mara@cmcl2.NYU.EDU (Mara Chibnik) (04/13/91)
In article <robert.671337676@labyrinth> uunet!infmx!robert@ncar.UCAR.EDU (robert coleman) writes: >[ ... ] The >construct we call reality is known through our *senses*, and only a >part of the input to the senses comes vicariously through >representations. Our preferred method for constructing reality is >through our personal experiences; for that which we cannot personally >experience, we accept the poor substitute of other's representations. >Thus, an abused husband believes he's been attacked even though nearly >all media representations of family life ignore the possibility (as >once they did for abused wives). I am somewhat surprised to read this. I disagree with it. That there are abused husbands who believe (correctly) that they have been attacked is certainly true, but if there were more support for the cultural notion that women can and do sometimes attack/abuse men, more abused men would be likely to recognize what has happened to them. Of course, this is also true of women. Women who have been abused and whose reality has been denied by the people around them may also have difficulty accepting that this has happened to them. Two weeks ago I mentioned to a (woman) friend that I had been mugged (we met since that time), and she replied that she, too had been mugged. In fact, she said, the mugger had held a gun to her head and demanded that she tongue-kiss him, and put his hands "where they had no business to be." (Yes, I'm quoting her directly.) As we were talking about it, I made some reference to the "sexual assault" that she had undergone. She looked at me open-eyed and said in great surprise, oh, yeah-- I guess I *was* sexually assaulted. She hadn't thought of it that way before. And the (Washington, DC) police, to whom she had reported the crime, hadn't put it in those terms, nor had the group of friends with her at the time. This was more than five years ago. The perceptions of others is a considerable influence on our reality. -- cmcl2!panix!mara Mara Chibnik mara@dorsai.com "It can hardly be coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression "As pretty as an airport." --Douglas Adams
robert@ncar.UCAR.EDU (robert coleman) (04/25/91)
panix!mara@cmcl2.NYU.EDU (Mara Chibnik) writes: >In article <robert.671337676@labyrinth> >uunet!infmx!robert@ncar.UCAR.EDU (robert coleman) writes: ->[ ... ] The ->construct we call reality is known through our *senses*, and only a ->part of the input to the senses comes vicariously through ->representations. Our preferred method for constructing reality is ->through our personal experiences; for that which we cannot personally ->experience, we accept the poor substitute of other's representations. ->Thus, an abused husband believes he's been attacked even though nearly ->all media representations of family life ignore the possibility (as ->once they did for abused wives). -I am somewhat surprised to read this. I disagree with it. That -there are abused husbands who believe (correctly) that they have -been attacked is certainly true, but if there were more support for -the cultural notion that women can and do sometimes attack/abuse -men, more abused men would be likely to recognize what has happened -to them. Our disagreement is, fortunately only a matter of semantics. My point was that a the man will recognize that he has been knifed even though the cultural representation of women contains almost no backing for this idea; whether he can then identify it under the general cultural icon of "abuse" is really a different question, and we agree. If society does not define this behavior as abuse, he's unlikely to call it abuse, but this is a matter of semantics; nobody will be able to convince him he hasn't been knifed by telling him that women don't ever abuse their husbands. His personal experience is much more powerful than his vicarious experience. Your <deleted- example is a good example of this. She knew *what* happened, but she couldn't put a name to it on her own, nor was anyone else helpful about it (until you); she never realized what we should call it. (I wonder if she felt different about it when she put a new name on it? And the police didn't name it? Sometimes you've really got to wonder where people's heads are...that's their JOB!) Robert C. -- ---------------------------------------------- Disclaimer: My company has not yet seen fit to elect me as spokesperson. Hmmpf.