kasim@ksuvax1.cis.ksu.edu (Abdul KASIM) (01/13/91)
As Salaam ALiekum!
I recently got the following article (taken from a magazine)
from a friend in England, and I thought I'd like to share it with
you. I believe it is indeed thought provoking and would be of
special interest to Muslims in the West.
Hopefully, this article would initiate some discussion , comments,
criticism etc, in this newsgroup (something that is decidedly lacking,
unfortunately..).
Regards,
--
Abdul Kasim
>>>Q: What are Muslim Women Like ? >>>
<<<A: I don't know, I've never met one ! <<<
(Insight Magazine, Glasgow.)
About eight months ago I went home to visit my parents to
announce my desire to get married. Being an 'English' Muslim of two
years standing, they knew of my Islamic Faith and had accepted my
decision about religion quite well.
ME: I've decided to get married.
PARENTS: That's wonderful ! What's her name ?
ME: (After hesitation) Well, er, I haven't got anybody specifically in
mind yet.
Silence.
ME: I'll probably have an arranged marriage.
Slight shock visible on their faces at this prospect.
ME: It's a bit like Dateline, people who are of similar background,
education, and view of life can be introduced together. If they feel
that they like each other they decide to get married.
Short pause.
PARENTS: Where is love in all this?
ME: You see in the western way of life, people fall in love and then
decide to get married. In Islam, it's the other way around. People
decide to get married and then fall in love.
Slightly_longer_pause.
PARENTS: OK, you've been a Muslim for a couple of years now, what are
Muslim women like ?
ME: Well to be honest, I've never actually met one, although I've heard
one or two on television.
Stunned_silence_followed_by_an_even_longer_pause.
PARENTS: Why on earth is that ?
This was an awkward question as I really didn't know the answer. But in
order not to appear hesitant I explained :
ME: The principle is that Islam does not advocate free mixing or
communication between sexes so that nothing untoward ever happens.
They thought carefully about this one for a few moments and then my
mother added :
PARENTS: Well we have always talked to members of the opposite sex quite
freely and nothing has ever happened. You Muslims must be sex-mad ...
--
I remember this conversation very well as it touches on one of
the controversial areas in Islam in the UK, the role of Muslim women in
society. Having spoken to many Muslims (men of course) about this
subject, I have received as many different opinions as I have asked
questions. The common denominator only appearing to be the ethnic
culture from which the interviewees come from.
When a person reverts to Islam, the very first thing that he/she
usually does is to cut most of their links with their non-Muslim friends
and society. They then immerse themselves in the Islamic community to
try and build their new-found Islamic character. This is essentially a
role playing exercise whereby new Muslims observe their Muslim friends
(of the same sex) in their day-to-day lives and how they react to life's
problems and situations. By watching and learning from their behaviour,
the new Muslim learns how to behave as a 'proper' Muslim.
Note that this explains why Da'wah begins and ends with your own
personal example and why new Muslims must be given extra attention
during their first few months in Islam.
Having the benefit of a university education (al-Hamdu lillah), I
looked forward in my early years to many long and detailed discussions
with Muslim women about Islam and Da'wah in the UK. I naively thought
that the only difference between talking to Muslim women and non-Muslim
women would be that one group would be wearing hijab. Not to be.
Although the majority of Muslim men have no qualms about talking to
non-Muslim women in this society, I very quickly learned that despite
i) everybody wearing their appropriate hijab,
ii) the meeting was to be equally mixed,
iii) The discussion content of the meeting was to be Islamic,
iv) The niyat (intention) was sincere,
-- that any idea of a meeting was barred by Muslim brothers !
Indeed after two years I have learned to be a hypocrite, to feel
'normal' in talking to non-Muslim women (whilst observing the above
rules where applicable) and yet have a deep down feeling of doing
something wrong when approaching a hijab'd figure, let along talking to
one. It's a crazy situation.
