Susan.Goldfield@f715.n273.z1.fidonet.org (Susan Goldfield) (04/25/91)
Index Number: 15206
[This is from the Blink Talk Conference]
Nancy, I totally sympathize with your situation. On one hand, you
want to be friendly to those curious people with all of their
sometimes sensible,but often very silly questions. On the other
hand, there are days when it is very difficult to have patience. I
am not blind, but my husband is. While you get questions about your
guide dog, I get questions about my husband....when at a
restuarant, "what would he like for dinner?" When we are waiting
for a bus,"how does he get around?" and I could continue listing
all day long. Oh, one more of my favorites, people say to me,"you
are such a good person for taking care of him" that just boils my
blood! people never assume david is my husband-they assume he is my
son,brother,a friend,ect, They can't seem to envision a handicapped
person with a sexuality.(that's an entirely different topic)
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go off on such a tangent. The point is-
David and I have come up with a "formula" to handle the above
mentioned occasions. Maybe others will find it helpful, maybe not.
When someone asks me "what does he want",ect. I handle it one of
two ways. I either say, "why don't you ask him" which causes so
much embarresment that I only save that one for the utterly fresh
from the darkages comments. the way I usually handle it is by
simply not answering and then after a moment they'll catch on and
ask David what ever it was.
As far as your dog is concerened, it's OK to say no. It's OK to
stick to your guns and finish a sentence before replying to their
questions. It's OK to be a little cranky sometimes. Don't sweat it-
I've walked away from situations feeling guilty for the way I've
responded, but remember your only human.
By the way, my husband wanted me to say hi to you. He's David
Goldfield....do you know him or are you someone different. Sorry
for the length of this message, but as a spouse of a blind person,
I rarely get the opportunity to vent a little steam. Thanks Nancy,
..............Sue
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!273!715!Susan.Goldfield
Internet: Susan.Goldfield@f715.n273.z1.fidonet.orgDonna.Siren@p19.f5.n396.z1.fidonet.org (Donna Siren) (05/03/91)
Index Number: 15293
[This is from the Blink Talk Conference]
SB> theguy who comes up to you, grabbs your hand, and right in your face,
SB> three times as loud as necessary says, "Do you know who this is?"
The one that drives me crazy is when I go to church and people that
I don't know very well and don't recognize their voice will come up
to me and give me a big hug and say "Hi, Donna. It's so good to
see you". I feel like I should know who they are and if I know
their name, I'm sure it would sound very familiar, so rather than
go through the embarrassment of asking who they are, I'll return
the hug and say something appropriate and let it go. I find that
it's the ones who tell me who they are who don't need to tell me.
Donna
SB> Well, you don't and after saying so, you are challenged, "Sure
you know
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!396!5.19!Donna.Siren
Internet: Donna.Siren@p19.f5.n396.z1.fidonet.orgWarren.Figueiredo@f6.n3800.z1.fidonet.org (Warren Figueiredo) (05/04/91)
Index Number: 15353
[This is from the Blink Talk Conference]
Yes I've played the Name the Obscure Relative Game before and I, too,
find it boring. Once one of my distant relatives asked if I was still
blind.
Another well-meaning soul asked where I worked and when I replied that
I worked at a school for the blind, she said that it was wonderful that
they had a place for people like me.
So it goes. I bet it happens to us all.
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!3800!6!Warren.Figueiredo
Internet: Warren.Figueiredo@f6.n3800.z1.fidonet.orgNancy.Feldman@f605.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Nancy Feldman) (05/04/91)
Index Number: 15355
[This is from the Blink Talk Conference]
Hi Sue,
That is kinda funny. "Gee, who should we help? Let's help them
both to be on the safe side."
There are some not-so-funny moments, though; and these are the
times when I find it hardest to be polite. For example, awhile
back an elderly woman got on the bus. When she noticed my dog, who
was sitting quietly, she went through this spiel about how dogs
weren't supposed to be allowed on buses. Both the driver (most of
the drivers here in Salem know me well) and I explained patiently
that Barney was a working dog and that he helped me to get around.
To this the woman responded that if I couldn't get around without
assistance I shouldn't have left the house. I shut up, because
otherwise I would have said something uncharitable.
-> MegaMail v2.01 #0:You say I'm weird? Thanks!
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!105!605!Nancy.Feldman
Internet: Nancy.Feldman@f605.n105.z1.fidonet.orgSusan.Goldfield@f715.n273.z1.fidonet.org (Susan Goldfield) (05/04/91)
Index Number: 15361
Nancy, This is turning into a regular support group! And don't we
all need them every once in awhile. In response to your story about
you and Barney on the bus...
