clarinews@clarinet.com (DAVE RAFFO, UPI Sports Writer) (01/13/90)
NEW YORK (UPI) -- George Foreman is the funniest man in boxing. Watch him in the ring -- bald head, jelly belly and slow-motion movements -- and try not to laugh. Then listen to him talk -- about his age and weight, Geritol toasts and fighting Mike Tyson -- and try not to laugh. Every line is funnier than the next. Especially that bit about challenging Tyson. First, Foreman must get by Gerry Cooney Monday night at the Atlantic City (N.J.) Convention Center. Cooney, 33, is a mere lad compared to Foreman, who turns 42 a week after the bout. Although former champion Foreman has fought 19 times since his comeback began in March 1987, he has yet to meet an opponent in Cooney's class. And Cooney has not fought since he was humiliated by Michael Spinks 31 months ago. ``Two years isn't being off,'' Foreman said of Cooney. ``I was off a decade -- that's being off. If I win, every man over 40 can grab his Geritol and have a toast. I was too young to come back sooner, this is no kid's game. ``I like being old, but I'm no social drag. I can still high-step.'' Foreman, a minister in Houston, ballooned to 315 pounds before making his first comeback fight at 276. Nearly three years later, he's still a blubbery 250. ``I got down to 245 a few weeks ago, I got scared,'' Foreman said. ``I don't want to be any lower than 250. I'm trying to get some weight back on. You get all wrapped up in running and exercise and sometimes you forget to eat. ``The secret to my winning is my eating. My training table is Baskin-Robbins.'' Foreman also jokes about the caliber of his comeback opponents. He stopped the first 18, although they were almost all out of shape cruiserweights who merely ran out of gas before Foreman. ``They say I only fight guys on respirators,'' Foreman said. ``But that's not true. They have to be off the respirator eight days before I fight them.'' Is he serious about Tyson? ``I set my goal to fight for the heavyweight championship of the world,'' Foreman said. ``Tyson will be easy, Tyson will come after me. Other guys will try to outsmart me. I'm not scared of the dumb guys, only the smart ones. ``I'm not calling him literally dumb, but it would be dumb to come after me. That's like having a bird nest on the ground.'' Foreman has reason to smile these days. He has already made about $1 million on the comeback trail, and promoter Bob Arum and Caesars Hotel and Casino have guaranteed Foreman and Cooney $1 million each Monday night. Don King already offered Foreman $5 million to fight Tyson, and might have to double that if Foreman knocks out Cooney. So what if people laugh at Foreman, and call this fight ``Geezers at Caesars.'' The right people take him seriously. ``I might be a national joke, but I'm famous,'' Foreman said. Foreman certainly enjoys himself more than during his first incarnation as a boxer. When he got his kicks bouncing people like Joe Frazier and Ken Norton around, Foreman was no fun outside the ring. Then, he trained German shepherds to chase reporters away. Now, he never turns down an interview request. Mort Sharnik, an adviser to Foreman, was a sports writer when Foreman was champion in the 1970s. He has noticed a complete turnaround in Foreman. ``George is having a great time, he loves talking to everybody,'' Sharnik says. ``When I was a sports writer, I had a few bad incidents with George. I told him, `If you acted back then like you do now, you would have been the biggest thing in boxing history.' It would have been, `Muhammad who?' `Ali what?''' Foreman is especially jolly when compared to the dour Cooney. While Foreman makes jokes, Cooney lists excuses for his never having won a world championship. He lost his chances against Larry Holmes and Spinks, yet still fails to admit he deserved to lose. ``I had a battle with alcohol and drugs,'' Cooney said. ``I don't have that problem anymore. I'm healthy now. ``You're going to see a whole different Gerry Cooney. I'm 33, they say the Irish mature late.'' But Cooney doesn't sound like his problems are behind him. They are his favorite subjects. He talks of a shoulder injury and helping his brother battle alcohol and growing up in a dysfunctional family and bad management and the pressures of fighting for the heavyweight championship at a young age. ``For a young kid to be thrown into a $10 million fight with Larry Holmes in 1982, I was not ready to handle that,'' Cooney says for openers. ``People around me didn't care that much for Gerry Cooney. It takes some people longer than others to figure it out. I wish it didn't take me that long. ``I could look back and say I wish I was active and had done more things. Holmes was a great fight, things just didn't work out for me. Spinks, I don't know, I was just a defeated guy before I went in there.'' ``He had no desire to fight,'' Cooney's new trainer Gil Clancy said. ``He wasn't there.'' Pity the poor imposter who fought Spinks in Cooney's place. He got punched out in five rounds, and Cooney took home the $2.5 million paycheck. Leave it to Foreman to explain how Cooney really feels. ``He probably didn't like the way he finished with Michael Spinks, he's got to come back,'' Foreman said of Cooney. ``He couldn't live with himself. I've been through that myself. ``When I lost to Muhammad Ali, I was taking excuses out of the air: the ropes were loose, somebody put something in my soup. I wanted some excuse. Anything but `George Foreman lost.''' During Cooney's most recent retirement, he promoted two Foreman comeback bouts. Perhaps that's another reason Foreman is so happy these days: the Ring Record Book is filled with boxers who would love to punch out their former promoters. Rarely do they get the chance. The one who came closest recently was Mitch Green, who chased King out of a Madison Square Garden press conference threating to break his neck three years ago. King escaped, but Cooney can't run that fast. His only recourse Monday night is to hit Foreman back. And see if Foreman laughs. _a_d_v_ _f_o_r_ _w_e_e_k_e_n_d_s_ _j_a_n_ _1_3_-_1_4