[soc.religion.christian] Sex before marriage question

beatle@sentry.larc.nasa.gov (Teresa Nicholls) (07/02/90)

A girlfriend of mine is teaching young people (approx. 11-14,15) in a 
Sunday school class. She is a college graduate, and is 23 yrs old, living
on her own. She got into teaching that sex before marriage is wrong, they
were on that particular theme and she got asked if she was a virgin. How
do you think she should have answered the question? She didnt know what to
say and we had different ideas on how she should answer. Please reply to
me directly, as I dont subscribe to this list.

Thanks,
Teresa

53iss6.waterloo.ncr.com (07/05/90)

In article <Jul.2.00.52.58.1990.10672@athos.rutgers.edu> you write:
>A girlfriend of mine is teaching young people (approx. 11-14,15) in a 
>Sunday school class. She is a college graduate, and is 23 yrs old, living
>on her own. She got into teaching that sex before marriage is wrong, they
>were on that particular theme and she got asked if she was a virgin. How
>do you think she should have answered the question? She didnt know what to
>say and we had different ideas on how she should answer. Please reply to
>me directly, as I dont subscribe to this list.
>
>Thanks,
>Teresa


The best response that I can come up with at this moment is related to her
freedom of privacy... how about "Well, I could answer your question, but if I
was not a virgin, then everyone would think I was being a hypocrit, instead of
just a human who can make mistakes. This is something that is private... God
knows whether I am or not and he is the only one we need to impress"....

or something along those lines. You see even if she is a virgin, why should she
share intimate secrets with others, even to prove a point? The children
of course are being typically mischievious. If they respect her and she says
she is not a virgin, then they are given the message to go ahead themselves;
in addition there  will be the game of " who was she with " for a while. If
they don't respect her and she says she is a virgin, it won't matter, and if
she  is not, it will just re-inforce their disrespect.

What it all boils down to is it is none of their business, but how you say that
will be extremely important.


-- 
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[I think it depends a lot on the nature of the class.  I can imagine
situations where matters of this kind of discussed, and where the
teacher should be willing to take about matters that are sensitive for
them just as the students are.  But that is not the typical Sunday
school situation.  --clh]

max@mthvax.cs.miami.edu (Max Southall) (07/08/90)

Teresa Nicholls <beatle@sentry.larc.nasa.gov> asked:

>A girlfriend of mine is teaching young people (approx. 11-14,15) in a 
>Sunday school class. She is a college graduate, and is 23 yrs old, living
>on her own. She got into teaching that sex before marriage is wrong, they
>were on that particular theme and she got asked if she was a virgin. How
>do you think she should have answered the question? She didnt know what to
>say and we had different ideas on how she should answer. 
> - Teresa

In response to Teresa's question, the following
message has been received from our site in Toronto, 
from yunexus!mator!bhadland (Bev Hadland) ...
Bev is the director of Straight Talk Youth Counselling.

SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE

In answer to your query ... The Bible says that the truth sets people
free.  We are told not to lie.  If the teacher does not answer the question
to which she strongly promotes an ideal to the young people, she will lose
their respect and they will think the worse of her past.  If she is a virgin,
the teacher has nothing to worry about and can encourage those that are
still virgins to continue that way.  With wisdom and compassion, she
can share secondary virginity.  If she is not a virgin and preaching that
premarital sex is wrong, she definitely should be living that lifestyle
now.  One can share briefly that they made some mistakes in their past
and thank God that He forgives and she can start again.  Emphasis should
be made that restoration takes time.  Forgiveness is instant but the
consequences of breaking God's laws can have lifelong ramifications.
If she was sexually abused, she can still proudly say that she has never
given herself to any man.  She may not feel that is the time to talk
about the sexual abuse.  Saying she never gave herself to a man is not
a lie.  Sexual abuse is just that....abuse....theft and defraud.

>From my personal experiences, one should NEVER preach or teach in an
area that has not been worked through in ones own life.  That young
teacher was asking for it when she took it upon herself to teach
chastity.  It is natural that young teens will ask her about her
life.  One only has the RIGHT to teach God's truths to others as we
ourselves are willing to live them and testify to His ways.

I can talk about chastity to teens because I am willing to share
my own pain and also because I am living that kind of lifestyle
now.  One has to walk the walk if we want to talk the talk.

