Nadine.Thomas@p1.f7.n300.z1.fidonet.org (Nadine Thomas) (01/10/91)
Index Number: 12785 Hi Alan.... Your question raised a lot of thought for me. First is the thought if the child would be genetically compromised - the fact that your wife is healthy would give the child a healthier chance in life. Some may think this thinking is cruel but I have been around too many kids who were conceived with the parents KNOWING the kids faced severe and fatal disabilities - I thought those people selfish with no thought to the pain and suffering the children were going to go through in their VERY SHORT lives. I worked in a lab and I had to do the blood tests on some of these kids because they had to have blood transfusions EACH AND EVERY MONTH of their lives. Children are wonderful but if the financial aspect is going to be forseeably very rough I would think very hard - divorce, child abuse, spouse abuse can and are results of the frustrations of financial difficulties. If you are having ANY marital difficulties at the PRESENT time I would highly recommend to NOT have kids - contrary to some people's beliefs kids do NOT cement a relationship that is floundering. Even in good marriages kids can really rock the boat of blissful matrimony. Kids take a LOT of care and if, as you say, you are a kid in need of a LOT of attention yourself then I would seriously look at that. If you are going to be yanking your wife's arm while the kids are yanking her other arm that would be terribly unfair and probably cause severe problems. I would suggest that you and your wife see a family counselor who is familiar with disabilities too and have some honest, gut-level sessions and in this way you will have an objective, trained person who can help both of you sort through the thoughts, fears, emotions etc. so you two can come to a conclusion that would be suitable for BOTH of you and your circumstances. It is too easy for those of us NOT in your shoes to tell you yea or nay. All I can do is give uneducated information based on the little I know from what you have written - this is too important a decision to leave it up to us unprofessionals. Good luck and please let us know how it is going. Nadine -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!300!7.1!Nadine.Thomas Internet: Nadine.Thomas@p1.f7.n300.z1.fidonet.org
Chris.Brown@f113.n163.z1.fidonet.org (Chris Brown) (01/11/91)
Index Number: 12829 I second your point about children not saving foundering relationships. Sometmes desparation to have a child is a signal that the relationship is foundering...and sometimes one will demand a child simply because they know the other doesn't want it, as a way of getting rid of the relationship without feeling guilty for getting out of it themselves. -- Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!163!113!Chris.Brown Internet: Chris.Brown@f113.n163.z1.fidonet.org