be able to, so they denied
him access to their services.
They told him these rules were in effect to enable them to back
up their guarantee of x number of introductions per month. (I don't
see how the full-time-job rule relates to that...)
It's clear that that's only part of the story. Yes, those rules will
help insure that they can deliver what they promise, but they also
have the effect of excluding many disabled people and other
"undesirables" such as unemployed people, phone-less recluses, etc.
I see no reason why they can't bend their rules in Dave's case, maybe
guaranteeing fewer introductions since he doesn't drive.
So--has anyone had any similar experiences? What should Dave do about
such blatant discrimination? Do any ADA provisions protect people in
his situation? Responses eagerly awaited.
Thanks,
Marty
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Reply to: ...!{watmath,boulder,rutgers}!acsu.buffalo.edu!planck!storer%hercules
Disclaimer: I speak for all right-thinking folk.Robert.Bowes5th@f5.n382.z1.fidonet.org (Robert Bowes5th) (08/21/90)
Index Number: 9930
Martin,
I have Epilepsy & have had a similar experience with a dating
service down here. What you should do is tell them he has a full-time
job & everything & then bring up the recently passed ADA act & see what
they say. I was called again recently by this dating service & they
asked me to come see their place & I told them I would need a ride home
at night & the girl that I was talking to said it could probably be
arranged. Also I told her how they said it sounded like I was what fit
for their atmosphere she said "How mean of them to be like that" so you
never know. Try it & let me know what they say. Good luck!
Robert Bowes 5th
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Internet: Robert.Bowes5th@f5.n382.z1.fidonet.orgMark.Foley@p0.f430.n711.z3.fidonet.org (Mark Foley) (08/21/90)
Index Number: 9933
How bloody stingy! If it is a commercial service, with genuine
offer, I think you would be able to file for descrimination. If
it is a free service, I think they can pretty well restrict the
service to people with blonde hair if they want!
I'm no lawyer though, so take what I have said with a
sizeable grain of salt.
Mark
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Internet: Mark.Foley@p0.f430.n711.z3.fidonet.orgJoe.Chamberlain@f140.n150.z1.fidonet.org (Joe Chamberlain) (08/25/90)
Index Number: 9971
MF> How bloody stingy! If it is a commercial service, with genuine
MF> offer, I think you would be able to file for descrimination. If
MF> it is a free service, I think they can pretty well restrict the
MF> service to people with blonde hair if they want!
MF>
MF> I'm no lawyer though, so take what I have said with a
MF> sizeable grain of salt.
This must be my day for saying "get real please."
The average dating service cannot gaurantee to provide a
date for any handicapped individual. 99.9% of the dating
population is seeking a "Tom Cruise" or "Vanna White". They are
not seeking people in wheelchairs, on crutches, deaf, blind, or
spastic.
If you want a date then YOU need to go looking. Ask the
girl at school, work, or at the pizza parlor. Get YOURSELF out
so that YOU can met people.
It is YOUR responsibility to get a date. If you want
someone else to get you one, then hire a pimp--he can gaurantee
delivery.
-=joe=-
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Internet: Joe.Chamberlain@f140.n150.z1.fidonet.orgVixen@f11.n203.z1.fidonet.org (Vixen) (08/28/90)
Index Number: 10014
Hi Joe,
I want to echo your statement regarding your comment that one would
be better off seeking a date from people they know from school,
churches, clubs, organizations and et cetera!
If you will allow me to be egotistical sounding (to further make a
point). I am in very good shape, with lots of big blonde hair,
hazel eyes, considered quite attractive, have a good sense of
humour and love being active and taking part in life, and my
physical appearence and demeanor belie my age by quite a good many
years.
I have no great problems with being approached for dates and that
includes both abled and disABLED males despite my obvious
disabilities (of course there are those exceptions) and I have
turned down my share of interested men.
Now the point is, "that" is in the real world! The world where
people actually see me, the world that I make it a point to be in
and be seen in. The world where I have long ago stopped being a
wall flower and learned to become socially interactive. Anyone who
knows your Vixen, can tell you, that men like her and many (in the
real world) can get past my disabilities.
Now, in the world of the dating service, forget it. What will be
seen primarily is that I am a "BLIND, HEARING IMPAIRED women with
RESPIRATORY PROBLEMS and some other health problems as well
(Capitols intended to make a point!) The fact that I am a lively,
fun and intelligent, very attractive woman, will fall in the
background! I would bet that the odds would favour, those
disabilities will eliminate any interest and investigation of me by
those utilizing the same dating service.
