btong@cipc1.dayton.ncr.com (Bonnie Tong) (09/04/89)
I am writing this in response to the many postings and personal
email letters I've read about "husband as leader in marriage".
First, I want to respond to something that Dave Mielke
of Vancouver, Canada posted. I unfortunately hit the wrong key
and deleted the article.
Dave, you refered to my posting suggesting that I
may not be leading a Christian life in respect to
marriage. Well, you really don't know me or why
I feel the way I do. I will try to explain so that
you might understand. Also, you suggested that a
a woman should be willing to endure a "few years" of
abuse to serve her husband and the Lord. You are
way off base, here. No man or woman should have to
stay in an abusive marriage. For one thing, the
abusive spouse is liable to kill you. I know. I
have been there. God saved my life, my children's
life and our spiritual well being by giving me the
strength to leave. It takes far more strength to
to leave an abusive spouse than it does to stay
and subject yourself to more abuse.
You can quote the Bible, but can you listen - really
listen - to the Holy Spirit? IMHO, the Bible, which
was written thousands of years ago, did not just *stop*
being written. God lives and is still talking to us.
The Bible, or rather God's word is still being written
in the hearts and lives of women and men.
If you want to discuss this further, you may email
me and I will be happy to answer you.
Now, to all the women who have responded - not as many as I would
like to see :-) - Thank you! I want to clarify what prompted my
angry response to Jedidiah's original article, but find it
difficult to express. I am not opposed to marriage based on
mutual love, but when one partner consistantly dominates and
coerces the other, I get defensive. One should not hide behind
Bible quotes to justify deliberate and/or self-centered actions
that may cause mental and/or physical abuse to their spouse.
Also, one should not feel guilty about (or be made to feel
guilty about) removing oneself and children from harm's way.
God hears prayer, but sometimes you've got to put "legs" on
your prayers and move towards Him by taking action.
Catherine (aka meow), I liked your explanation of gender vs soul.
It expressed in better terms how I feel. I use it now to
illustrate my point in religious discussions in church and elsewhere.
Thank you very much.
In regards to a leader in marriage, I still say it is an equal
partnership and if a decision can not be made - put it on hold
until a comprimise can be worked out. If true love is there it
would not be "submission" in marriage (decision making in said
marriage) but mutual understanding. I think a good spouse would
not think for one second of *ever* making a decision without
his/her partner's agreement. I think a Christian man would not
use quotes from the Bible to ease his conscience, when he knows
down in his soul what the Spirit is telling him.
To all readers of this group, thank you for taking the time to
listen to my rantings and ravings. Sometimes that is all a
person needs to get on the right path... a little understanding
mixed with a gentle disagreement occasionally. It's how we
learn and grow.
God bless you all.
--
Bonnie Tong "Lord, make my words sweet and tender
Bonnie.Tong@Dayton.NCR.COM today, for tomorrow I may have to
...!uunet!ncrlnk!cipc1!btong eat them." --unknownbtong@cipc1.dayton.ncr.com (Bonnie Tong) (09/07/89)
A correction for my other article. Since reading other articles in this group, I want to make a correction to a person I refered to. The name should be Dave Mielke of Ontario, Canada - not Dave Mielke of Vancouver. I apologize for the mistake. Bonnie J. Tong -- Bonnie Tong "Lord, make my words sweet and tender Bonnie.Tong@Dayton.NCR.COM today, for tomorrow I may have to ...!uunet!ncrlnk!cipc1!btong eat them." --unknown
thompson@athos.rutgers.edu (Marge Thompson) (09/07/89)
Three cheers for you Bonnie!!. I am a very happily married lady and let me assure you and anyone else who cares, had I married a man who abused me in any way, I would leave faster than you could say "Jack Rabbit". I don't believe our Lord meant any word resembling the word abuse when it comes to people living together as man and wife. Just because you took your vows in a Christian Church and thererfore should follow the word of God throughout your married life doesn't mean that God now says to us "ok guys, you are on your own". If either partner is abused in marriage, they should obviously turn to God for strength and instruction to know what to do next. I know because I have asked God for instruction, not in marriage matters but other matters and he speaks to me in so many ways....mostly thru my daily prayer book, entitled DAILY WORD...but He also clues me into his instructions via actions, via talking with others,etc. I once told the "kid next door" who is a born-again Christian, that God gives us all the instructions and instruments to use to make our world better and he expects us to use them and not be so narrow-minded to think that the only way we get instruction is from the bible. He wants us to see the end of the forest between the trees. In Deu.30:11-14 he tells us that his command is not too difficult to follow. We do nothave to have someone bring it to us and the last line seems to sum it all up..."you know it and can quote it, so obey it". Marriage is indeed an equal partnership - God has given us the rules and all we need to do is follow them and obeythem and the right decisions will come to both partners in a marriage. To Chris Hassell: Chris, it all boils down to understanding again. Sit down and communicate. I am not saying that in my 31 years of marriage, my husband and I have not argued. Arguing is healthy for the soul and body. It clears the air. But, we listen to each other, we are sympathetic to the needs of each other, and we work together to fulfill those needs. BTW, one of the first rules in our marriage was never to go to bed mad at each other. We sat up only twice during the 31 years all nite to discuss, debate, give each other insight, pray, and finally make a decision both of us could live with. We finally got to bed at 5:30 in the morning, slept for an hour and got up and went to work happy. We have given those instructions to many young couples, and those who have followed them, have succeeded in their marriage to date. We have a favorite saying in our house, "You learn from experience, but sometimes you must listen to the experienced to learn". God has given us all instructions but it seems to me that this entire discussion about marriage is because people want to read into it what they are personally feeling perhaps in their own lives or in the lives of those with whom they have a close relationship. I myself have read into it what I felt I wanted to read. Believe me when I tell you Genesis 2:24 has been the rule of our home since June 22, 1958. We have followed it and continue to follow it. We are one with each other. Praise God for He is certainly good to us. God did not make man to spend the days alone.....He made woman so that man would have a partner, and what is a partner. According to Webster, a partner is "one that shares" and further down the list "husband, wife". In Christian love.... Marge Thompson