David was told by a government official once that blind people
should not be allowed on elevators alone without an escort.Wait til
you hear this one. David and I lived in a terrible apartment
complex a few years ago. It was our first place together and we had
to rough it for a few years. The apartments had 3 elevators in the
building. They were the old fashioned kind whereas you had to open
the door then open a gate manually. They don't make too many of
those anymore so I hope you can visualize it. It pertains to the
story. Anyway, we lived on the third floor and David left to go to
work. Five minutes later he came back to the apartment so
frightened I couldn't imagine what happened. He said he called the
elevator, opened the door and all he found was an empty elevator
shaft. The elevator wasn't there. Luckily Dave has a bit of light
perception and had his cane far in front of him. We couldn't
believe this. We asked a few of our neighbors and they all had
problems with the elevators also. Dave called the Department of
Labor and Industry to simply report the problem. The man on the
phone didn't believe blind people should be in elevators alone and
I think he meant independent travel in general, but I'm not 100%
sure. Davie asked for an apology and this guy just fed him more of
the dark ages bullcrap. Supervisors were called and letters were
written by several blind organizations.
Unfortunatly, this man is still working within the system and is
just as uneducated as before. We went as far as we could. Nancy,
nice talking with you again and I hope to have some nice stories to
share with you soon. Did you read the messages in reference to
blind individuals going into the schools to do some education?
That's how you and I,our spouses,and the handicapped community at
large are going to have some positive experiences. The whole key is
early intervention. Teach them about positive role models before
they are convinced of the stereotypes. Take care.....Sue
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!273!715!Susan.Goldfield
Internet: Susan.Goldfield@f715.n273.z1.fidonet.orgTandy.Way@f6.n377.z1.fidonet.org (Tandy Way) (05/04/91)
Index Number: 15365
[This is from the Blink Talk Conference]
when I am not spoken to directly by a service person at a restraunt one
tactic I use is "does he want cream in his coffee?" and I say "yes he
wants cream in his coffee"
...
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!377!6!Tandy.Way
Internet: Tandy.Way@f6.n377.z1.fidonet.orgDiana.Dawne@f432.n109.z1.fidonet.org (Diana Dawne) (05/06/91)
Index Number: 15411
[This is from the Blink Talk Conference]
Have you had the experience of being in a room full of people when
suddenly it was decided they all wanted to pray for your eyes.
I accidentally got into a situation like that and it was most
unpleasant. When it didn't work, they said it was my fault except one
old lady who said that in fact Satan lives in the dog. If I would just
give up the dog-- I would be healed. I didn't say it but my unspoken
question was "healed of what!"
* EZ 1.30 *
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!109!432!Diana.Dawne
Internet: Diana.Dawne@f432.n109.z1.fidonet.orgmgflax@phoenix.princeton.edu (Marshall G. Flax) (05/10/91)
Index Number: 15467 In article <19143@bunker.isc-br.com> Nancy.Feldman@f605.n105.z1.fidonet.org writes: >.... I shut up, because >otherwise I would have said something uncharitable. > Charity is a good thing, but it is not the only good. You allowed that woman to walk away with a very distorted view of reality. I'm not judging you (nobody confronts bigotry 100 percent of the time) but you certainly had the right to explain to her exactly how wrong she was, and saved her the embarassment of saying such stupid things in the future. marshall /****************************************************************************/ /* Marshall Gene Flax '89 (609)258-6739 mgflax@phoenix.Princeton.EDU */ /* c/o Jack Gelfand|Psychology Dept|Princeton University|Princeton NJ 08544 */ /****************************************************************************/
cmfaltz@phoenix.princeton.edu (Christine Marie Faltz) (05/13/91)
Index Number: 15542 I have had many religious fanatics come up to me on the street or in offices or stores and tell me that if my parents had been better Christians (this was interesting, since they were assuming my family's religion) or if I had refrained from masturbating when young, I would be sighted. They then tell me that if I truly believe in the Lord, He will heal me. I usually reply, "What would God think of what you're saying?" They then reply something like, "I am doing the Lord's owrk." "The only healing I need is for God (or someone, preferably yourself) to heal your attitude." They will say something like, "I will pray for you," whereupon I ignore them. A friend of mine was walking on campus a few years ago and was approached by a young woman who said, "My dear, never forget that no matter what, Jesus loves you." My friend, in a shocked, astonished and confused voice, (she put it on, of course) replied, "He does? But he never calls." It was quite effective. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Poor is the person | Christine Faltz | | whose permission | 33 Prospect Ave. | | depends upon the | Princeton, NJ 08540 | | perceptions of others. | "Who is John Galt?" | -------------------------------------------------------------------------
Warren.Figueiredo@f6.n3800.z1.fidonet.org (Warren Figueiredo) (05/14/91)
Index Number: 15568
[This is from the Blink Talk Conference]
I know someone who was pestered by the aggressively religious. Not only
did they lay hands on her several times hoping to cure her of low
vision, but they convinced her to quit taking her madicine as a sign of
faith.
Needless to say, today she has no sight due to glaucoma and her
fundamentalist Christian friends agree that not only did the girl not
have enough faith to resotre her full sight but she must have sinned
greatly for the Lord to take the rest of her vision away.
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!3800!6!Warren.Figueiredo
Internet: Warren.Figueiredo@f6.n3800.z1.fidonet.orgNancy.Feldman@f605.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Nancy Feldman) (05/14/91)
Index Number: 15570
[This is from the Blink Talk Conference]
I have also had people decide to "pray for my eyes." In fact, when
I was 11 my dad took me to a faith healer (you know, one of those
guys who rants and raves) to do just that. I was absolutely
miserable, and when it failed I felt even worse; because they all
said it was my fault.
