[misc.handicap] Adapting

Betty.J.@p10.f642.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Betty J.) (02/01/91)

Index Number: 13308

PN>     Hi Betty and Rob, planning wisely for the future is not the same as
PN> really being a worrier.  With disabilities that is the only way to go.
 
In the beginning I couldn't get Rob to talk about Adam's future special needs 
his response was "We'll deal with it when it comes up".  He is beginning to 
see that that will be to late in some instances.
 
PN> I'm not sure on how much of a crossover help will apply to your son for 
PN> coping with his school and social skills. I realize that people view those
PN> of short stature differently as the also deal with other disabilities. 
PN> One of the things that I have noticed is that short people are viewed as
PN> "cute" and childlike as opposed to us in wheelchairs that are preceived as
PN> totally dibilitated.
 
I'm finding that there is alot of crossover when it comes to other people's 
percetion of a difference, or not "normal".  Cute & childlike is great when 
you're a 4 y/o like Adam, but I've talked to several short statured adults that 
are constantly fighting that perception in the workplace. 
 
PN> One way that comes to mind to help him in the future is to
PN> teach him how to be very independent and responsible. One way of doing 
PN> this is to do modifications to the home so that he has access to 
PN> everything and teach him how to help and work at home. A low work counter
PN> in the kitchen
 
We haven't made any permanant modifications to our house, but we try to make
Adam as independent as possible: booster steps everywhere, light switch and 
doorknob extenders, a turntable in the bathroom so the glass, soap, etc. 
isn't out of reach. We just recently installed the light switch extenders and 
he is driving us crazy with his new independence turning lights off & on! 
 
For awhile when he didn't want to do something (like pick up his toys) his 
response was "I'm not big enough" - that didn't get him anywhere so he's 
dropped it, but has a few other 4 y/o excuses why he can't.
 
PN> If you are secure and have a sense of your
PN> own worth than no one can really hassle you or put you down. 
 
I like that.
 
PN>      I only know of one other group that deals with dwarfism and that is
PN> the Billy Barty Foundation Inc.
 
We have recieved some information from them & purchased a wonderful 
music video from them called "From Where I Stand".
 
Thanks for the welcome & suggestions.  We look forward to hearing from you 
again. 
 
 
                                ROB & BETTY JACOBSEN
 
 

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Pandora.Nigh@f3.n157.z1.fidonet.org (Pandora Nigh) (02/01/91)

Index Number: 13317

    Hi Betty, sounds like you've got a real good hand on things and are 
off to a very good stt. I know that when you are worried about someone 
else you tend to not see how good your doing and always feel that maybe 
I'm not doing enough. You have made some great plans and steps to help 
Adam. One of the things that I'm glad that you can recognize is the 
difference between a problem caused by his disability and the stuff that 
kids just do. This helps, a child and even some adults will use any 
excuse not to do stuff that they don't want to or is a little bit hard. 
As a parent it is hard to keep "nagging the kid" to get on the ball and 
do it. I've seen more disabled adults and teens that were more disabled 
from their parents letting them pull the disability excuse to the 
extreme when growing older analso the overprotective parent that has 
decided that a child with a disability is fragile and incompetent to do 
anything because of the disability. You have beaten that trap and that 
is the most important one. Keep giving him the chance to do things, lots 
of love, work with the school system as you have done, don't act 
embarrassed when people ask questions or stare at him, these things will 
reinforce a sense of self esteem in him that will be his major tool for 
adapting and coping with life.  Best wishes and keep up the good work.
                                Pandora

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