This hypocrisy is wide-spread throughout the Muslim community and
in fact it gets worse. There are some brothers and (so I'm told) sisters
who wish to totally avoid the opposite sex, fair enough and I have the
highest respect for them, but unfortunately there are many brothers who
say 'I agree with the concept of the meeting of brothers and sisters
meeting for the sake of Islam', but inside their heart add 'but as long
as MY wife doesn't get involved.'
'What is the relevance of all this rhetoric ?' you may ask. Well
during my studies, I have ended up meeting and discussing Islam with a
number of non-Muslims (usually Christians). However, I have found that
trying to give Da'wah to non-Muslim women can be very awkward as although
they were sometimes very keen to learn about women in Islam, after a
certain point all I could do was to give them a few leaflets and tell
them to go away and have a read. There were no Muslim sisters to
introduce them to. Of course there are Islamic societies and Mosques
full of good practising sisters, but how can I send someone in cold ?
To explain what I mean by cold, I will relate an incident that
happened to me when I tried to introduce a rather shy English lad I had
met to some Muslims. I had known Mark for a few months and had many
discussions with him about Islam. Eventually I decided that the time was
right to bring him into contact with some other Muslims. There was an
Islamic lecture being held at the local university and so I thought that
this would be a good opportunity. Everything was fine until we walked
into the lecture theatre and then I noticed a dramatic change in Mark,
he stopped talking, his walking faltered and he froze. The awful truth
had hit him hard. Apart from myself, his was the only 'white' face
there.
Still reeling in culture shock, he started edging his way down
the gangway. Suddenly, from the corner, a small figure homed in on us,
with flowing white beard, shalwar kamise and muttering Punjabi under his
breath. He grabbed Mark's hand and dolloped a huge green oily blob of
perfume on the back of it, which exuded the distinctive smell of
Eau-de-Lahore.
At this point I could see alarm bells ringing in Mark's head as
he nervously surveyed the green and white exit signs. To save the
situation, I gently grabbed his shoulders from behind and manoeuvred him
to a vacant seat.
The lecture was then preceded by a rousing speech by a
Palestinian brother who outlined the solution to the Palestinian problem
with specific and gruesome details as to what should be done to the
Jewish occupation forces. Mark started to look even more uncomfortable.
This was rounded off by takbir : 'Allahu Akbar, Allah Akbar' everybody
resounded. This was clearly understood by Mark to mean 'Death to
non-Muslims'.
The lecture came and went and so did Mark, never to be seen
again. The lesson I learned from this episode is : Never in any
circumstances send a non-Muslim into a group/meeting of Muslims, unless
you know who they are and the sort of things they are likely to say.
In summary, if Islam is to grow at its maximum rate in the UK, we
brothers and sisters must all work *together* for the sake of Allah
(SWT). Islam is always about Balance, having neither one extreme (total
amoral mixing and behaviour) nor the other extreme (total seclusion).
Come on brothers and sisters, lets find the right balance point.
[Cartoon depicting bashful bloke sheepishly questioning a street-lamp :
'Umm, err, excuse me - Are you a Muslim Woman ?' ]
--
########################################################################
* - everybody is somebody else's weirdo *
* : Djykstra *
* Abdul Kasim *
* Dept. of Computing & Information Sciences *
* Kansas State University O - (913) 532-6350 *
* R - (913) 776-6621 *
* e - mail: kasim@ksuvax1.cis.ksu.edu *
* *
* *
########################################################################jzubairi@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Junaid Ahmed Zubairi) (01/15/91)
=============================================== Thanks Brother Abdul Kasim for sharing a very interesting article with us. Some quick notes:(My personal suggestions. I think these are in agreement with Islamic teachings as far as I know) ** Every Muslim community must have a women's group and sisters should elect their shura. Sisters who are Shura members should have strong communications with local Ameer and shura of the Islamic Society. **Islamic workers, brothers and sisters should work "together". This "togetherness" is for Islamic work only. Brothers and sisters can meet and discuss Islamic work and all such meetings are in public and not in private. **For introducing non-Muslim women to sisters, you can approach sisters through their representatives. Junaid Zubairi
