Aaron.Feldman@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.org (Aaron Feldman) (10/24/90)
Index Number: 11254
I know this most possibly isn't the place for this but I need to vent my
frustration. Tonight I went food shopping at Wegamns. I have a
handicapped permit so I pulled into a cited place. The car next to me is
inhabited by a fellow that looks a little like Rocky S. And he starts
yelling at me asking me if I have a permit. I dont him that I did
however, he continued to say that if I left my car there he would make
me very sorry. I replied "I am leaving my car here. And if you have a
problem with it call the police". Which he did while I was in the store
shopping. In all honesty I wanted to hit him. I wouldn't if I could but
I wanted to. I felt outraged. Can someone help me I can't really
understand my feelings. I felt so powerless to protect myself and
somehow violated. I thought if somebody understood it would be here on
this BBS. Thank you, Aaron
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!260!204!Aaron.Feldman
Internet: Aaron.Feldman@f204.n260.z1.fidonet.orgNadine.Thomas@p1.f10.n300.z1.fidonet.org (Nadine Thomas) (10/24/90)
Index Number: 11263
AF> I know this most possibly isn't the place for this but I need to
AF> vent my frustration. Tonight I went food shopping at Wegamns. I
This is the PERFECT place for it.
AF> have a handicapped permit so I pulled into a cited place. The car
AF> next to me is inhabited by a fellow that looks a little like Rocky
AF> S. And he starts yelling at me asking me if I have a permit. I
AF> dont him that I did however, he continued to say that if I left my
AF> car there he would make me very sorry. I replied "I am leaving my
AF> car here. And if you have a problem with it call the police".
AF> Which he did while I was in the store shopping. In all honesty I
AF> wanted to hit him. I wouldn't if I could but I wanted to. I felt
AF> outraged. Can someone help me I can't really understand my
AF> feelings. I felt so powerless to protect myself and somehow
AF> violated. I thought if somebody understood it would be here on
AF> this BBS. Thank you, Aaron
Let's start at the feelings - powerless and violated were a good
start - how about frustrated, angry, fearful, sad - do they seem
to fit?
These are the NORMAL feelings that can be felt during an episode
like you went through.
Once I had a guy approach me and say VERY sarcastically "I always
wondered what a handicapped person looked like." I started feeling
all those feelings and I wanted to tell him to look in the mirror
cause he was mentally handicapped but I let it go because all that
would have happened would have been a fight or something and that
would have made things worse.
Another time, it was late, I was hurting and tired, and I stopped
in to the store. I parked at a marked space (had a loaner car cause
mine with HC plates was in the shop) and had placard on dash. A
man got out of a car and told me it was a handicapped space and I
snapped at him that I knew and my placard was in the window, and I
proceeded into the store only to turn around, go back outside, call
him from his car, and apologize to him - you see he was trying to
protect our spaces for us and I was angry at the world that day and
feeling sorry for myself, and I took it out on him - I told him I
was having a bad day and I asked him to please NOT stop questioning
people who are parking in handicapped spots.
I think that in both cases they were trying to help us and I need
to understand that sometimes that help is not always diplomatic and
is sometimes without thought.
I'm glad you shared it with us and I know you will get LOTS of
replies to this cause it seems to be a favorite topic (giggle).
Nadine
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Internet: Nadine.Thomas@p1.f10.n300.z1.fidonet.orgDonna.Siren@p19.f5.n396.z1.fidonet.org (Donna Siren) (10/24/90)
Index Number: 11264
AF> did however, he continued to say that if I left my car there he would
AF> make me very sorry. I replied "I am leaving my car here. And if you
AF> have a problem with it call the police". Which he did while I was in
AF> the store shopping. In all honesty I wanted to hit him. I wouldn't
AF> if I could but I wanted to. I felt outraged. Can someone help me I
AF> can't really understand my feelings. I felt so powerless to protect
AF> myself and somehow violated. I thought if somebody understood it
AF> would be here on this BBS. Thank you, Aaron
I think that you handled the situation perfectly. It's a good
thing that you didn't hit the guy, but I can understand your wish
to. Many times in my life I've been angry at someone and would
have to refrain from hitting them. I can understand why you were
angry, but my advice to you is to let it go. I'm sure it wasn't
pleasant, but it's over and you'll probably never come in contact
with that jerk again.
Donna
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Internet: Donna.Siren@p19.f5.n396.z1.fidonet.orgBill.Koppelmann@f810.n104.z1.fidonet.org (Bill Koppelmann) (10/24/90)
Index Number: 11267
Aaron, you've already gotten messages from others no doubt on this
angering issue, but even if not, do believe me when I say that I
understand, and I expect that most everyone else does as well. I've
been robbed on several occasions, and you can imagine how that made me
feel.
Just remember that you are not alone.
Bill K.
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Internet: Bill.Koppelmann@f810.n104.z1.fidonet.orgRob.Flor@f21.n272.z1.fidonet.org (Rob Flor) (10/26/90)
Index Number: 11333
AF> The car next to me is inhabited by a fellow that looks a
AF> little like Rocky S. And he starts yelling at me asking me if I
AF> have a permit.
