baumgart@esquire.dpw.com (The Phantom) (10/24/89)
HALLOWEEN 5
[Spoilers]
A film review by baumgart@esquire.dpw.com
Copyright 1989 baumgart@esquire.dpw.com
The Phantom has had some requests for a plot synopsis for HALLOWEEN 5.
Normally, he just reviews films and leaves the spoilers to Siskel and Ebert,
but since he's always eager to accommodate his phans, here's a brief outline.
When we last left Michael, he was at the bottom of a big hole in the
ground, having been shot 20 or 30 times by the local law. But is he dead?
Well, even the second-graders sitting near the Phantom Friday night knew
Michael wasn't *really* dead. After seeing 5 minutes of HALLOWEEN 4 to set up
the scene (a formula stolen from the "Friday the 13th" series, wherein for each
F, where F is the current film, the first five minutes of F are equal to the
last five minutes of (F - 1)), we see that he escapes, only to return to
attempt to kill his niece Jamie (who is now institutionalized after having
killed her stepmother at the end of HALLOWEEN 4) and everyone around her.
Jamie spends most of the first half of the film in bed, unable to speak
because of the trauma she suffered at the hands of Michael (it was he who made
her kill her stepmom -- that's of course how we should all have known he was
still alive). Donald Pleasence is still around, too, looking much the worse
for wear. He implores Jamie to help him stop Michael, but she refuses, and
instead writes things like "He's coming" on her blackboard and generally acts
thoroughly possessed. Why won't Jamie help the good doctor? Well, as it turns
out, she still has mixed feelings about her uncle; after all, even though he's
a quasi-human mass murderer, he's still family. But this doesn't come out
until the end of the film, after any sort of plot subtleties have been long
forgotten.
During the course of the first half to two-thirds of the film, Michael
manages to dispatch a half-dozen random people, mostly friends of Jamie's
sister (who he also gets). Jamie's sister is notable for spending about five
minutes in and out of a shower and a towel, but the Phantom was disappointed to
note that there's no almost no nudity in the film at all. Indeed, there's very
little gore, either, although the lack of nudity surprised the Phantom since
although gore costs money, nudity is free. After the five-minute tease, she's
quickly dispatched, and it's on to the next.
Jamie still has a telepathic link of some sort with Michael, still sees
his murders, and even directs the police to a gas station in time to save
Jamie's sister's friend from Michael's unkind hands. But it's not until the
film is almost over that she agrees to help trap Michael so that he can be
killed once and for all.
Meanwhile, we are treated to glimpses of a tall stranger dressed all in
black who wears cowboy boots. He steps off a bus about half way through the
film, and reappears every now and then, but he really has nothing at all to do
with the proceedings until the very end. But we all see that he has the same
tattoo on his wrist as Michael has on his wrist.
Things wind up at a farm somewhere, which allows the film to rehash the
barn scene from FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (possibly 3, although the Phantom is
still recovering from his 3-D induced headache). In any case, it's not nearly
as good, but it does give the film an excuse to waste an inordinate amount of
time on false alarms and to show us two youngsters getting ready for a roll in
the hay (but again, sorry guys, there's nothing to see).
Finally everyone who isn't already dead winds up in the meadow and the
doctor implores Michael to go home, because only there will he be able to rid
himself of his rage (a gratuitous New Age touch). At this point in the film,
going home was indeed on the Phantom's mind, but he stuck it out to the bitter
end.
The cast reconvenes at the place where it all began, and everyone hunkers
down to wait for Michael to come and try to kill his niece (she's the bait, of
course). The whole police force is there, although it doesn't occur to anyone
that guns haven't had a great effect on Michael in the past 12 years, and that
they're unlikely to have any effect now that we're into the third sequel.
Michael arrives eventually, kills some cops, beats up Pleasence (a smattering
of applause was heard for that), and goes after Jamie. The hide and seek
scenes with Jamie are fairly well done and by the end, when Jamie is trapped in
the attic, we see the results of Michael's carnage, displayed artfully around
the room. Jamie is forced into a coffin (one Michael dug up especially for
her), and just when Michael is about to kill her he's stopped by her cry of
"Uncle!" Well, the Phantom thought it was funny, even if it went over the
heads of the second-graders in the audience.
Jamie asks that she be allowed to see his face, and she does, but alas, we
don't. We do see that Michael has black hair, and that he's a sensitive guy,
since he sheds a tear when Jamie says, "We're just the same."
But of course they're not, since Jamie is a nine-year-old girl and Michael
is knife-wielding maniac; once he realizes this he gets back down to business
and the chase continues.
Jamie escapes, and Michael is finally tricked by the still-not-dead
Pleasence and is, incredibly, taken into custody and put into a cell.
Phans, if you *do* see this movie, even against the Phantom's best advice,
please leave the auditorium or switch off your VCR at this point. It's best
just to assume that Michael will be back next year and not to worry too much
how.
What happens is that the mysterious stranger in the cowboy boots walks
into the jail and shoots all the cops Terminator-style (we see only the
aftermath, alas), and springs Michael.
Then the movie ends.
As the Phantom has said, it's a bit of a letdown.
But truthfully, the Phantom's rating of 1 star still stands, no matter how
bad he's made the film seem here. HALLOWEEN 5, for all its faults is better
than the last couple of "Friday the 13th"s, although this certainly isn't
saying much...
: The Phantom
: baumgart@esquire.dpw.com
: {cmcl2!esquire}!baumgart