miker@sri-unix (07/08/82)
The Intelligent Human's Guide To Cow's and Politics
The political turmoil of recent times may have left many
Salterrae readers in confusion as to just what the meanings are
of all those "-isms" that are bandied about by people who know
something about politics. As usual, Salterrae comes to the
rescue, with the aplomb so characteristic of this learned journal.
It's quite simple, really -- politics means cattle, and cattle
means politics. Taking that as our text, Salterrae herewith
presents a streamlined, simplified analysis of the political
spectrum which tells you all you need to know to hold your own
in any political discussion. No bull.
SOCIALISM - You have two cows. Give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM - You have two cows. Give them both to the government.
Government gives you milk.
FASCISM - You have two cows. Give milk to government.
Government sells it.
NAZISM - Government shoots you and takes cows.
NEW DEALISM - Government shoots one cow, milks the other and
pours milk down the sink.
CAPITALISM - Sell one cow. Buy bull.
ANARCHISM - Keep cows. Shoot government. Steal another cow.
CONSERVATISM - Embalms cows. Freeze milk.
LIBERALISM - Give milk back to cows. Let them escape.