Love Bev

mike@turing.cs.unm.edu (Michael I. Bushnell) (07/08/90)

In article <Jul.2.00.52.58.1990.10672@athos.rutgers.edu> beatle@sentry.larc.nasa.gov (Teresa Nicholls) writes:

   A girlfriend of mine is teaching young people (approx. 11-14,15) in a 
   Sunday school class. She is a college graduate, and is 23 yrs old, living
   on her own. She got into teaching that sex before marriage is wrong, they
   were on that particular theme and she got asked if she was a virgin. How
   do you think she should have answered the question? She didnt know what to
   say and we had different ideas on how she should answer. Please reply to
   me directly, as I dont subscribe to this list.


In my humble opinion, she has no business teaching the class if she
will not be open and honest about her experience.  By bringing up the
question of sexual ethics, she is obligated to respect the students
enough to answer their questions.  

If she is going to teach that premarital sex is wrong, then she needs
to explain that people can, nontheless, make mistakes.  A live person
in front of the kids may easily be the best example.  If she doesn't
believe that premarital sex is actually wrong when it comes to her
decisions, then (depending on the attitude of the church in such
matters) she should decline to discuss the subject, or teach *her*
opinions honestly.

People that age need to be treated with respect.  If she wants a power
kick then she should get out of teaching.  She needs to earn her
respect, and she will do that by being honest.

At this point, she has several options, obviously depending on her
virginity:

If she is a virgin, she can either state that plainly or resort to the
first option below.

If she is not a virgin, the following options apply:

1: 
  Refuse to answer the question on the grounds that it is a private
matter.  Not a good idea.  First, the kids will not leave it at that.
If she's not a virgin, then she is trying to cover up her mistakes
while admonishing others to avoid them.  This is unbearably close to
hypocracy.  If she is a virgin, then she is planting doubts in the
kids minds.

2:
  State she is not a virgin, explain the circumstances of the
"transgression", and explain why she feels it is wrong now.

3: 
  Pretend the situation never came up by ignoring further inquiries.


When we discuss moral questions, we need to be willing to be frank and
honest, *especially with children*.  If you cannot bear to look the
fool in front of your "inferior" then get out of the business of
helping kids grow up.
--
    Michael I. Bushnell      \     This above all; to thine own self be true
LIBERTE, EGALITE, FRATERNITE  \    And it must follow, as the night the day,
   mike@unmvax.cs.unm.edu     /\   Thou canst not be false to any man.
        CARPE DIEM           /  \  Farewell:  my blessing season this in thee!

tas@uunet.uu.net (Theresa Snider) (07/10/90)

In article <Jul.2.00.52.58.1990.10672@athos.rutgers.edu> you write:
>A girlfriend of mine is teaching young people (approx. 11-14,15) in a 
>Sunday school class. She is a college graduate, and is 23 yrs old, living
>on her own. She got into teaching that sex before marriage is wrong, they
>were on that particular theme and she got asked if she was a virgin. How
>do you think she should have answered the question? She didnt know what to
>say and we had different ideas on how she should answer. Please reply to
>me directly, as I dont subscribe to this list.
>
>Thanks,
>Teresa

She should answer in truth, "Let your yes, mean Yes, and your no, mean No."
If she would have to answer yes, she would have to explain that what she has
done was wrong, and has asked for forgiveness and refrained from doing it
again.

Teaching sometimes gives us a very good chance to examine our lives...
We try to teach things that perhaps we have failed at, but we can repent
and God can use us to help others to not do the mistakes that we have  
done.

I'm glad your friend is teaching that fornication is wrong...in today's
world, sin is becoming an "acceptable" thing, and not many people are
willing to take a stand and teach what is right in God's sight.


God bless,
Theresa

ckp@grebyn.com (Checkpoint Technologies) (07/13/90)

In article <Jul.2.00.52.58.1990.10672@athos.rutgers.edu> you write:
>A girlfriend of mine is teaching young people (approx. 11-14,15) in a 
>Sunday school class. She is a college graduate, and is 23 yrs old, living
>on her own. She got into teaching that sex before marriage is wrong, they
>were on that particular theme and she got asked if she was a virgin. How
>do you think she should have answered the question? She didnt know what to
>say and we had different ideas on how she should answer. Please reply to
>me directly, as I dont subscribe to this list.
>
>Thanks,
>Teresa
>

Just because a person asks you a question, it does not oblige you to answer
it.  Many times, when the Pharasees were trying to trap Jesus, he would not 
answer them directly.  How you respond to a question depends on the
sincerity of the questioner, and how God's will might be most perfectly
manifested in your answer.  I think it would be perfectly OK to say:

"What I have or have not done in my life is not important.  What is
important is that we each strive to do God's will in every moment."

Of course, if you feel the audience would benefit from it, and you have
in fact sinned, the confession of the sin could also be used friutfully
in bringing souls closer to God.

With Faith, the Holy Spirit will fill your mouth with the appropriate
words.

chris

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