Adrienne.Barhydt@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Adrienne Barhydt) (09/05/90)
Index Number: 10092 > I said that I am feeling kind of down. I'm not sure why >exactly, but I think it's because I see no end in sight to >all of this. I'm soooooo tired of all the IV's, meds, >doctors, nurses etc. I don't feel well and I tired of that >too. This really hits home with me. The details are different but I reached the point where I felt like I couldn't take it any more. I believe that what you say about being down because you see no end in sight is true; I know that a large part of the problem for me was not so much "now" alone, but "now" in the context of not seeing any end to it all. I've been going for some counseling since earlier this summer. One of my outstanding issues is to learn not to take each new symptom, i.e. problem, and mentally follow it through getting worse and worse and worse. Even if my reasoning is correct it does me no good to go through it. My focus needs to be on what is happening NOW. If I look back I can see that whatever has come up, I have been able to deal with it. I am dealing with what is happening now. But for the stretch of time that I wasn't successfully dealing with what was happening right then, it was in part because my focus was on what seemed likely to happen in the future. >I t's like admitting that I can't handle this alone. I feel >weak. I'll tell him when he gets home, I'm scared but he's >always been so suportive that I'm sure he will understand >this. You *are* handling this, and, I believe, in just the right way. You have recognized something that may be growing into a problem and you figured out the right person to ask for help (a referral) and now you're prepared to follow up on that referral. You are doing GREAT. This is something different for you so it's not surprising that it is scarey. Nobody can do it all alone. I guess that's part of why we are all here in Abled. The posts I've read from you tell me that you are strong. But even if you are strong sometimes things just get to be too much. That is certainly how it goes for me. Good Luck!!!! Take it easy....but take it! Adrienne -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!105!14.0!Adrienne.Barhydt Internet: Adrienne.Barhydt@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.org
Rusty.Ferguson@p2.f13.n123.z1.fidonet.org (Rusty Ferguson) (09/27/90)
Index Number: 10651
AW>I dont' understand what she meant by saying you knew to much
AW>about labels. Did she mean that you know some things, but not
AW>enough? I wonder why she didn't tell you what you couldn't
AW>remember. How often do you go? I really hope this helps
Yes she meant I know too much but not enough.
I have been in the hospital for the last week and a half. I finally just
couldn't take it any more and had a complete nervous breakdown. Doc said it
is partially physical partly not, I would agree with. I ask the psy. today
if was manic depressive. He said he didn't know yet. Talking about labels!
I have defiantly seen some scary things while in the hospital. I mean just
real people with severe mental disorders, often they are extremely
intelligent and\or talented but will never be taken seriously because of
their problems.
I'm on a pass today, will be out again tomorrow. I expect another week in
the hospital before I begin the road back to my normal life again.
AW>days after I went I was back to my old self. I thinks that's
AW>good < yuk, yuk >. I don't like to think about how I felt
That can be a scary thought. >grin<
AW>all behind me know and I'd just as soon forget about it. Did
AW>the mail I send you help at all? It had some pretty good
I'll have to go see if it is there. It was not a week and a half ago.
AW>emotional problems. Is it the Lupus itself that causes them
AW>or is it having to deal with the disease that causes them?
Lupus itself causes physical emotional problems. There is some word that
starts with a "c" I think that will sometimes show up in a cat scan but only
when the die is used or vasculities (which I do have) can cause psychosis.
However, I am still responding to the environment, my outburst of rage
occurs when someone does something I don't like. But my reaction is a gross
over re-action. On the last explosion, I bit down so hard that I made my
gums bleed. I don't care what happens to me at that point. I guess for a
short moment I am insane. I quickly forget details of what happened once it
is over. I think the lupus is just severe enough that I could no longer
cope with everyday stressors. While in the hospital, I have had two
occasions where I felt this rage, yet there was no reason for it. There was
no stress, nothing had upset me, but I wanted to explode. I didn't!
However, this tells me that this rage is within me. The next time I feel
like exploding I have to remember that the person that I think is causing
the reaction is not. That they just added to it. There is something inside
causing me to feel that way, it is not anyone and with that I hope to stay
in control. The docs seem to think that with this I have found a means to
cope. I think they are right. I sure hope so.
AW>can that be controlled by anti-inflammatory drugs like asprin
AW>or prednisone etc? I keep you and Patricia in my prayers
Prednisone can cause a psychosis. I don't know how it is controlled. I
expect as long as I can control it at all the preferred approach is a
re-learning of coping methods. I guess once I can't, then it will be time
for a more aggressive medical approach. Only time will tell.
AW>things settle down for you soon, you deserve a break.
They have but what a way to get there. >grin< Thanks for the concern.
--
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