ta00est@unccvax.uncc.edu (elizabeth s tallant) (11/08/90)
Here is a response to the request for some good, clean jokes. This joke comes from C. Goodrum (who will no doubt read this posting). One Sunday, a young preacher just out of seminary went to fill in for the preacher at a country church way out in the sticks. His sermon was on brotherly love, and the preacher frequently made comparison citations from Greek text. After the sermon, a member of the congregation said to the preacher, "That sermon was good, and you can study Greek all that you want to on your time, but when you're preaching here, we prefer to stick to the original King James version."
credmond@watmath.waterloo.edu (Chris Redmond) (11/09/90)
If we are going to get into preacher-and-sermon jokes, here's a story (supposedly true) from 19th century Canada, when Presbyterians -- many of them first-generation emigrants from Scotland -- took their "kirk" very, very seriously. It seems that the young minister preached his sermon on the familiar text from Revelation 3:20: Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him. And after the service, the elders came up to have a word with the young man. "That was a verrry fine sermon, verrry fine," said the oldest of them. "And a verrry fine text, too, young man. But for our taste here, the second half of it is just a leeetle too Methodist." [Anybody require an explanation of the difference between Presbyterian-Calvinist theology, with its emphasis on God's sovereignty, and Methodist-Arminian theology, with its emphasis on the human response?] CAR credmond@watmath [Another joke on the same text. A preacher went to call on a member of his congregation. He saw movement in the apartment, so he knew someone was there, but no one would answer the door. He left a note saying "Rev 3:20." The next Sunday, a woman came up to him and handed him a note saying "Gen 3:10". Presumably he had come at a bad time... --clh]
oracle@eleazar.dartmouth.edu (Brian T. Coughlin) (11/10/90)
Hello, all!
Seeing as how Christian humour is coming into vogue, I thought I'd
post this oldie-but-goodie that I heard at a retreat in Wisconsin:
Late one night, a burglar was sneaking into a very wealthy home, which
happened to have its front door unlocked. Chuckling at his fortune, the
burglar sneaked through the door, and prepared to burgle. :)
Through the front door, the burglar started sneaking down the long,
echo-prone hallway toward the study, where he knew a safe was kept. But
in mid-sneak, he heard a tiny voice echo through the hall, saying:
"Jesus sees you, and I see you."
The burglar jumped and looked around, but saw no one. He scratched
his head, looked about one last time, and then continued on, dismissing
the event as some sort of weird echo-effect of the hallway.
At the door to the study, the burglar took out his lock-picking
set and began to work at the study door. Soon, the burglar heard the
satisfying *click* of the lock un-locking, and he opened the door to
sneak in, only to be met again by a tiny voice, which said:
"Jesus sees you, and I see you."
The burglar looked around in bewilderment, nonplussed. This was weird.
He looked into the dimly-lit study (the master of the house had left his
desk-lamp on!), and then back into the hall, but no one was to be seen.
He cleared his ears out with his finger, and shook his head, resolving
to get plenty of rest tonight and get his hearing checked after his escape
to Brazil. Walking through the doorway, he spied the safe next to the
desk, and he quickly sneaked over to start his attempt at cracking it.
Right before he started turning the safe dial, a tiny voice called
from right behind him:
"Jesus sees you, and I see you."
Jumping and turning around, the burglar turns to see a graceful,
suspended bird cage, in which sat a large, colorful parrot, which said
again:
"Jesus sees you, and I see you."
The burglar stood for a moment, then burst out laughing so hard that
he sank down to the floor, leaning against the desk and guffaw-ing, but
only to stop, dumbfounded, at the sight of two gleaming eyes under the
bird cage... which were attached to a very large, very mean-looking
Doberman with gleaming, white teeth. The parrot flapped its wings in its
cage and squawked out in its small voice:
"Sic'em, Jesus!!"
----
Take care!