I suspect that any dating service saying or implying that can give
the disABLED person any kind of guarantee for a good or number of
successful matchups, is stretching things and their intent (if a
commercial ventureZ) is to get your money.
I think we, as disABLED people, sometimes forget, that
realtionships and dating doesn't always come that easy for the TABS
either! And the reality is, many folks do have a hard time with us
and it requires us to have enough confidence to get out in the
world when we can and to involve ourselves with people in social
settings.
If we cannot see past our own disabilities, how then can we believe
that others can and therefore, we are defeated before we begin!
I would also add, that it is not necessary to be a physical beauty
to find that some people out there in the world can find a us
attractive. But one thing for sure, such things will not fall in
our laps from the sky and it is up to us to initiate the momentum!
Keepin' the faith!
. Vixen
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Internet: Vixen@f11.n203.z1.fidonet.orgstorer@cse.ogi.edu (Martin Storer) (09/03/90)
Index Number: 10034 In article <13687@bunker.UUCP> Joe.Chamberlain@f140.n150.z1.fidonet.org writes: [deleted: another poster's statement that you can probably sue for discrimination a dating service refusing to serve a disabled person] > This must be my day for saying "get real please." > > The average dating service cannot gaurantee to provide a >date for any handicapped individual. 99.9% of the dating >population is seeking a "Tom Cruise" or "Vanna White". They are >not seeking people in wheelchairs, on crutches, deaf, blind, or >spastic. I think it must be hard to find a "Tom Cruise" or a "Vanna White" through a dating service. But who says a dating service has to guarantee anything? I'm sure many handicapped people would be willing to take a chance with a dating service as long as the service made an honest effort to serve them: put their vital stats in their database, circulated them as much as anyone else's, etc. The "service" in question refused to do even that, without a guarantee. > > If you want a date then YOU need to go looking. Ask the >girl at school, work, or at the pizza parlor. Get YOURSELF out >so that YOU can met people. The friend on whose behalf I originally started this thread has done that for years, without much success as far as dates go. > > It is YOUR responsibility to get a date. If you want >someone else to get you one, then hire a pimp--he can gaurantee >delivery. It is YOUR responsibility to get a date, with or without the help of a dating service. A friend of mine met his wife through a dating service--who the hell cares how you meet someone if you end up becoming friends or lovers? "Hire a pimp," indeed. Hire a brain. Marty -- Reply to: ...!{watmath,boulder,rutgers}!acsu.buffalo.edu!planck!storer%hercules Disclaimer: I speak for all right-thinking folk.
Donna.Siren@p2.f8.n396.z1.fidonet.org (Donna Siren) (09/05/90)
Index Number: 10113
RR> abled? Then try PEOPLENET. We do it better. Yes, people
RR> who meet in PEOPLENET do marry. PEOPLENET is an inter-
RR> national personals/networking print newsletter by &
RR> for disabled men & woman who'd like to meet other in-
RR> teresting men or women. Nondisabled can subscribe. A
RR> few have. Each issue contains the 30-word personal or
RR> networking ads of our subscribers, included free with
RR> each subscription.
This sounds really nice, but what would be even nicer would be to have it on
cassette. This way, a person could put his/her address, interest, etc. in
his/her own voice and maybe tell a little about him/herself. But if this
isn't possible, what about putting it in to braille? You said that it's for
the disabled and that includes the visually impaired.
Donna
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Internet: Donna.Siren@p2.f8.n396.z1.fidonet.orgKraig.Cummings@f34.n129.z1.fidonet.org (Kraig Cummings) (09/05/90)
Index Number: 10116
I couldn't agree more about us ABLED types getting off our rears
(when possible) and mixing socially with ALL types of people.
After someone gets to know YOU they generally don't see the
disability they see you as the real pwerson you are, not a
handicapped individual.
Yes, I have met many people who couldn't handle my
disabilities(paralyzed on the left side and 3rd degree burn scars
over 42% of my body). But I've always figured that was there
problem. I can't change that. Those people that I have dated like
me for the person that I am and not because I'm Tom Cruise.
It's easy to get discouraged and become withdrawn or mix only with
other ABLED types because we feel more secure in that type of
environment. All I can say is tough it out. I honestly believe
that for each one of us there are many people in this world that we
can have excellent personal relationships with. You may not find
MR/S. right tomorrow but you certyainly won't if you stop trying.
# Origin: Little Big Horn BBS -- (404) 351-9757 (8:7301/204)
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