billy@tcom.stc.co.uk (Billy Khan) (03/19/91)
Having been a christian for a while now and after surviving a period of back-sliding earlier this year I learn;t something that really meant a great deal to me, and taught me about myself. It showed me that God knows me a lot better than I do. I had come to the point in my life where I was begining to doubt my faith. I kept saying and praying for God to show me a wonderful sign so that I could believe in him again. God declined of course (atleast at that time) because that would not have made my faith real. I would go along to healing services, merely hoping to see somebody miraculously jump out of a wheel-chair or something. When i was praying for sick people I wanted them to be healed because it would make me believe. Needless to say, they weren't. This made me even worse as time went on, until I started dispairing thinking God had given up on me. Then it clicked. I was being motivated by my own SELFISHNESS. Under the pretence of helping others I was thinking only of myself. So I got down on my knees and prayed, apologizing to God for the wasted months, saying sorry for looking at myself rather than him. And... he set me free. Now I'm not going to say that I immediately prayed and thousands of people were miraculously healed, but that night I prayed for a friend (she had a severe migraine) and God removed the pain, just like that. I know that pray was only answered because I was motivated by care(love) and not by selfishness. Love is really the opposite of selfishness. Like Jesus said, a while back. 'Its a bad generation that looks for a sign.' Its true, and I was just as guilty as the Pharisees and Saducees. Jesus doesn't want us to look for signs (and this includes the 'end of the world' syndrome), he wants us to live by faith (which is trust in something we do not see). Be wary of selfishness, it took me three months to realise I was. Do examine your life, because it does separate you from God. Peace, mercy and Love be yours in abundance. Drew.