Sincerely, Brian Coughlin
oracle@eleazar.dartmouth.edukaldis@remus.rutgers.edu (11/12/90)
> [Another joke on the same text. A preacher went to call on a member > of his congregation. He saw movement in the apartment, so he knew > someone was there, but no one would answer the door. He left a note > saying "Rev 3:20." The next Sunday, a woman came up to him and handed > him a note saying "Gen 3:10". Presumably he had come at a bad time... ^^^^^^^^ > --clh] The way I heard it, it was a newlywed couple he called on, and the response scripture was Gen. 4:1 :-) -- Theodore A. Kaldis | "Perhaps we may +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- | frighten away email: kaldis@remus.rutgers.edu | the ghost of so UUCP: {...}!rutgers!remus.rutgers.edu!kaldis | many years ago U.S. Snail: [the P.O. box has gone away] | with a little ex-Ma Bell: (908) 283-4855 (voice) | illumination . . ." [the phone is soon to follow, as I will soon depart for California]
kaldis@remus.rutgers.edu (11/12/90)
Old one: As the pastor was greeting the people as they were leaving
church one Easter morning, one man said to him,
"Reverend, you must really like flowers in this church."
"Oh, why do you say that?" asked the pastor.
"Because every time I come here, you either have lilies or
poinsettas set up."
--
Theodore A. Kaldis | "Perhaps we may
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- | frighten away
email: kaldis@remus.rutgers.edu | the ghost of so
UUCP: {...}!rutgers!remus.rutgers.edu!kaldis | many years ago
U.S. Snail: [the P.O. box has gone away] | with a little
ex-Ma Bell: (908) 283-4855 (voice) | illumination . . ."
[the phone is soon to follow, as I will soon depart for California]reddy@mips.com (T.S. Reddy) (11/13/90)
I've already posted this to rec.humor.funny, but I think that it would be
appropriate here too.
This Christian had been thrown to the lions. The gates opened and
out walked a hungry-looking lion. Upon entering the arena, the lion
dropped to it's knees and started praying. The man, amazed, fell to
his knees too and exclaimed, "Thank God, another Christian". To which
the lion replied "I don't know about you, but I'm saying Grace".
--
T.S.Reddy
e-mail: reddy@mips.comleanne@mips.com (Eliz. Leanne Lopez-Aguado) (11/14/90)
In article <Nov.13.04.06.08.1990.937@athos.rutgers.edu> reddy@mips.com (T.S. Reddy) writes: >I've already posted this to rec.humor.funny, but I think that it would be >appropriate here too. > cute joke deleted >-- >T.S.Reddy >e-mail: reddy@mips.com I don't know about anybody else, but I really enjoy these jokes. thanks leanne
daved@westford.ccur.com (508-392-2990) (11/29/90)
(This one may be funnier if you've read some Tillich or Bultmann)
"Jesus said,
Who do men say that I am?
And they answered,
You are the eschatological manifestation of
the ground of our being, the kerygma in which
we find the ultimate hermeneutic of our inter-
personal relationships.
And Jesus said,
What?!?"
Dave Davis Broken pipes, broken tools,
These are my opinions alone. people bending broken rules
daved@westford.ccur.com Hound dog howlin', bullfrog croakin'
{harvard,uunet,petsd}!masscomp!daved Everything is broken (B. Dylan)
QOTD:
"Rationalism appreciates argument and theory and verification by
experience. But this decision for rationalism cannot in its own
turn be justified by argument and experience. Although it can be
discussed, its rests ultimately on an irrational decision, on faith
in reason. And this decision for reason is not a purely intellectual
but a moral decision. It influences our whole attitude to other human
beings and to the problems of social life. It is closely linked to a
faith in the rational unity of man, in the value of every man."
Karl Popper.
[And to fairly consistent experience of lights coming on when we flip
the light switch. --clh]ta00est@unccvax.uncc.edu (elizabeth s tallant) (06/15/91)
One day, a man had the rare opportunity to talk the Lord.
Man: Lord, people say that you are so mighty and so great, that to
you, a million years is like a second and a million dollars
is like a single cent.
Lord: Yes, that is so.
Man: Lord?
Lord: Yes?
Man: Give me a penny.
Lord: In a second.