SX43@liverpool.ac.uk (Fazal R Ellahi) (11/24/90)
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Title : No Sex Please, We are Muslims!
Source : MuslimWise magazine (December1989) p22.
Topic : Serious analysis of taboo on discussion of sex
in the muslim communities in Britain by a social
worker (muslimah).
Lines : 129 inc.
Contact: BM MuslimWise,
London WC1N 3XX
England, UK.
Telephone : 081-902-5968/6074 (England)
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NO SEX PLEASE, WE ARE MUSLIMS!
By Summayah Hassan.
Sex is the most taboo of words in the Muslim community. Parents abhor
the very mention of the word. Utter it and you are more likely to end up
-- if you are lucky -- with a frosty look, the result more often being a
stinging clout around the ears.
Muslim 'educationalists' treat the subject in the same manner.
But the fight against sex education has more problems than solutions. If
we say sex education as presently taught in schools is a no-go area for
young Muslims then where do they go to learn this most natural of
biological acts?
I had the customary four classes of sex education at the end of
my first year of secondary school. The experience was a strange and
hilarious one if anything. The girls making a show of being all-knowing
and trying desparately to hide their purple faces: the boys making no
bones about finding the whole thing one big laugh.
On reflection I don't think that those four classes were
educational at all -- the message being really 'better be SAFE than
sorry!'. Despite their ineffectiveness they did leave an impression, as
it was the only time (till I was much older and had the audacity to ask
outright questions) that I had an explanation of some bsic information
on the subject, and more important in how I as a woman function.
Over the last four years or so my active involvement with the
Muslim community has convinced me of the significance of this subject. It
seems that most of our problems --like that of the society at large--, if
closely analysed, relate to sex. At its most simplest we can say that
amongst Muslim men and women there is a growing misunderstanding of each
other. Essentially it is a misunderstanding based on the confusion of
roles.
While Islam has the perfect model on the relationship between a
man and a woman, most muslim men cannot claim to be particularly
concerned about the teaching of Islam on this subject. They, of course,
would prefer the situation to go on the way it is.
In the eyes of such people the role of Muslim women is
one-dimensional. Women are good at cleaning the house, cooking the food
and at motherhood. Anything else beyond this is unacceptable. Not
surprisingly, Muslim women are fed up with this situation. Having
little Islamic education, misguided by non-muslim marriage
'counsellors' and mesmerised by the illusion of western feminist ideas,
many of our sisters are understandably over-reacting to the condition.
But the more immediate sexual problem relates to our youth.
Young Muslim men and women living in a society where sex is freely
available both physically and theoretically are confused about their own
sexuality.
The community's attitude towards the subject inhibit them from
asking genuine adolescent questions about their growing bodies and
sexual development.
Instead of providing the right perspective in an understanding
and sympathetic manner parents and leaders make it seem like it's
_shirk_ to even bring up the subject.
With all avenues shut in their faces most muslim youths live in
ignorance. Their naivety about sex and its legitimate role in society
enhances thir insecurity and vulnerability.
The insensitivity and callousness with which we treat this
important subject is obnoxious. A member of a local mosque committee is,
for instance, alleged to have replied when questioned on the subject
that : 'my wife was never given any sex education and she is alright'.
According to our informant the inevitable titter followed in a
predominantly male audience.
But to belittle and laugh off the subject doesn't answer the
question : would she have benefited by being more aware of the subject ?
One doesn't need to be a community worker to know that the rate of
domestic violence, child abuse, sexual abuse, rape, single mothers,
orphaned children, and sexually transmitted diseases is on the rise in
the muslim community. At the moment we may not be the most sexually ill
community. But for how long is the situation going to last ?
An ostrich like posture is not the best of strategies. Burying
our heads in the ground only means the problem would be there longer,
getting only more acute and dangerous.
I am not advocating that we open the floodgates and delve into
sexual permissiveness. God forbid that. What I am asking initially is :
what is wrong with talking about sex?
'Sex should be discussed within the family' is the usual comment
made by our leaders / spokepersons. Fine, maybe such times existed. Today,
the percentage of those parents who are not only prepared but able to
discuss sex with their children comprise a small, almost negligible
proportion.
The irony is that sex is not taboo is Islam. The Holy Qur'an
discusses matrimonial relationships, menstruation, procreation and many
sexual related topics in a dignified and educative manner. A
compilation of Hadith in with the Prophet (PBUH) discusses sexuality
could fill several volumes.
***YET to date young muslims in Britain lack a source from which
they can learn about the Islamic viewpoint of sex and sexuality that
would at the same time take into consideration the problems and issues
prevalent in the permissive and corrupting environment in which we
live.***
It would only make sense if those engaged in the ferocious fight
against sex education put aside some of their energies in coming up with
a dynamic, viable and _'safer'_ alternative.
Summayah Hassan is _Social Affairs Editor_, MuslimWise.