lhiner@atl.CalState.EDU (Larry Hiner) (11/14/90)
Index Number: 11663 Bill - I wrote this in immediate response to your contributor who wrote about losing his girlfriend, etc. I tried to send it via internet to his Fidonet address but it got bounced back for "too many node changes" or some such thing. So it has set on my hard disk for a few days. I noticed the other responses today, and I suppose that prompted me to get it to your list as the only available way to get it to him - it's not that I don't want the response aired - that's OK by me, but it seemed like such an intensely personal issue that I wanted to try to reach him privately first. At any rate, here it is... (Thanks. Larry Hiner, Sacramento, CA) To: Tom.Lipovits@f3.n157.z1.fidonet.org Dear Tom, Thanks for reaching out - it's a healthy sign, even though I hear your pain very clearly. Even in the best of circumstances, making a transition like getting married is a difficult (and joyous) time. Parents can be condescending and, in their concern for our well-being, even obnoxious and overbearing. Add to that your parents' rage over what has happened to their beloved son, and they *need* to protect you from everything they see as a potential threat to you. They may even blame themselves for the accident, or, in wondering "why?", they may have developed a tendency to blame anyone and everyone who had even the most remote connection to you or others involved with the shooting. Try to forgive them for loving you so much that they are blinded by their own anguish in your pain. And their inability to do anything to alleviate it for you. It may be hard for you right now, but at some time you may want to consider rejoicing in the love your parents evidently do have for you, albeit somewhat misdirected from your vantage point. It will probably take some time before they realize that emotionally and cognitively you are still 27, regardless of what your body will or won't do now. You may be 28, or 29, or even thirty-something before they recognize it; maybe they never will get over *your* accident. But what you DO have under your control is the power to forgive them - "for they know not what they are doing." Love is an ever-renewable gift from others throughout our lives; a lifetime is given to us only once (that we really know of) - take care of what you do with that ultimate gift. I'd be happy to hear from you again. I'll watch for your postings in the "handicap" forum or you can contact me directly through internet at: lhiner@atl.CalState.edu Bye for now, Larry Hiner Held 3 messages in /usr/mail/lhiner