I had similar experience, Aaron, and it wasn't even my car! I ran
into my landlord in the supermarket, and carried his groceries to the
car while he was still on his way out.
I was putting them in the trunk when the person sitting in the car
next to me started getting on my case for being parked in a
handicapped zone, even though there was a permit displayed.
What really gets me Aaron, is, I'll bet the person sitting in the car
next to yours was in his car, in the handicap-zone, while a
still-abled friend was in the store shopping!
It does make you angry and frustrated. Even though in a sense the
person is looking out for your interests it doesn't excuse misplaced
anger and vulgarity.
-Rob
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Internet: Rob.Flor@f21.n272.z1.fidonet.orgJean-pierre.Beland@f223.n163.z1.fidonet.org (Jean-pierre Beland) (10/26/90)
Index Number: 11334
The same thing happened to me Aaron. I have a permit to park in an
handicapped parking spot, and somebody told me not to park there as
it was for people with wheelchairs. I was lucky as it was not a
man with the looks of Rocky. People do not realize that the
handicapped are not all in wheelchairs. It is just something that
we have to forget. It is not worth worrying about it. I have been
to Rochester a few times in the last two years, and did not have
any problems with the handicapped parking spaces, even though that
my permit is Canadian.
cheeers, J.P.
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Internet: Jean-pierre.Beland@f223.n163.z1.fidonet.orgBetty.Draughon@p10.f1.n360.z1.fidonet.org (Betty Draughon) (10/27/90)
Index Number: 11355
In a message to All <17 Oct 90 23:41:00> Aaron Feldman wrote:
AF> In all honesty I wanted to hit him. I
AF> wouldn't if I could but I wanted to. I felt outraged.
Hello, Aaron...
This message is a week old as I read it (yep, I'm that far behind),
and I'm sure you've received at least some messages in response to
yours. I understand how you felt. At one time or another I think
we all have felt as you feel. I have seen a time or two when I
would have cheerfully shot someone for similar actions. Now you
know why I don't carry a pistol any more. <smile>
I'm not sure just how to channel anger in a constructive way. It
must be vented, or it will build to a breaking point. Preaching is
certainly not going to help.
As I see it, you did nothing wrong. Since I am not angry at the
moment, it is simple for me to tell you to consider the source and
ignore him. If I WAS angry, I might be tempted to tell you to
strike out at the idiot, and that would probably only make things
worse.
I guess all in all you did the best thing - vent your anger here.
I wish I could offer more constructive advice, but I'm empty at the
moment.
I bid you Peace.
Betty
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Internet: Betty.Draughon@p10.f1.n360.z1.fidonet.orgGary.Bewell@f34.n129.z1.fidonet.org (Gary Bewell) (10/30/90)
Index Number: 11364
On 90-Oct-17, Aaron Feldman wrote to All:
AF> wanted to. I felt outraged. Can someone help me I can't
AF> really understand my feelings. I felt so powerless to
AF> protect myself and somehow violated.
I think most of us who use disabled parking stalls have hadsimilar
experiences. Some of the self-appointed enforcers can be very
vicious in their words and acts. You don't have to justify
yourself to them. Just write the situation off. You run into
these types of people in all types of situations, not just parking
stalls. It's just that we feel particularly vulnerable when are
parking. At first we become defensive about our invisible
disability and then want to lash out at them.
I can remember vividly the 6 worst ones I've experienced, but at
the same time, I remember the best one and it returned my faith in
people. My parking placard had been stolen. I went to the motor
vehicle division to get a replacement. I was feeling so lousy I
didn't know if I would be able to walk in and wait in line. I
couldn't find a parking stall except the disabled parking stall.
Getting out of my van, I saw a man staring at me. I thought "Well
here it comes." But the man walked passed me. He then turned and
approached me. He told me that it was a real mad house inside the
office with about 150 people waiting. He had taken a ticket and
waited for 2 hours, but just didn't have the time to wait any
longer. He gave me his ticket and said I would probably see a
clerk within 15 minutes. I thanked him.
He didn't know how much I appreciated his generosity. I was in a
Catch-22 situation. If I waited in line for 2 hours, I wouldn't be
functioning for the rest of the week. There was no way to get a
replacement placard except to wait in line and I needed the
placard.
I hope you will have a positive experience so that you can remember
that you don't feel that every person who looks at you when you get
out of your vehicle in a disabled parking stall is an enemy.
Gary
# Origin: T.P.V. - Calgary, Alberta, Canada (8:7500/198)
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Internet: Gary.Bewell@f34.n129.z1.fidonet.orgJess.Ehmke@f11.n203.z1.fidonet.org (Jess Ehmke) (11/06/90)
Index Number: 11551
Aron, the Disabled Rights Organization For 16 years have been
dealing with fools like this evewhere: all you do is to take them
to small clams court and file a tort against them for iterferring
with a public domain issue under 504 access law "blue curb parking"
make sure the space is properly marked then file a police report
its like an assult against a disabled person when interferring with
freedom of access.
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Internet: Jess.Ehmke@f11.n203.z1.fidonet.org