Linda.Iverson@f10.n130.z1.fidonet.org (Linda Iverson) (09/20/90)
Index Number: 10543
Hi, Aaron!
I saw your message and thought I'd join in this thread. I am a totally
blind, single parent. After ten years of marriage, my husband just
came home about two years ago and said he was filing for divorce.
He had become involved with a woman who had five children with three
different fathers. They had their baby five weeks after we signed
the divorce papers. Divorce is against everything I believe in. I
happen to be a strong Christian--rather old-fashioned; I believe you
get married first and then have your children. The divorce took about
a year to complete. I had a very good support group of friends and
my pastor. I moved back to my native state of Texas about a year ago
and am in the process of beginning my own word processing and braille
translating company. I feel my child comes first. I have a ten-year-old
son named Jonathan.
I still believe in family, the sanctity of marriage and that people
with disabilities can be married. Don't let people who are not you
and do not live your disability make a judgment as to whether you can
get married. I went to a wonderful support group for displaced homemakers
and have come to realize I'm not an old shoe that was thrown out.
You know what they say--one man's trash is another man's treasure.
I knew I had to feel good about myself in order to survive and be
a good mom to my little guy. I think disabilities can make us stronger
if we let them. Don't be afraid to get involved in community activities.
If you attend a church or synagogue be upfront about what you can't
do but also what you can do. Maybe you don't have as much money as
some, but money only makes life easier; it doesn't bring happiness.
I have read THE MAKING OF BLIND MEN, incidentally. I thought it a
very interesting book. Do you recall the author? I'd like to read
it again.
Good luck and take care! Oh, yes, you're probably wondering if my
ex-husband is blind, too. Yes, he is and his new wife is sighted.
But adultery would have hurt just as much had I been able to see.
Have a great weekend!
Linda Iverson
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!130!10!Linda.Iverson
Internet: Linda.Iverson@f10.n130.z1.fidonet.orgAaron.Feldman@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.org (Aaron Feldman) (09/21/90)
Index Number: 10564
Hello Linda,
Robert A. Scott is the author of that book. I am sorry to hear that you
have had such a rough time. I think these times make us more
understanding of others if they don't serve to kill off our finer
instinsts first. We are like the tender springtime especially when we
are young are limbs are so fragile and vulnerable. I guess with each
increase in age I somehow feel stronger, although I grieve the loss of
my vulnerability in my youth. Anyway, to explain a little more I belong
to a relgious group viz, Orthodox Jews, who belive in "arranged
marriages" in the sense that one is introduced or that one does not just
date for nothing (without marriage in mind). I have found *NO ONE* who
has been willing to make such an inroduction or even who encourages my
pursuit of a mate. The argument is usually money and perhaps there is a
genetic factor etc etc. I think this is where much of my bitterness
is..that no one will help *me try*. Good heraring from you, Aaron
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Internet: Aaron.Feldman@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.orgRon.Rothenberg@f460.n101.z1.fidonet.org (Ron Rothenberg) (09/21/90)
Index Number: 10602
AF> group viz, Orthodox Jews, who belive in "arranged marriages" in
AF> the sense that one is introduced or that one does not just date
AF> for nothing (without marriage in mind). I have found *NO ONE*
Hi Aaron,
I may be speaking out of school here, since I haven't been following
the thread here, but I might suggest a letter to the office of the
Bostoner Rebbe. He is an extremely compassionate man and has been
active particularly in aiding people who are ill or disabled. He has
really been on the forefront in compassion and understanding,
particularly in aiding people who are ill or disabled. He has outreach
programs for Jewish AIDS patients and I mention this because I have
always admired his great compassion and understanding. I hope you've
heard of him. He also does G-d's work as a matchmaker and I believe
your request is right in his usual area of expertise. He has lots of
followers in NY and Israel also (I'm not sure where you're located, but
I think it's NY) , and he just may have a girl for you. You can write
him at 1710 Beacon Street, Brookline, MA 02146 or phone at (617)
566-8192.
L'SHANA TOVAH TIKATEVU.
Best wishes for a happy and a healthy New Year to you all my friends on
ABLED.
-rsr-
/
... How do you make a million? Start with $900,000.
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Internet: Ron.Rothenberg@f460.n101.z1.fidonet.orgLinda.Iverson@p0.f33.n130.z1.fidonet.org (Linda Iverson) (09/21/90)
Index Number: 10608
Hi, Aaron!
