Allen.Marker@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Allen Marker) (11/28/90)
Index Number: 11990
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
Hello. My name is allen Marker and i am a para. with a c6-7 fracture. I
was a guitar player in a nimber of bands and also had trained and taught
martial arts for 16 years. i fell off a 45 foot balcony and nailed my
neck on a speed bump in the parking lot. Since then i have had a hard
time dealing with not being able to do all the things i used to do. I
kind of feel like i died there because i cant play professionaly anymore
nor can i teach to be able to realy defend myself or others. i'm not
looking for pity just wondering how people can find other things to take
the place of everything that you had. I have never confronted this and
if i hadnt seen this board i probably never would have. any help or
feedback would be listened to and hopefully i can benifit from it.
thanks for listening.
allen
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!105!14.0!Allen.Marker
Internet: Allen.Marker@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.orgrudy@mtqua.att.com (Rudy Vener) (11/29/90)
Index Number: 12023 In article <15898@bunker.UUCP>, Allen.Marker@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Allen Marker) writes: > Index Number: 11990 > > Hello. My name is allen Marker and i am a para. with a c6-7 fracture. I > was a guitar player in a nimber of bands and also had trained and taught > martial arts for 16 years. i fell off a 45 foot balcony and nailed my > neck on a speed bump in the parking lot. Since then i have had a hard > time dealing with not being able to do all the things i used to do. I > kind of feel like i died there because i cant play professionaly anymore > nor can i teach to be able to realy defend myself or others. i'm not > looking for pity just wondering how people can find other things to take > the place of everything that you had. I have never confronted this and > if i hadnt seen this board i probably never would have. any help or > feedback would be listened to and hopefully i can benifit from it. > thanks for listening. > allen 0) Forget about the things you can no longer do. 1) Make lists of the all the things you can do or can teach yourself to do. 2) Do as many of the items on your list as possible. 3) Pick the ones you enjoyed most and discard the remainder. 4) Live long and prosper. Possible Items for list: write music with mouthstic and computer software, learn mandarin (spoken and written), write dirty limericks, join a debating society, invent a tongue loaded pea shooter for other paraplegics (you can give me 1 percent of the gross for this one), write a book, read a book, go white water rafting (might take some fast talking to swing this one), et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Rudy Vener uucp: att!mtqua!rudy
Jack.Hotchkiss@f10.n130.z1.fidonet.org (Jack Hotchkiss) (11/29/90)
Index Number: 12024
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
I can really understand where your coming from. I was in a few bands
myself(lead singer) and I was also a dancer...which was my greatest love.
however while I was out in Califorina doing what needed to be done I made
the mistake of going surfing...and broke my neck in 3 places. So now I've
been a quad for almost 25 years. But life is still good..just don't give
up.. Go to some concerts..Enjoy life.
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!130!10!Jack.Hotchkiss
Internet: Jack.Hotchkiss@f10.n130.z1.fidonet.orgAdrienne.Barhydt@p15.f41.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Adrienne Barhydt) (11/29/90)
Index Number: 12029
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
In a message of <Nov 19 00:56>, Allen Marker (1:105/14) writes:
AM>Hello. My name is allen Marker and i am a para. with a c6-7 fracture. I
AM>was a guitar player in a nimber of bands and also had trained and taught
AM>martial arts for 16 years. i fell off a 45 foot balcony and nailed my
AM>neck on a speed bump in the parking lot. Since then i have had a hard
AM>time dealing with not being able to do all the things i used to do. I
AM>kind of feel like i died there because i cant play professionaly anymore
AM>nor can i teach to be able to realy defend myself or others. i'm not
AM>looking for pity just wondering how people can find other things to take
AM>the place of everything that you had. I have never confronted this and if
AM>i hadnt seen this board i probably never would have. any help or feedback
AM>would be listened to and hopefully i can benifit from it. thanks for
AM>listening.
AM> allen
hello allen,
i thought i'd say hello and mention some of the ways i've been
dealing with my disabilities. i hope this will be of some help to
you.
I am learning to focus on what i can do rather than what i can't.
if i think about it, there is still far more that i CAN do than i
will have time for in my entire life. I am also trying to give
myself credit for my accomplishments based on my current
capabilities, instead of old standards that no longer apply. I am
sorting out what is most important to me and finding new ways to do
those things.
the past is over. i have mourned many loses but it does me no good
to dwell on how things used to be. you don't mention how long it
has been since your injury. i can only speak for myself but it
seems like acceptance and adjustment don't happen over night and it
does take an effort. but it can be done.
AM>--- Opus-CBCS 1.14
AM> * Origin: Busker's Boneyard (1:105/14.0)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
are you in the portland area? i am in milwaukie. i am a point off of
busker's boneyard.
adrienne
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!105!41.15!Adrienne.Barhydt
Internet: Adrienne.Barhydt@p15.f41.n105.z1.fidonet.orgFrank.Whitney@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.org (Frank Whitney) (11/29/90)
Index Number: 12030
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
It's good that you found this echo. I'm sure that you'll find much
support and suggestions on things to do. You'll find over time that
you'll replace many of your old things with some new ones. I'm not
saying that it'll be easy but with hard work on your part you can
still be happy and very productive. I know that when I go to dances
I sometimes get really blue because I used to love to dance. It just
takes time and lots of effort and hopefully understanding from your
friends.
