lwalton@polar.bowdoin.EDU (Lisa Walton) (05/02/91)
I have to disagree with Joan Peckham's advice to her undergraduate student. Humiliating or angering one's boss is always risky, especially if you are young, new, and not well established in the company's hierarchy. I am a petite woman who always looks younger than I really am (I'm 27 and am frequently asked when I plan to graduate from college). I have faced this problem many times in both a professional/business and academic environment. I discovered (the hard way) that any show of emotion (embarrasement, anger, amusement, or even a good come-back) just encourages some men to keep it up. My best defense was to keep my cool and be very polite and professional all the time (hard to do when someone touches you or pulls your hair). If you don't react, it just isn't "fun" anymore. The other thing to be careful of is dressing and behaving properly in the office. Many young women (myself included) made the mistake of joking around with new co-workers like they were friends. Sometimes this works, other times it gives people the wrong impression. Wearing clothes that emphasize your youth can be another problem. You need to establish yourself as a serious professional, and that is unfortunately often more difficult for women than men. Sometimes there isn't anything short of creating a major fuss that will stop the harassment. At that point a woman just has to decide how important her job really is to her. It is not usually an easy choice. I have always managed to find a diplomatic solution, and I think in most cases there is one. I wish Joan's student the best of luck. Hang in there! This problem will only really be solved when more women have more positions of authority and can "change the establishment" from the inside. -Lisa Walton
tty1@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Timothy T Yuan) (05/04/91)
Actually, Tim's wife. I had this same problem once many years ago, please! just turn to your boss next time he touches you and say "This is sexual harassment and if you don't stop I'm going to file a complaint." Then laugh in his face. Don't let this go on and don't feel like you must alter your behavior or dress, it's his problem. Also follow through with the threat. I found this to be quite effective and still maintained a good friendly relationship with my boss for several years after. Good luck. Katie (tty1@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu)
scholl@uvmark.uucp (Kathryn Scholl) (05/08/91)
In article <9105012345.AA27996@polar.bowdoin.edu> lwalton@polar.bowdoin.EDU (Lisa Walton) writes: > >I discovered (the hard way) that any show of emotion (embarrasement, >anger, amusement, or even a good come-back) just encourages some men >to keep it up. My best defense was to keep my cool and be very polite I definitely agree with this approach. It works especially well with jokes. Anytime a male (or female for that matter), makes some off-colored or sexual joke, I just stare at them with no emotion whatsoever. Many times they think it "went over my head", but at least it makes them think that I'm just not into it, have no sense of humor, boring, whatever. And I don't particularly care. It gets them away from me. (..sometimes they even shrink away embarrassed, the greatest reaction of them all.) -- Kathryn Scholl ..uunet!merk!uvmark!scholl
rivero@dev8g.mdcbbs.com (05/08/91)
In article <9105012345.AA27996@polar.bowdoin.edu>, lwalton@polar.bowdoin.EDU (Lisa Walton) writes: > Hang in there! This problem will only really be solved when more > women have more positions of authority and can "change the > establishment" from the inside. > > -Lisa Walton Lisa I have been watching the "establishmentment" through my eyes, and through those of several close female friends. My observation is that, for all the talk about women "banding together to change the world" that the female in a position of power is far more ruthless than the male, even in competing with other women. I believe this tendancy has been documented in some recent studies published in Psychology Today, but confess I do NOT have a ready reference (perhaps some kind net.lander can help). I don't agree with females being discriminatory any more than I agree with males being discriminatory. Both are destructive of co-operative effort in the workplace, a much needed commodoty in the post-80's reality. Michael P.S. Working on a .sig
markh@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Mark William Hopkins) (05/11/91)
In article <1991May03.184143.65677@uvmark.uucp> scholl@uvmark.uucp (Kathryn Scholl) writes: >I definitely agree with this approach. It works especially well with >jokes. Anytime a male (or female for that matter), makes some >off-colored or sexual joke, I just stare at them with no emotion >whatsoever. Why are sexual jokes wrong? This sounds a lot like the oppressive sexual taboos of the Dark Ages (i.e. before 1964), that we've supposedly evolved away from, rearing its ugly head again ... to claim that it is self-evidently wrong. Not just wrong, but self-evidently wrong. Next, we'll be hearing that saying "thigh" and "breast" (even in reference to chicken) shall be immoral...
throop@cs.utexas.edu (David Throop) (05/12/91)
There have been several suggestions about how to deal with a boss who has become to personal and who ignores requests to desist. Having watched several friends go though this, I'd observe: No effective method is risk-free. The worker has to judge for herself whether she's dealing with a hardcore MCP or just a guy who needs some gentle guidance; she also has to judge for herself whether the company will back her up if it actually comes to a formal complaint. But there is one thing that one should *always* do, and that is to create a documentation trail. Keep a diary of offensive remarks, and of your response to them. Keep copies documentary evidence (like, if the harrassment happened in a meeting, keep a copy of the memo that announced the meeting.) Even if you don't plan to take it to court, just the fact that you have evidence which *would* stand up in court can make a difference in how the thing is handled. I recently saw a case fall apart for lack of documentary evidence. The boss had been pressuring the woman to go to bed with him for many months. She had originally told him "no" quite clearly, and he backed off and was well behaved for a couple months. Then when the harrassment started again, she had no way of substantiating the orignal, clearer harassment. When she finally did make a complaint, the only things she could solidly substantiate were either trivial or could be explained away as innocent (she might have believed they were innocent if it wasn't for the previous behavior.) So keep records. In your home, not your desk. In passing, I'd note that this is good advice for handling *any* grossly inappropriate behavior, not just sexual harassment. David Throop
scholl@uvmark.uucp (Kathryn Scholl) (05/15/91)
>In article scholl@uvmark.uucp I write: >>I definitely agree with this approach. It works especially well with >>jokes. Anytime a male (or female for that matter), makes some >>off-colored or sexual joke, I just stare at them with no emotion >>whatsoever. > >Why are sexual jokes wrong? > >This sounds a lot like the oppressive sexual taboos of the Dark Ages (i.e. I guess I meant "sexist"? Some "sexual" jokes really capture the essence of relationships, love, etc., and those, to me, are humorous. But some jokes that aren't considered "sexist" have subtle, sexist references (to me). Those are the ones that gnaw at me. Maybe this discussion has come up before, but what are the major, *and* subtle differences between "sexual" and "sexist"? Or is it simply subjective? Curious. -- Kathryn Scholl ..uunet!merk!uvmark!scholl