pruss@ria.ccs.uwo.ca (Alexander Pruss) (02/16/91)
1.
Mortify your senses; opening your eyes do not look. Think of thought or
do not think. Look around, with unseeing eyes. Then look around without
eyes. You are. Your senses are mortified, you are in darkness. You do
not see; you do not reason. But you are. You are not through yourself.
Look without eyes and see that you are not through yourself but through
Another. Yet most indisputably you are.
2.
But how small you are, you who though you undisputably are, are through
Another. How much greater that Source of your being. How much more is
this Source. You are through this Other, and without this other you are
not. You still only see; you do not think. This is well. You see that
this Other you could never think of, for this Source is incommensurable
with the organ of thought that you see in your mind.
3.
Now turn your inner sight to yourself, and see. See that all you see is
from the Other. See that you are, and that you are rational and free.
See how that Other being the Source and being of itself, and not through
anything, is most perfect and how to be free you must bind yourself to this
Other. See that it is only in the Source that you truly are, and that all
else is darkness. Yet you are seeing through inner eyes, your intellect
and your senses mortified and unseeing. Look, a soul flutters like a
butterfly in this hunk of flesh that is you. Examine it closely, for it
is you. Yet how is it that you examine, when you think not and see not?
You see the soul and see that it examines nothing, but only is, but even
this being comes from Another. See how this soul and this body that so
precariously are, their very being coming from another, are not fully.
See how your soul can choose, and how it has chosen wrongly, and is not
fully for how can it be fully when it has chosen to be unlike the Other
through which it is?
4.
Your thoughts may rebel, your senses seethe. Quiet them; you have dominion
over them, though you see that they are not yours, but that all is of the
Other. See perhaps how other souls move your soul and how your soul moves
itself to be unlike the Other. See how it inches to nothingness. Now
you see how useless it is to resist. How foolish. How wrong. You see what
wrong is, your thoughts perhaps make note of it as in a notebook, "Saw Wrong,
it was nothing, but a turning away from Being." You will try more to be.
5.
Now look at the Other and see. See how the Other simply is, and is simple.
See how the other is dark to your thought, and you are with this Source in
a place of darkness where your senses do not see, your thoughts do not think,
but tenuously are. Then look and see how it is that you examine without
using your thoughts and senses: you see not through your self but through
the self of the Other. This Other lets sight be given to you that you may see.
See your being proceed from this Other, see your sight proceed from this Other.
6.
Yet, you have turned away from being. But this Being did not turn away from
you, for you see through the eyes of this Being. How was it that you turned
your eyes towards this Being if you were moving away from it? Your thoughts
may rebel again, and subdue them by showing them that they are irrelevant,
for they cannot see. What you see, it is you who sees and not your eyes nor
your thoughts. Look and see. See how all your desires are in This that you
see. This That Is. See how it is that although you did turn away, and head
elsewhere, your thoughts and senses leading you away from Sight, you are
turned back. See how you never turned back to see, but instead Someone
turned you. See how this Someone is your Sight and the Source.
7.
Now, look and see. See how only One like you could turn you, for how can
one not like you move you, One who is incommensurable with you. See how it
is that the Source nor the Sight will not move you unless you desire it, for
you are free, although you bind yourself. See how then since you did not
turn, and the Source nor the Sight would come until called, Someone called
them to you. Yet see how it is that it could not be the Source nor the
Sight that called, so this Someone differs from them as the Source differs
from the Sight. By calling in your name, see how this Someone was like
unto you, yet was perfect else this Someone would not see to call, and
thus this Someone was like enough to you to call instead of you and yet
filled with the Source and the Sight through Himself, for else he could not
see enough to move Himself to call. See how the calling for you is becoming
like you, for it is you who should call.
8.
Open your eyes wider. The inner eyes. See that there are other souls.
See how some of these other souls turned away from the Other. This Other
that you know to be Sight and Source. See how that same Someone that
called instead of you, called instead of them. This Someone was like to
all of these souls, and yet like to the Other. Observe that this Someone
is the Other, like the Sight and Source, and that this Someone when calling
was a soul.
9.
Your thoughts rebel. Your senses seethe. A soul that you see is blind
pushes against you, and makes your thought rebel. You turn your eyes to
the Other, the Sight, Source, and Someone. Through the Sight, you who
are through the Source, see the Someone. You see how through the Sight
the Source sees the Someone. Yet you saw the Other was simple, so they
are one. Your body trembles. You look around and you see other souls
that Someone spoke for, and you see that they too stand looking.
10.
You look down upon your body, and see how it fits your soul, and how it
does not. You look at your soul, and see how it fits the Other and
how it does not. You are lifted. You are in darkness, little thought
can see. In a glimmer, as time is lifted away, you see this Someone being
punished for your turning away, making this call for you, and in this call
giving proof that you wish to see. But all this passes. Now you only
see souls that are fully, yet are not the Source, but have come as close
to Sight, filled with it, as they can without being the Other. But they
too become small, and all you see is the Other, the Source, Sight and the
Someone who called.
11.
You see that the Source is the Sight. The Someone is the Sight. The Source
is the Someone. You see one Other, but you see that to you there is Sight,
Source and Someone. You are filled with the Sight, Source and the Someone
is in you. Then you see darkness, great darkness, that you do not have
Sight enough to penetrate. You return, your thoughts awaken. Your thoughts
and senses are confused, do not know quite what you saw. Yet you they know
that you did not see all there was. You know you saw almost nothing. You
will come again to see again. The notebook that your thoughts are make a
note, "You see through the Holy Spirit, are through the Father, and call
through the Son."
May the Other let you see.
References: God, "The Holy Scriptures."
St. John of the Cross, "Ascent of Mount Carmel."
Father Borst, "Contemplative Prayer."
Alex Pruss.