A.Waterworth@newcastle.ac.uk (A Waterworth) (01/19/90)
nick@lfcs.ed.ac.uk (Nick Rothwell) writes: >Does anybody think that sometimes couples get intimate in public to >give some kind of impression of superiority? ... Well, in the interests of exercising my cynicism gland, I tend to agree with this assessment of human behaviour. I see a lot of this kind of thing, both amongst my friends and amongst total strangers. However, it's nothing to get hassled about - if people want to parade their intimacy in front of Joe Public rather than keeping it in a darkened room with soft lights and even softer music then I guess it's their choice. One must learn to exercise a type of "professional" detachment. (Perhaps "personal" detachment might be a better way to describe it?) Well, whatever you want to call it, you should try not to be upset by other peoples' behaviour - even if it strikes deep, atonal chords within your own psyche. Having said that, when the tendency to gloom and depression in a situation such as this gets _too_ strong, I usually find that my mood can be moderated by judicious application of the thought that the perpetrators of any ongoing public smoochery will probably be having a blazing row and splitting up acrimoniously within a couple of months!! (It's probably true as well - my experience has been that people in long term relationships don't engage in open air necking anything like as much as the recently-met, starry-eyed, totally _incompatible_ young lovers brigade...) >>I think, however, that our society has taken this such an >>extreme that many of us go around starved for affection, and afraid >>to express attraction. >Absolutely. But, maybe being starved of affections just makes you >resent it more when it's seem between others, rather than go out and >do something positive about it. Right on both counts I think. However, a more common reason for someone being afraid to express attraction is the fear that they're going to get rejected out of hand or badly burned at a later date. This is completely understandable and I can't blame anyone for succumbing to their basic animal instinct to avoid pain - it's just a pity that humans, by virtue of intellect and capacity for introspection, seem to be susceptible to certain types of emotional stress to a much greater degree than almost any other species. I have a great deal of sympathy for anyone who finds themselves in this position, but the hard facts are that you just have to keep on trying. If one horse persistently throws you, you find a different one and start all over again. One day, you've got to get it right. Right? Just the rambling opinion of an outside observer... AW. (Only visiting this planet!) ______________________________________________________________________________ FROM : Adrian Waterworth. JANET : A.Waterworth@uk.ac.newcastle ARPA : A.Waterworth@newcastle.ac.uk PHONE : +44 91 222 6000 UUCP : ...!ukc!newcastle.ac.uk!A.Waterworth POST : Computing Lab. University of Newcastle upon Tyne, UK. NE1 7RU. >"I like music which sounds like a flying DeLorean being struck by lightning" "I like music which sounds like lightning being struck by a flying DeLorean"