This and several other reasons are why, although I believe in a
higher being, I am not a Christian.
Sigh.
-> MegaMail v2.01 #0:A cure for depression: Administer chocolate!
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Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!105!605!Nancy.Feldman
Internet: Nancy.Feldman@f605.n105.z1.fidonet.orgDiana.Dawne@f432.n109.z1.fidonet.org (Diana Dawne) (05/16/91)
Index Number: 15685
[This is from the Blink Talk Conference]
I don't care if they want to pray that I will have vision. It's a free
country, and I can pray for whatever I want and of course I feel that
they should have that same freedom. What bothers me is when they want
to make a specticle of it especially on the bus or some other place.
It also bothers me when these weird acting people will ask you can see
because they have been fasting and praying for you.
I had an interesting experience yesterday. When I got off the bus, this
lady got off too and we waited together for another bus. I was carrying
a keyboard for a computer, and from my purse, I dragged out-- that's
right-- the BNs. I promptly put on my ear phone and began trying to
finish what I was working on. I had a lot of time waiting for the bus,
and I was going to use it well. Alas for such good planning. The woman
at the bus stop had other ideas.
She wanted to talk about the keyboard. Then she told me that she
wondered why I had that tiny little thing and was I listening to music.
I resisted the empulse to tell her that with her blabbing, all I could
hear was her. Instead I explained that it was a little braille device
that I could store text in and then later transfer it to my computer.
She was quiet for a minute, then said that she felt that maybe she
should tell me that she watches me often and that she had taken my
blindness to the Lord and asked Him to help me. She was sad, she said
that it looked like the Lord didn't want to heal me, but she could give
thanks that technology was available that made my life easier.
I thanked her for her concern. I do see
her often, and thank goodness she has
never made a specticle on the bus.
* EZ 1.30 *
--
Uucp: ..!{decvax,oliveb}!bunker!hcap!hnews!109!432!Diana.Dawne
Internet: Diana.Dawne@f432.n109.z1.fidonet.orggdk@ssi.uucp (Gary D. Kline) (05/16/91)
Index Number: 15701 Warren.Figueiredo@f6.n3800.z1.fidonet.org (Warren Figueiredo) writes: > >I know someone who was pestered by the aggressively religious. Not only >did they lay hands on her several times hoping to cure her of low >vision, but they convinced her to quit taking her madicine as a sign of >faith. > >Needless to say, today she has no sight due to glaucoma and her >fundamentalist Christian friends agree that not only did the girl not >have enough faith to resotre her full sight but she must have sinned >greatly for the Lord to take the rest of her vision away. This discussion brings back memories. One, of a young man seriously crippled in an car accident whose fundamentalist family insisted he would get out of his wheelchair and walk if only he would pray and *believe.* After months of intensive prayer didn't cure him, the believer's out was: "Well, you simply don't believe deeply enough." Several years ago I tuned into a faith-healer preaching over the radio. A call-in program. All callers were encouraged and supported enthusiastically. Suddenly there was a caller that the minister hadn't expected: someone whose speech was severely garbled. After a few seconds of this, the faith-healer said, "Praise the Lord, son. My advice to you is to pray and pray like you've never prayed before. And you will be cured." The line was cut, and the program went to a commercial. It strikes me as strange that the fundamentalists only choose "plausible-impossible" situations such as making the blind see, or the wheelchair bound walk. That they never take on the "impossible-impossible" miracles such as helping a double amputee grow new legs. Faith certainly has its place. Some people would be adrift without it... But there are times when faith oversteps it bounds. Keep the faith! --gary
Darin.McGrew@Eng.Sun.COM (Darin McGrew) (05/21/91)
Index Number: 15728
My wife has been blind since birth, and has been a Christian
since her early teens or so. Three times people have prayed for
her to receive sight, laying hands on her, etc. I didn't know
her yet the first two times, but we were already engaged by the
third time.
God says that we need to come to him the way little children
trustingly come to their parents. He also tells us that he gives
us good gifts. It is easy to come to God with an immature
attitude that says "If you love me, you'll give me ..." much the
way spoiled children manipulate their parents. It's harder to
come to God with a mature attitude that says "I know you love me,
here's what I want, and I trust you to give me what is best for
me to have."
It took a lot of prayer and Bible study for my wife to understand
(I mean really understand with all her heart) that God wasn't
rejecting her by refusing to heal her blindness. The apostle
Paul pleaded with God three times for his "thorn in the flesh" to
be removed, and in the end, God told him "My grace is sufficient
for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." This is an
encouragement to Michelle, since she has asked three times for
her sight. God is sufficient for her.
Please don't think I'm saying that we shouldn't pray. We should.
But expecting our heavenly Father to do anything we tell him to
do is presumptuous. In fact, this was one of the temptations
Satan attacked Jesus himself with.
Darin McGrew "The Beginning will make all things new,
mcgrew@Eng.Sun.COM New Life belongs to Him.
Affiliation stated for He hands us each new moment saying,
identification purposes only. 'My child, begin again....
You're free to start again.'"