lmann@jjmhome.UUCP (Laurie Mann) (01/04/91)
KINDERGARTEN COP
A film review by Laurie Mann
Copyright 1990 Laurie Mann
If you're looking for a fun movie, you can't do much better than
KINDERGARTEN COP. No, it isn't brain surgery, but it's a funny,
well-paced movie that pits Arnold Schwarzenegger against murderers and
kindergarteners.
The movie opens in a mall in LA where John Kimball (Arnie) is
trailing a hoodlum. Said hoodlum shoots a man, which Kimball misses,
but a friend of the man sees it. The friend doesn't want to cooperate,
but Kimball convinces her to, and he learns that the hoodlum is looking
for his son, who is hiding in Oregon. Kimball is able to put the
hoodlum in jail, but the hoodlum has a mother who effectively prevents
the friend from testifying against her baby boy.
But this is the throwaway part of the movie. The movie really
starts humming when Kimball and O'Hara (wonderfully played by Pamela
Reed) go up to Astoria, Oregon to infiltrate the kindergarten and find
out which kid has such a dangerous father and would his mysterious
mother turn state's evidence against a man she's been running away from
for four years. Illness prevents O'Hara, an ex-teacher herself, from
going to school, so Kimball has to teach the kids. There are lots of
funny scenes here, more than the trailer would show you. The kids are
cast *very* well. They aren't too cute, and they aren't overly
destructive. A few say some truly outrageous (but always true) things,
like "My Dad is a gynecologist. He spends all day looking up vaginas."
I particularly enjoyed the wonderful rapport that O'Hara and
Kimball had. When Kimball starts falling for one of the other teachers
(and a prime suspect for the runaway mother), O'Hara magically becomes
"Ursula," Kimball's sister from Austria. Penelope Miller gives a nice
performance as said teacher, and the Cousins twins give a sweet
performance as her overly helpful son, Dominick.
Arnie has a knack for choosing good scripts. I don't think he's
been in a bad movie since the Conan flicks (though his first film was
one of the worst movies of all time--HERCULES IN NEW YORK). He's not
a great actor, and he can't be subtle, but he's very enjoyable.
It's PG-13---should kids see it? It depends. A few of the kids
use correct anatomical words and that may bother some parents. There's
a scene with brief male nudity (no, not Arnie). The last fifteen minutes
or so, when the hoodlum father and his slimey mother arrive in Astoria,
may bother some sensitive children. My ten-year-old daughter really
enjoyed it.
Oh, and all you Pamela Reed fans out there---there's is a superb
moment for you just before the end of the movie. I won't say what
happens but I know I enjoyed it!
I hate movies that advertive themselves as "the feel-good movie of
the year," but I think KINDERGARTEN COP was just that for me.
Laurie Mann
lmann@jjmhome.UUCP
lmann@es.stratus.com
NeXT mail: lmann@vineland.pubs.stratus.comfrankm@microsoft.UUCP (Frank Maloney) (01/04/91)
KINDERGARTEN COP
A film review by Frank Maloney
Copyright 1991 Frank Maloney
I enjoyed this more than I was expecting to. In fact, one of my
motivations for going at all was that I'd seen almost everything else
that I intend to see, except for some imports in Seattle's University
District, which would have inconvenient to get to tonight (New Year's
Eve), as well as foolhardy.
Another reason to see it for me was the fact that it had been shot
in Astoria, Oregon, and near Cannon Beach, Ecola State Park, in fact.
These are areas where I spend a lot of my time and I wanted to see some
familiar landmarks on the big screen.
I was expecting a cross between a brat movie and Clint Eastwood.
What I got was a screen full of really adorable little kids, three
pretty nice performances by women, a pretty good villain, and Arnold
Schwarzenegger mugging and straining and being fairly funny and
appealing himself.
One of the treasures of KINDERGARTEN COP is the presence of Linda
Hunt. She's like tonight's blue moon, she drives me crazy with
admiration and her presence is way too rare. Of course, she won an
Oscar for her male-drag performance in THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY,
since then I've seen her in SILVERADO, which I loved and apparently no
one bought tickets for, and THE BOSTONIANS, a sort of "Masterpiece
Theater" piece for the silver screen, and maybe something else, but it
ain't much. In KINDERGARTEN COP, she's almost pretty (I've always
thought of her as beautiful, but never pretty) as the principal of
Astoria Elementary. I need hardly say she's mostly wasted here, but I
appreciate the gesture.
Another unlooked-for casting treat was Carroll Baker, who was
making a run at sex goddess 30 years ago, and now looks much the worse
for the experience, rather like, in fact, that wonderful actress who
played Mrs. Archer in THE MALTESE FALCON (you know and you'll tell me
by e-mail, please). Baker excels as the wicked mother of the heavy,
whom she out-villains. He's played by Richard Tyson and he's quite
enjoyable with his almost baby face and his domineering mom.
Pamela Reed is especially good as Arnie's undercover-cop/partner.
Her manner reminded me of some wonderful wise-cracking comediennes from
the days of screwball, tough and caring, like the recently deceased Eve
Arden. She does a not-to-be-missed send-up of Arnie's Austrian accent,
BTW.
Arnie's love interest is played by a mostly uninteresting Penelope
Anne Miller. There's nothing terribly wrong with her performance, just
nothing terribly right about it.
Arnie definitely has a flare for comedy, and I don't mean those
silly puns he to cap every action scene with. His scenes with the
children are actually endearing and he manages to outmug 30 6-year-olds,
which is itself no mean feat.
I enjoyed seeing the North Coast locales and no one played hob with
the geography in anything resembling the violence done to it by the
cute-robot movie shot in Astoria, BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED. For example,
the sun does not rise and set west of the Astoria Bridge in this movie.
My partner, who really pissed and moaned about dragged to
KINDERGARTEN COP, laughed himself silly throughout and completely
enjoyed himself. You probably will, too.
--
Frank Richard Aloysius Jude Maloney