Frank.
-- Via Opus Msg Kit v1.11
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!261!1000!Frank.Whitney
Internet: Frank.Whitney@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.orgHarry.London@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.org (Harry London) (11/29/90)
Index Number: 12032
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
Alan:
You are getting a lot of good response to your request for advice, etc.,
on dealing with life in a chair. I'll add my personal experience. I have
now been in a wheelchair 20 months, being a T-10 para due to an
inflammatory process or something like it in the spinal cord. I was I
guess I should say am an advertising writer, and have been doing several
free lance writing and consulting projects. But I was also a singer
involved in synagogue cnatorial work, and that I am unable to do any
longer not because of vocal problems, but just the logistics of keeping
on an early morning schedule...in view of some of the other problems
generally associated with spinal cord problems. If I judged the way the
world was going to be for me by the way I felt 20 months ago I'd have
thrown in the towel back then. But I always had a perspective that (1)
things have a way of evolving (2) you get accustomed to situations over
time, and then go on from there., The best advice I can give you is to
think ahead to 6 months, a year, etc., from now and know with full faith
that you will get this stage behind you. You will ber amazed and pleased
by the number of things that yuou will be doing at those pointks in the
future. And you will find this echo and others of tremendous value and
inspiration when you see scores of examples coming on every week of
overcoming, and "going from there." Good luck, and good to know ;you.
Harry
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!261!1000!Harry.London
Internet: Harry.London@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.orgcas@mtdcb.att.com (Cliff Stevens) (12/01/90)
Index Number: 12074 In article <15935@bunker.UUCP>, rudy@mtqua.att.com (Rudy Vener) writes: | Index Number: 12023 | | In article <15898@bunker.UUCP>, Allen.Marker@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.org | (Allen Marker) writes: | > Index Number: 11990 | > | > Hello. My name is allen Marker and i am a para. with a c6-7 fracture. I | > was a guitar player in a nimber of bands and also had trained and taught | > martial arts for 16 years. i fell off a 45 foot balcony and nailed my | > neck on a speed bump in the parking lot. Since then i have had a hard | > time dealing with not being able to do all the things i used to do. I | [Lots of stuff deleted] | Possible Items for list: write music with mouthstic and computer software, | learn mandarin (spoken and written), write dirty limericks, join a debating | society, invent a tongue loaded pea shooter for other paraplegics (you can | give me 1 percent of the gross for this one), write a book, read a book, | go white water rafting (might take some fast talking to swing this one), | et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Great Rudy, but you forgot Chess! And Allen, if you need help in Chess, I'd be glad to! ------------ Survivor! (As the National Head Injury Foundation calls us.) Cliff Stevens MT1E228 att!cbnewsj!ncas (908)671-7292
Harry.London@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.org (Harry London) (12/06/90)
Index Number: 12342
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
FW> took it so long. She got me dressed in the morning etc. to my job
FW> then went to her own job and took care of me when she got home. It
FW> wasn't until we had separated that I realized what a jem I had. Boy
FW> talk about 20/20 hindsight if I had to do it over again that woman
FW> would be treated like a queen!
I read an article about care-givers and oneof the things it warned care-
givers avbout was not to expect gratitude from the patient. I wonder if
it is in the process for the careee to be the kind of person who does not
lash out at the care-giver. Sometimes I think the care-giver is terribly
frustrated because he or she expects gratitude when it is not there to be
given. Regards,
Harry
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!261!1000!Harry.London
Internet: Harry.London@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.orgJerry.Pickup@p33.f1.n360.z1.fidonet.org (Jerry Pickup) (12/06/90)
Index Number: 12344
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
In a message to Harry London <26 Nov 90 23:11:00> Allen Marker wrote:
AM> things you have to learn and do and i dont like having to depend
AM> on people for help. It kind of makes me mad or sad. Its kind of
AM> hard to explain but i hope it passes. Thanks again and i'd like
Allen, I find that as long as I do as much as I can for myself,
people don't mind helping me with the rest. Sometimes I think it
makes friendships even closer than they would be otherwise.
-Jerry
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!360!1.33!Jerry.Pickup
Internet: Jerry.Pickup@p33.f1.n360.z1.fidonet.orgFrank.Whitney@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.org (Frank Whitney) (12/07/90)
Index Number: 12372 [This is from the Spinal Injury Conference] >I read an article about care-givers and oneof the things it warned >are-givers avbout was not to expect gratitude from the patient. I wonder if >it is in the process for the careee to be the kind of person who does not >lash out at the care-giver. Sometimes I think the care-giver is terribly >frustrated because he or she expects gratitude when it is not there to be That might normally be the case, but this woman was my girlfriend first and care-giver second. When I look back on that period in my life all that I see is a selfish brute that treated someone who was really trying hard to please him terribly. She really didn't deserve the treatment that she received from me. The only good thing that came out of that treatment was that I realized that I would have to treat any future partner much better. Fortunately, I've done that with my present wife. Frank. -- Via Opus Msg Kit v1.11 -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!261!1000!Frank.Whitney Internet: Frank.Whitney@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.org
Harry.London@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.org (Harry London) (12/07/90)
Index Number: 12375
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
FW> That might normally be the case, but this woman was my girlfriend
FW> first and care-giver second. When I look back on that period in my
My definition of "care-giver" is the person on whom one is dependent; it
does not exclude the possibility of the wife or girl friend. And it is
particularly someone as close as that who is in danger of getting the
most grief from an unappreciative, or uncontrollable patient. But your
point is clear--and it's great that you've made a lifechange on the basis
of the earlier experience. Good luck!