I enjoyed hearing from you again. Please don't mind my asking,
but is the religious community to which you belong something
your family has always belonged to, or did you join it as a
adult? My religious faith is a big part of my life, too. I've
thought how interesting it is that religion can be both helpful
and harmful at the same time. I'd like to hear some of what you
believe and your lifestyle, if you don't mind sharing. I think
you just have to take the advicd your friends offer, but
remember they are not you. They don't live your disability.
They haven't worked out the methods of dealing with day-to-day
situations as you have. As I told you, even through what has
happened to me I believe there are people with no disabilities,
the same disability or a different one that can be accepting. I
believe others make of our disabilities what we let them. If I
am uncomfortable about my blindness, they will be. On the
otherhand, if I am upfront and tell someone my methods for
dealing with things and that my way may not be another blind
person's way most people will accept me in spite of blindness.
I have met people who never accept your disability--you could
walk on water and it still wouldn't matter to them, but I've
come to realize that my true friends will accept me as I am.
Yes, if they find a flaw I can change I'll do that, but
blindness I can't change. I think just be yourself. Show
you're in control of your disability and that's all you can do.
I try to remember the creed "God, grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference." I do know my own
happiness comes from myself.
Hang in there, Aaron! You'll make it!
Take care!
Linda
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!130!33.0!Linda.Iverson
Internet: Linda.Iverson@p0.f33.n130.z1.fidonet.orgcas@mtdcb.att.com (Cliff Stevens) (10/02/90)
Index Number: 10689 I know of what you speak, except I have different problems. W me. it is not money, but my "friends". They (Both of them.) feel that since I'm brain damaged, I will not be able to control myself and will attack (either physically or emotionally) any one they introduce me to! Either it's that or they don't even try because they're embarressed to show me to people! ------------ Militant Handicapped Survivor! Cliff Stevens MT1E228 att!cbnewsj!ncas (908)671-7292
Aaron.Feldman@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.org (Aaron Feldman) (10/05/90)
Index Number: 10880
To answer some of your questions. I live alone. The only communal living
situation for me would be with a wife. Here I go again. We are in the
midst of our holdiaday season and I have been feeling very tired and yes
alone. Somedays, I get out of bed and say yes this IS the day I shall
learn about my marriage partner. But as of yet No. Peace/Shalom to you
all. I think about you all even when not on the BBS. Its strange at
least to explain to others. I learned they are offering a 'water walk'
through the local RAMS here. This I would like to do but creates
religious problems,viz, dress codes. Anyway take care of yourself, Aaron
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Internet: Aaron.Feldman@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.orgJulie.Aman@f120.n226.z1.fidonet.org (Julie Aman) (10/18/90)
Index Number: 11184
Linda,
I, too, am divorced. I am a high partial, and I have 3
children, two of whom inherited my disability. The major difference
is that *I* am the one who filed for divorce. I, too, came from an
old-fashioned marriage-is-forever background, *but* it takes two to
make a marriage work and only one to really louse it up. My
ex-husband quit his job when I was 3 months pregnant with our second
child. He had had a "religious experience" and told me that he could
no longer work for a company. I got off my behind and hied down to
BSVI and said, "I've got 1.3 children and I need training so I can
get a job to support them." I was told, "Come back after you've had
the baby, you may change your mind." SO, six months later with a
3-day-old baby and a 3-year-old toddler, I hopped a bus back there
repeated that I wanted training. <two years of programming training
which was supposed to only take 9 months (the school had problems)>
I finish training and am awaiting a position as an intern (unpaid) to
qualify for my graduation certificate from training when I discover
that I am pregnant again. My BSVI counselor suggests that I'm foolish,
my school refuses to find me an internship until *after* I've had the
baby (DO WHILE PREGNANT; DO NOTHING; ENDDO) When my daughter is 6
weeks old, I begin my internship. MEANWHILE, we've been living off SSI
and AFDC. And when the budget was really tight, I sold my plasma. (My
ex was afraid of needles, so *he* never went) My ex WOULD NOT WORK!
Not even after I was hired permanently and we placed the children in
daycare.
Enough is enough! (my minister was 100% supportive of my divorcing
this cretin, especially since he was physically and verbally abusive!)
TCOY,
- Julie
~ SLMR 1.0 ~ Intelligence is the *ultimate* aphrodisiac.
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Internet: Julie.Aman@f120.n226.z1.fidonet.org