ta00est@unccvax.uncc.edu (elizabeth s tallant) (01/19/91)
Thank you for posting this article. I truly enjoyed it and found it to be quite similar to my experiences. As many of you on the net know, I am a non-Moslem with several Moslem friends ( I didn't go out to find them - it just sort of happened that way). As a Christian woman, I certainly identified with the remarks regarding Moslem men feeling comfortable talking to non-Moslem women and feeling exxxxtremely uncomfortable even in approaching Moslem women, hajib or not hajib. I have been truly disgusted with the behavior of SOME Moslem male classmates. Now, mind you some Moslem men are extremely shy and don't even look at any women when they speak. Yet, they are those who treat Christian and Jewish women with the utmost disrespect. They behave as if God put us on this earth for their perverted pleasures. They chase us, whistle at us, and torment us as no Christian man ever has. For this reason, many girls on campus are extremely prejudiced not just toward Moslems, but toward all Middle Eastern men. After these guys have finished humiliating us, they will then turn right around and treat Arab Moslem girls as if they are the most chase and pristine creatures around. Let me give you an example. My best friend was born Moslem, yet she practices Islam no more than I do. One day, a group of Moslem men were cursing terribly in my presence. One of them then asked me, "aren't you so-in-so's friend?" "Yes" I replied. "Well," he said, "People have been telling me not curse when I go into the store where she works because 'there is an Arab girl working there.'" Case and point.
bes@tybalt.caltech.edu (Behnam Sadeghi) (01/27/91)
In article <1991Jan19.064452.16917@wpi.WPI.EDU> Elizabeth S. Tallant writes: >I have been truly disgusted with the behavior of SOME Moslem male classmates. >Now, mind you some Moslem men are extremely shy and don't even look at any >women when they speak. Yet, they are those who treat Christian and Jewish >women with the utmost disrespect. They behave as if God put us on this >earth for their perverted pleasures. They chase us, whistle at us, and >torment us as no Christian man ever has. For this reason, many girls on >campus are extremely prejudiced not just toward Moslems, but toward all >Middle Eastern men. > >After these guys have finished humiliating us, they will then turn right >around and treat Arab Moslem girls as if they are the most chase and pristine >creatures around. > >Let me give you an example. My best friend was born Moslem, yet she >practices Islam no more than I do. One day, a group of Moslem men were >cursing terribly in my presence. One of them then asked me, "aren't >you so-in-so's friend?" >"Yes" I replied. >"Well," he said, "People have been telling me not curse when I go into >the store where she works because 'there is an Arab girl working there.'" >Case and point. I am sorry to hear about your personal problems with some of your "Moslem" classmates. If these people believe in Islam (which I guess they don't), what you might want to do is to remind them of the Holy Qur`an's injunction for believing men and women to cast down their gaze while meeting members of the opposite sex and to guard their modesty. If this doesn't work, maybe you can complain to your school's administration and cite them for sexual harrassment. Behnam Sadeghi
SM01@liverpool.ac.uk (SM01) (02/03/91)
In article <1991Jan27.133945.17092@nntp-server.caltech.edu>, bes@tybalt.caltech.edu (Behnam Sadeghi) says: > >In article <1991Jan19.064452.16917@wpi.WPI.EDU> Elizabeth S. Tallant writes: > > >>I have been truly disgusted with the behavior of SOME Moslem male classmates. >>Now, mind you some Moslem men are extremely shy and don't even look at any >>women when they speak. Yet, they are those who treat Christian and Jewish >>women with the utmost disrespect. They behave as if God put us on this >>earth for their perverted pleasures. They chase us, whistle at us, and Does Bible say you should love these disgusted! persons, too? >I am sorry to hear about your personal problems with some of your >"Moslem" classmates. If these people believe in Islam (which I >guess they don't), what you might want to do is to remind >them of the Holy Qur`an's injunction for believing men >and women to cast down their gaze while meeting members of the opposite >sex and to guard their modesty. If this doesn't work, maybe you can >complain to your school's administration and cite them for sexual >harrassment. > >Behnam Sadeghi As a muslim I condemn such a disgusting behaviour.