Harry
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!261!1000!Harry.London
Internet: Harry.London@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.orgAllen.Marker@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Allen Marker) (12/21/90)
Index Number: 12584
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
Thanks for the input Adrienne. I was hurt 8 years ago and i know that
sounds like along time but for me it seems like it was yesterday and an
eterinty. It sounds like you have a good grasp on how to go on with your
life and i was wondering, did you have someone to help you cope or did
you have to do it on your own? If you dont mind telling me i would be
interested in what you have to offer. Maybe its just the way i am but i
cant really let go of the past. It dosent hold me prisoner all the time
but once in awhile i cant seem to shake it and all the things that i've
been trying to do to better myself dont seem to matter. does this ever
happen to you? If you like i would like to talk again so let me know ok?
bye
--
Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!105!14.0!Allen.Marker
Internet: Allen.Marker@p0.f14.n105.z1.fidonet.orgAdrienne.Barhydt@p15.f41.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Adrienne Barhydt) (01/09/91)
Index Number: 12744
[This is from the Spinal Injury Conference]
On Fri, Dec 14 Allen Marker (1:105/14) wrote the following to Adrienne Barhydt:
AM>Thanks for the input Adrienne. I was hurt 8 years ago and i know
AM>that sounds like along time but for me it seems like it was
AM>yesterday and an eterinty. It sounds like you have a good grasp
AM>on how to go on with your life and i was wondering, did you have
AM>someone to help you cope or did you have to do it on your own? If
AM>you dont mind telling me i would be interested in what you have
AM>to offer. Maybe its just the way i am but i cant really let go of
AM>the past. It dosent hold me prisoner all the time but once in
AM>awhile i cant seem to shake it and all the things that i've been
AM>trying to do to better myself dont seem to matter. does this ever
AM>happen to you? If you like i would like to talk again so let me
AM>know ok? bye
i think the turning point for me was when i accepted my current
situation as reality. i didn't get there alone. i went for some
counselling which i found very helpful. i try to focus on things
now in the context of what i am capable of now. i try to give
myself a mental pat on the back for things that i do based on how i
am now not with any sort of comparison to how i used to be.
part of letting go of the past has been grieving some. the losses
are real and there is no reason to minimize them. i think that by
acknowledging the losses and grieving for them it becomes possible
for the past to sort of fade. it is still there but it doesn't
control how i experience the present.
it's the recent past that is a problem for me. i have ms, the type
that gets steadily worse with no remissions. so in a few months
time i seem to acquire a whole new set of losses to grieve and a
bunch of new things to deal with. (you'd think i'd be an expert at
this by now :-) ) i have down times. i wonder if that ever goes
away for anyone. i guess the thing to do with the down times is to
be able to recognize when it's happening and develop a technique
for pulling yourself out of it - like maybe posting a message here
asking for help when you need it!
i hope this helps some. i'll be around if you want to talk more.
i mostly just read and sometimes it takes me a while to respond,
but i'll be here.
adrienne
--
Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!105!41.15!Adrienne.Barhydt
Internet: Adrienne.Barhydt@p15.f41.n105.z1.fidonet.orgFrank.Whitney@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.org (Frank Whitney) (01/09/91)
Index Number: 12746 [This is from the Spinal Injury Conference] >it's the recent past that is a problem for me. i have ms, the type that >gets steadily worse with no remissions. so in a few months time i seem to >acquire a whole new set of losses to grieve and a bunch of new things to >deal with. (you'd think i'd be an expert at this by now :-) ) i have down >times. i wonder if that ever goes away for anyone. i guess the thing to do >with the down times is to be able to recognize when it's happening and >develop a technique for pulling yourself out of it - like maybe posting a >message here asking for help when you need it! > You, sound a lot like my wife. She has MS and although I've been in a wheelchair for the last 24 years because I'm a quadriplegic from a diving accident I wouldn't trade places with my wife Jeanne even though she's able to still get about without always using a wheelchair. I believe that the stress associated with the steadily worsening condition is much worse. At least for me and others like myself it's generally a one time adjustment. With my wife as with yourself it's one ordeal after another. I'm happy that I don't have to constantly adjust to a new set of problems as people with a degenerative type of disease have. I agree with you on posting messages when you need help. It's always easier knowing that others are pulling for you. Frank. -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!261!1000!Frank.Whitney Internet: Frank.Whitney@f1000.n261.z1.fidonet.org